3 year old separation anxiety at nursery

[Doublegloucester]

My just turned 3 year old has been attending nursery for 9 months. She was a bit whingey when she started there but then everything seemed fine until the start of this year.

She cries, screams and tugs at my coat as I drop her off - I have to physically pass her to nursery staff so I can make a getaway! The nursery staff try to distract her but she doesn't care, she just wants me. I try not to prolong the goodbyes and give her a bright and breezy 'goodbye, see you later' but it's awful. She does 3 days a week, 2 of them 8-5.30, 1 10-4.
She is fine on the way to nursery and seems to have had a lovely time when I come to pick her up. If I say 'do you like nursery' she says 'yes'. She is normally outgoing and confident. It's just the moment of my leaving that is tough for her.

It has been quite a stressful year in that my dad's been very ill and sadly died earlier this month. There has been lots of back and forth to visit my parents and maybe this has stressed her out more than we thought?

It's tough as we don't have a plan b if this nursery doesn't work out...

Tia for any advice or experience you can share...

It sounds like it's just the saying goodbye that is hard for her, but she's generally happy there.

Have you tried talking to her about it? Sometimes you can be surprised by their understanding and ability to articulate their feelings. Acknowledge her feelings, 'I know it's hard to say goodbye and it's a bit sad/scary when I leave' and then reassure her that you're coming back 'and I miss you too but I always come back to get you after work/you've had your tea/at 5:30pm', then focus on the positives of being at nursery, 'You have so much fun playing with Mollie and Sarah and you do me lovely paintings!'.

It can also help to leave something of yours with her, a scarf or jacket on her peg maybe or a smaller personal item if she has a tray/drawer somewhere it won't get lost at nursery. You can also ask her to do something for you at nursery, 'will you paint me a picture' or 'will you see if you can find any ladybirds in the garden'. Another thing you can do is focus on what you'll do after nursery so 'I'm going to come and get you after tea and then we're going to take Fido for a walk/go to the shops and get some bread/watch Peppa Pig' etc. They're all things that reinforce the idea that you're definitely coming back.

If she was close to her Grandpa, then him going and not coming back could well be what has started this off. She's possibly realised for the first time that people don't always come back.

Thanks nuffsaid. I will give those a try and report back...