3.3 yr old being really cheeky....advice please

[robin3]

So far we've used the distraction and lots of praise for good behaviour approach with DS1 (now 3.3yrs).

He's now pretty easy and complies with most of our requests. Obviously we still have meltdowns but they are largely when he's too tired or hungry or ill.

HOWEVER, over the past few weeks he's started to be really cheeky...so you go to ask him not to do something or suggest a different approach to something and he starts to butt in a say 'you not tell me' 'shhh Mummy' and then sort of make noises and shake his head to stop himself hearing you. It incenses me because its so disrespectful and I'd hate to think that he speaks to the staff at his nursery like that. I usually let things calm down and the say to him that grown ups don't like cheeky boys and try to explain what I was trying to tell him all along.

I don't mind him expressing an opinion but not like that. Any suggestions about how to nip this in the bud now? It seems more like there needs to be an immediate punishment?

Thanks everyone.

He is still very young and less than perfect manners at this age are quite normal

Does somebody else speak to him like this eg "I am not going to listen to you complaining any more" or "be quiet now I am talking" kind of thing? It is normal for children to copy the kind of things that are said to them and I agree that these comments are disrespectful - but they are often the kind of things that we say to our children!

I don't think he needs a punishment for this nor do I think it would achieve much. I would just say "Please don't speak to me like that, please say .....xyz instead" (suggest polite way of expressing what he wants to say).

Good luck, he sounds like a lovely child from your post and I am sure this is not indicative of the start of a life of crime

We really don't speak to him using that language....I do say 'please don't tell me what to do' when he gets bossy with me but I never tell him to 'sshhh'.

If I start to say 'please don't speak to me like that' I reckon he'll start to say that to me whenever I correct him!!!!

I think this is a hard one because most of my family think I'm to liberal with him anyway and now he's started to verbalise his dissaproval of our telling him off I dread to think what the onlookers will think. My Mum of course would have smacked when we were little so she didn't have to think up a more intelligent way of dealing with it.

My lads a little like this, but with him its definately like FandZ says ie he uses the expressions on me that I use on him, even the same tone of voice (it makes me want to laugh). I don't worry too much as long as he isn't doing it to teachers at nursery or other adults (which he doesn't so far).

The better the sentence the cheekier it sounds though....for a 3 year old to turn to you and say 'please don't talk to me like that'....where do you go from there!

Have to admit I'm so fed up of the elders in the family saying that we need to stamp on that behaviour but never offering any suggestions as to how! Makes DP and I feel like we're being pushovers all the time and waiting for the day DS's go to borstal.

LOL Ds does actually say to me "Mummy don't speak to me in that rude way"

I think he has a point, usually! If he is speaking out of turn I just say "I am not being rude, now please listen to what I am saying."

Robin it sounds to me like this is a crossroads for you - are you going to start disciplining your son for normal behaviour (which he will soon grow out of with a bit of gentle guidance) to pacify your parents? Or are you going to bring him up the way that you think is best and politely but firmly explain to them that you are doing what you think is right, and would appreciate it if they would support you rather than undermining you?

Not that I am trying to influence your decision, at all....

FAZ...got no choice. I can't suddenly be something I'm not so it's breathing deeply and trying to stay ahead of the little monkey! Thanks everyone...its reassuring to come on Mumsnet and have feedback from people who have recent memories not post war recollections of harsh discipline.

Well best of luck Robin

he does sound great and I hope your parents can come to appreciate his confidence and chutzpah