7 YEAR OLD BOY - WEEPY, EASILY UPSET, NOT CONCENTRATING AT SCHOOL

[hippipotami]

Hi, I hope someone can help.

My son is 7.7 and in Y3. He is normally a very lively, cheeky, happy, smiley boy.

However, in the last week I witnessed him sulk in the playground, and than again today when I dropped him of at school. I was in the cloakroom with him (had to talk to teacher, do not normally go with him)ds dropped his pencil case, his friend laughed and ds tried not to cry. Normally he would either laugh along with his friend or tell said friend to stop laughing.

I don't know what to do. He is changing from a happy go lucky chappy to a much more sullen, moany boy.

His maths teacher came up to me this morning to say his behaviour is class was terrible, he acts as if he cannot be bothered to be there.

I don't think it is a bullying/friends issue, ds is not part of a regular crowd but seems to get along with most kids, he certainly always has others to play with, and was at a classmates birthday party only yesterday.

He is quite tall for his age and solidly built (in age 9 clothes). So even though he is only 7, could this be the start of his hormones kicking in?

I am very worried, as he is normally so lively and cheeky.

Sorry to go, if you have managed to read to the end you deserve a medal!!

Are you sure about bulying not being an issue, or is your ds feeling awkward because he is different to his friends (taller) if he is bigger than his age do teachers etc expect him tyo behave in a mature way and therfore possible single him out more sorry probably not really that helpful but I hope you find a way to help your ds

The maths teacher is very strict. DS is in the bottom set for maths and is capable of going up a level but the teacher refuses to move him up due to his behaviour.
Not sure if she is aware he is only 7, not nearly 9 like most his classmates...

Will look into the friends issue again. Up until now DS has always been happy being his own person and playing with whoever was there, but maybe now all his classmates are forming closer alliances and little groups DS is feeling a bit adrift...

have u been spying on me ? lol. my 7 yearold has suddenly turned the same way i am very very upset, again i dont think bullying isa problem, but he is saying hes not happy at home coz his 2 yearold sister does his head in with her screqaming all the time, i can see where he is coming from as she is a very difficult child and ten peoples work, but why the sudden change in him???? i also was wondering if this could be a hormone thing, also he spends the weekend with my mum and dad who give him 100% of their attention 100% of the time, and this all kicked off when they brought him home last night, he left a note on the landing last night saying he isnt happy and then told me he misses his nan, i know he loves his nan and grandad but surely this isnt normal? maybe someone has some advice for us...fingers crossed

Oh Lou, sorry to hear about your ds, in a way I am glad I am not the only one though...

I don't think bullying is a problem either.

I am actually wondering if it is a pre-hormonal attention seeking thing. Perhaps to get more attention? In addition to the sulkiness he is becoming reluctant to bath or shower. I hope this is a phase and not the start of teenage hygiene battles.

DH works long hours and every other weekend, so DS spends a lot of time with me, dd (who is 4) and the dog.
This weekend we worked in the garden, ds rode his bike, went on the trampoline etc. He went to a friends birthday party and had a good time as far as I know.
I do his homework with him and spend a lot of time talking to him/cuddeling him. But perhaps he needs more time with DH.

Sigh... is this a sign of things to come?

to be honest im hoping for both our sons sakes that it is a hormone thing, i diodnt sleep last night thinking about where i had gone wrong, im thinking about stopping him spending so much time at his nan and grandads house, but i dunno if thats the best thing to do, i dont wanna make things worse, the worst of it all is i can honestly say hand on my heart that i do the best i can for both of my kids, thuis makes it even scarier because i cant see where i have gone wrong, and the same as your son, my sons teacher has pulled me in and said he has a dont care attitude in school, and isnt reaching his full potential, but ds thinks his teachers pick on him because they make him work, i have explained to him that thats what they are supposed to do lol, i just dunno what to do, its a horrible feeling innit when u know ur childs not happy and there doesnt seem to be anything u can do about it

lou, do you think our sons were seperated at birth?

You hit the nail on the head - we do what we think is best for our children, and it is worrying not knowing where or if we have gone wrong somewhere.

The dis-interested attitude at school worries me most. DS has never excelled at school and has never enjoyed the work, but he has always tried his best.

If he now decides not to bother at school, then how on earth do I make him see school and learning is important??

I was a real bookworm at school, so this is alien territory to me.
DH believes ds is 'just tired' and suggested sending him to bed half an hour earlier. I really hope such a simple solution could work.
May try it though, and go back to having much stricter rules about pc/playstation time too.

Can I join the club? My 7 year old ds has now started becoming very upset at really silly stuff - not getting his TV programme, not winning a game with his sister etc. He has also informed us that he really hates school and only looks forward to teh weekends! THis has really upset me as I always loved school - and I just expected my kdis to be the same - and he's only 7 with a lot of school still to go.. I'm going to see the teacher some time this week to discuss it (school habe never complained - but we don't get a lot of feedback anyway)

lol hippi, i think its a possibility! its worth a try making him go bed earlier, it may work for u although it didnt for me, ds just rattles round upstairs and doesnt go to sleep till even later than he would if he was playing his ps2, as for the school thing i would use bribary (spellcheck lol) i think a little bit of that works wonders, things such as, " i will be talking to ur teacher after school and asking how u have performed in the day, if u havnt done well then u will need to give up ur playstation time tonight to practice schoolwork at home, i know ur really really clever and if u want nice cras etc when ur older then u must try ur best at school, if ur teacher tells me u have done well then u can have extra pocket money/toy whatever" i know it sounds abit cruel but sometimes u have to be cruel to be kind.
Scotlou welcome lol, my ds tells me the same thing, he hates school and only looks forward to weekends, but at the weekends he stays at my parents which i think may be doing some damage as they molliecoddle him and he gets away with alot whilst staying with them.

Hi scotlou and welcome.
I am glad there is another one of us!!

Lou - we did the 'asking teacher at the end of every day how your behaviour was' in Y1 and it worked wonders.
Wonder if I have got a bit complacent, thinking that the had outgrown that phase.

Will catch his maths teacher this pm and ask if I can pop in to see her every few days/once a week after school to get a quick thumbs up/down from her re ds's behaviour. His maths teacher is not his class teacher so it is a bit harder to find her on a regular basis.

My big fear is that if we don't turn this behaviour round (am talking about the disinterest at school) then by the time he gets to secondary he will be a lost cause. I hope I am overreacting and worrying over nothing.

I can't wait till 3 so I can see ds and hopefully get another clue as to what is going on.

Gosh, they do like to keep you on your toes these kids, don't they??

Lou - is it worth reducing the time your ds spends at grandparents, or asking them to not to indulge so much??

yeah hippi i think it would be a good thing for him to not spend so much time there, but im also worried he might hate me for stopping him being there, its one of them horrible situations, i think he uses his grandparents house as an escape route from his naughty sister,(and fair does she would make a saint swear lol).
M y advice for u would be to go back to asking teacher thing, if its worked once it will almost deffo work again, im gonna go and see my sons reacher when i pick him up today and tell her how unhappy he is there and see if she can give me any insight, which i very much doubt anyway, let me know how u get on with ur sons teacher. xx

Thanks Lou. Another option for your son would be perhaps to let your dd go to the grandparents and you take your son for a special treat - cinema and a bit to eat perhaps?

Let me know how you get on with your sons' teacher today, and I will report back on what my ds's maths teacher said. We have swimming after school so won't be able to report till tonight..

Good luck
xx

Sorry if I missed something, but why is he in a class of nearly 9 yr olds if he is only 7?? That is a huge difference emotionally, intellectually and developmentally at that age.

well i spoke to my sons teacher before with my son in the room so he could voice his problems himself, the teacher was very very nice and to be honest ds didnt have to much to say for himself, i think hes just been feeling down and has decided to place the blame on various peoople, hes alot more himself tonight thankfully, how did u get on hippi?? is he being any better? if u'd rather u can email me on [email protected]

3 little frogs. DS is 7.6. He is in year 3, so with children who are anything up to 11 months older than him. (DS was born end of August)

So whilst ds is coming up for 8, there are children who are aged 8.5 and gearing up to turn 9.

Lou - I did not manage to catch maths teacher today, but spoke to his class room teacher who said that lots of them are tired and behaviour is suffering as a result. The week before last they went on a 3 day residential visit, so I think that may have contributed to the tiredness.
Ds seemed much happier this afternoon, so will keep an eye on him, have earlier bedtimes and see how he progresses.

Will still try to talk to maths teacher though...

I wanna join too, my 7 yr old dd is having trouble with her maths and being really worried - i mean extermely worried, saying things like how will i ever be a teacher when i grow up if i can't even do basic maths. It's beginning to get to me and i was going to post about this today actually.

Today i went to see her teacher after school and we had a chat, they expect me to do more at home but it's difficult because i have dd2 who is teething and actually screamed the whole time i was tryingt o talk to the teacher then we got home and tried to play a maths game and dd2 just kept crying so in the end we gave up trying to play it. It's so hard for me to get 1 to 1 time with her and for her to have quiet to concentrate. I'm a childminder so i work full time too.

How do people with 3 and 4 (or more) kids cope with 1 to 1 homework. They have such a lot and theres so much pressure for them to be great in all subjects. Dd1 calls me inot her room every night to tell me how worried she is about not making it as a teacher etc. She shouldn't be this stressed or worried about school at this age and tbh i'm starting to feel angry - while it's good they want the best for my child (like i do) i don't think the BEST is her worrying herself to sleep everynight and the only 1 to 1 with me is spent trying to get her to understand homework - it's stressful for us both - i am not a teacher, i have no idea if i'm doing it right, showing her the right way or confusing her even more. When we get free time i'd like us to be able to enjoy it.

Sorry i've rambled on and on. If it helps my dd1 is starting to be hormonal i htink as she's had to start wearing deodarent so things are moving on i think. She has definate mood swings as well.

I don't think it's anything we as parents have done tbh i think it's the way so much pressure is put on children nowadays - i was never stressed at 7 (my parents split up when i was 7 so if ever there was a time it would have been then but i wasn't stressed)

Btw my dd is also one of the youngest in her class.

Love My Girls - welcome to the strange world of seven year olds...

Sorry to hear your dd is so stressed - it must be very hard for you...
No advice about the maths games really, my ds is okay at maths it is his behaviour that is letting him down

Have you looked into pc based maths games, so you can sit with her whilst she does them, and occupy dd2 at the same time?

I found my ds a times table challenge type game. Getting him to play it is a whole different ball game though!!

Forgot to say earlier Lou - glad to hear your ds seems happier tonight.

I have found her some online maths games but not really covering multiplying and division - so if anyone can point me in the right direction that would be great!!

Today was a 1 off i would normally have a 7mth, 18mth, 2.5 and dd1.

This why it's so tricky by the time we're in and have had a snack and juice and played/ dd1 has read and done spellings it's 4.30 and im putting dinner on then they eat i clean up as we go and pack babies stuff up then take mindee home come back its bath time for dd2 then before i know it its 7pm and dd1 is too tired. So finding time for extra maths stuff is hard. We have been working on her times tables if we ever get 5 mins!