Nearly 3 year old being rough with other kids, hair pulling, hitting and generally uncontrollable

[GlummyMummy]

My nearly 3 year old has been really hard to deal with over the past month or so. She is very sociable and we go to lots of playgroups and play dates. The problem is that she has started being rough with other children, but in an exuberant way rather than a malicious way. She loves to cuddle kids, even those she's just met, but it quickly turns into her pulling their hair or hitting them, mainly unprovoked. It's got to the point where I'm scared to ask folk to the house. And at playgroup I can't relax, have to watch her like a hawk. I don't want her getting labelled as a bully. When I ask her why she does it she says she just wants them to be her friend. She seems to understand when I tell her off and she says she won't do it again, but it doesn't seem to sink in and she just does it again. She is very hyper generally, so is pretty uncontrollable.

Anyone else encountered this? How did you discipline your child? Don't want to have to stop her mixing with other kids but at the moment I am tempted as it's stressing me out!

How is her language development?

Pretty advanced,in fact she never stops talking really!

I so feel for you. My son was exactly the same and we were actually banned from 2 play groups and a soft play centre. I felt like such an awful mother. The problem I had was the more you told him off the more he did it, but he loved the reaction. He was never malicious just like your DD he was being friendly. The thing that worked for him was changing the type of groups we were attending and attending structured groups such as music makers, jo jingles and swimming. When he knew what he was expected to do and how he was expected to behave and his mind was focused on something else, these incidents became less frequent. He was diagnosed with aspergers in September and he is now 8 and my first inkling to this was the need for routine at such a young age. Not saying your dd has aspergers but perhaps she needs a group with more structure particularly if she is very advanced. The other thing that worked for me was when he did do it ignoring him usually worked no reaction meant he didn't keep doing it. I really feel for you, such a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Thanks PeppaJay, sounds like you've had a time of it with your son too, it's good to know we're not alone! I do kind of suspect there might be some kind of ADHD or something but she is still young so who knows. I think you're definitely right though about needing to go for more structured groups as then it doesn't give her free reign to go around winding other kids up! I think the problem is she is unsure how to play with other kids. She loves imaginative games but then other kids don't do it the way she wants so she gets frustrated! It is awful as shes so sociable and loves meeting new people but then it puts me off meeting up with other kids as I know it's going to end with them getting upset cause she's pulled their hair or something. What kind of things did your son used to do to other kids? Was it unprovoked? Hopefully you and he are getting the support you need now as it must be really hard work for you. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me 😃

I could have written your OP. My son is 3 next month and I am in exactly the same boat. He pushes, scratches, pulls hair and hits, often unprovoked or an over reaction to people taking things from him and he often laughs when we tell him off. We have tried everything from changing routines, diet, ways to discipline but he still does it, especially when he's tired.

We were advised to stay calm and not shout which I find really hard, especially when he hurts his 10mo brother and also to massively praise the good things he does which has worked a bit, but we have had to change where I take him, playgroups are a huge no so we go to places outside or like you say more structured just to relieve my stress more than anything.

I get so upset about the judgey looks and glares from other mothers but trust me you arn't alone and until you have a child like it other people just don't understand!!

That's interesting you were advised to stay calm Rosduk, as I was wondering if the problem is I've been too soft on her, just saying "don't do that" in my normal voice rather than really telling her off. But yeah we get the same with her laughing when j tell her off and she is usually so wound up she just doesn't stay still long enough for it to sink in.

It's definitely worse when she's tired or after sweet food which we try to limit. Is your son a poor sleeper by any chance?

I know what you mean about people not appreciating what's its like, so many people tell me their child is hyper but they just mean they like running around!!!