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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help - I need guidance with how to do the period talk!!

53 replies

Itsthawooluff · 10/03/2007 18:40

Title says it all really . My Mum adopted the ostrich approach of ignoring it all until school had dealt with it at 13, then sidling up and saying "So you know all about it now, do you - Good" before scarpering quickly. Didn't fill me with confidence exactly, rather a huge feeling of embarassment about the whole topic.
I want to have a slightly more "you can ask me anything" type conversation - but don't know where to start. I'm tempted to start with a few books, Babette Cole etc etc, but didn't want to dump the books, say "Oh good, you've read the books, so now you know all about it" and run - the educated ostrich approach.
DD1 is rising 9, which I appreciate is a bit young, but apparently some girls do start as young as that, and I wanted it all to be very old hat by the time she actually needs the info.

OP posts:

toadstool · 12/03/2007 14:08

One of my memories of starting senior school was the girls telling jokes about tampons over packed lunch (nice!) - your DD may know anyway! My mum terrified me about tampons when I was 12, gave me the impression they were somehow immoral, and created a huge hang-up for years. My DD (5) knows periods happen and are normal. That's my preference - she got very concerned when she saw my pad once and I thought it was best to dispel any worries about the process itself.

NotanOtter · 12/03/2007 14:15

be as open and blunt as you can - its worth it!
I had a baby when dd was 8 and another when she was 11 so its all very 'open' in our house
She watches me change tampons ( ds 14 turns away!) - its all just natural and i cant bear secrets. My dd cant WAIT to have tampons and pads...aske me if she could put one in her school bag !

Jaynerae · 12/03/2007 14:27

I was nine when my parents gave me 'the book' - they ducked out of the talk. The only reason they told me then was because my mum was going in to hospital for a hysterectemy and I was been packed of to Aunties for the duration. I kept asking why Mum was going in to hospital so they had to tell me. I remember that I took the book and went of to my room - I came back about 45 minutes later - saying I have read it - didn't take me long - I was so proud that I had read it quickly rather than taking the info in! (So embarressed about that now!)but I only got the girls side of things. I wasn't until we did Biology at high school that I found out about the male part of reproduction and can remember my chin hitting the floor when I found out about erections! I was mortified they had only told me half of it! I'll be making sure DD and DS get the full story - when I think they are old enough to understand.

cece · 12/03/2007 14:29

Usually do sex de in Year 5 in Primary schools.

trillium · 12/03/2007 14:29

Notanotter, you change tampons in front of a 14 yr old ds??????

cece · 12/03/2007 14:32

Oh and my 2 know about them due to visits to the toilet. In fact dd asked her Year 1 teacher whether she bleeds as well recently

buffythenappyslayer · 12/03/2007 14:36

i lived with my nan and no one told me about af's.i came home from school one day (at the age of 10) and went to the loo,screamed because i thought i was dying!!my nan came into the loo said "i knew this would happen" and walked out!!i was left there screaming because i thought that she had known i was going to die and hadnt told me!!!!(she went to get some pads that she had bought...just in case!!)

2 and abit years ago,my dd1 was getting abit hormonal and i thought "ah!!its a coming!!" i went to whsmiths and bought as many period books as i could egt my hands on.i sat her and dd2 down and we went through them and i explained everything to them both.they both just sat there looking at me as if to "what the ehll is she going on about",and after an hour and and half,dd1 told me taht the school nurse had given them a talk on periods already!!

anyway,i think going through the books together was the best way i couldve explained to them,as there was diagrams of ovaries and fallopian tubes etc.so it was abit easier to explain.

the thing is kids nowadays seem to know a hell of alot more than we were ever taught at that age (dd1 is now 13) they just seem to need a little more info on what theyve heard in the playgrounds!!

NotanOtter · 12/03/2007 17:28

Trillum if we are having a chat and he is in the room ..yes! He kind of goes 'yeuch' and looks away but stays there and we carry on chatting!

oxocube · 12/03/2007 17:37

I'm glad I've come across this! DD is 9 and my brother and SIL have just announced they are expecting a baby . Dd knows about sex and is thanfully very unembarrassed by the whole thing and asked how a woman knew she was pregnant. Cue the periods talk! I could do with a decent book recommendation though, so she could look through it on her own and I could make sure I explained it properly! Any ideas?

Posey · 12/03/2007 17:53

Dd is pretty clued up, but I bought a book for her from the book people, just to reinforce info and for her to look at at her leisure. Its called "Whats happening to me?" an Usborne book, costs £1.99.
Tried to do a link but not sure why it isn't working, sorry.

trillium · 13/03/2007 07:04

NotanOtter, sounds like you are to be congratulated on having such an open and honest relationship with your children

I've always been totally open and frank with dd (7) about periods/sex/pregnancy etc but never known anyone have such an open relationship with a ds of that age.

ScottishThistle · 13/03/2007 11:05

I wouldn't change a tampon in front of a 14yr old!...Takes all kinds I guess but never heard of a 14yr old accompanying an Adult into the toilet.

NotanOtter · 13/03/2007 11:07

He DOES turn away - but i dont say 'can you leave the room' he is always in the room when i am bathing - my kids are always milling about ..is that odd

Enid · 13/03/2007 11:07

all I remember is my mum telling me not to tell my dad or leave any sanitary towels in the loo as he 'wouldn't like it'

consequently poor dh is regaled every 28 days with gory tales of my monthly cycle

NotanOtter · 13/03/2007 11:12

yes enid i agree- the kind of hush hush approach is best avoided!

ScottishThistle · 13/03/2007 11:12

NotanOtter, not odd probably just not very common at that age tbh...Not calling you odd!

hannk · 14/03/2007 10:41

I gave my DD the talk really early as I started my periods at 10 and I was so glad as she was the same. We used a great educational CD rom called "Growing up and keeping safe".In fact I have seen it mentioned on this site before. You can use it together and has loads of useful meanings for those words that you really dont want to explain. I got it from their website

PetitFilou1 · 14/03/2007 13:13

Whatever you do, do something! My mum never spoke to any of us about any of that stuff - at all. When my youngest sister was 19, my mum said to me 'P (my step father) thinks I should speak to your sister but I said you would have already done that' I said 'mother L is NINETEEN, I think it is a bit late for that and lucky for you I have spoken to her'
Toni Wechsler's book might be worth you looking at 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' see ovusoft.com. I used it to get pregnant quickly but it is useful generally to understand your cycle properly and would help you to explain things. I think she has also written something for parents to give teenagers (in fact I am sure she has but just can't find it immediately). Might be a bit OTT for a 9 year old but still worth a look. I think personally I will be talking to dd when she goes to secondary school as there were some very knowledgeable girls there when I started and I felt very embarrassed not to know anything.

motherinferior · 14/03/2007 13:17

DD1 knows about periods - mixture of working them into the conversation, mixture of them just asking: she's six. DD2 knows a bit, I think: she's nearly four.

They both insisted I put in my Mooncup in front of them and roared with laughter.

GameGirly · 14/03/2007 13:56

Petitfilou, I would be wary of leaving "the talk" with your DD until she starts secondary school. DD1 started aged 10 in Year 5 and I'm glad she knew what was happening. Does anyone know when is a good time to start using tampons? DD1 is now 12 and I think she'd find it all much easier if she had those rather than STs. The mooncup idea is interesting but I think we'll start with tampons first.

A slight change of subject ... when DH was a lad, his dad said to his older brother: "Son, do you know about the birds and the bees?" BIL replied that he did. "Well, tell you brother then, will you?"!!

jeangenie · 14/03/2007 13:57

agree - whatever you do so SOMETHING

I got my period quite young (about 10 or 11 I think) and even though I had my mum and too big sisters NO-ONE had told me anything

I had no idea what was going on and was absolutely TERRIFIED (am right there with ya buffy!)

it was a horrible horrible experience which I remember with dismay to this day

once I drummed up the courage to tell my mum what was happening she gave me a pad and a book on the reproductive cycle written by a nun and featuring god and the sin of sex before marriage quite heavily - tbh it is a miracle I am not even more peculiar than I am

(motherpeculiar that was)

jeangenie · 14/03/2007 13:58

too? two

PetitFilou1 · 14/03/2007 14:01

Gamegirly Don't think I will be worrying quite yet as dd is 18 months but will bear that in mind. I was a very late starter as was so thin - didn't get my periods until I was 16. Did the (very) ugly ducklings into a swan thing (sort of!).

GameGirly · 14/03/2007 14:04

Oh, sorry, Petitfilou!!!

sandyballs · 14/03/2007 14:11

My six year old DDs have a vague idea about periods - I rarely get the luxury of a trip to the loo without one of them bursting in so they've seen blood in the toilet or me changing tampons/pads and have naturally asked questions about why my bottom is bleeding , does it hurt etc. I haven't gone into detail yet, just answered questions as and when.

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