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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Potty training

16 replies

Theycalledmethewildrose · 12/04/2017 17:34

I'm not sure if there is a separate forum for this or not so hopefully it is ok to post here.

A couple of months ago, I started to toilet train my three year old. It was on her insistence and the timing really didn't suit me (we were going away for a weekend a week later) but I wanted to follow her lead. I wasn't entirely ready myself but we went shopping for Peppa Pig panties, chatted about it and gave it a try. She used the toilet the first day (with use of a child seat and step) and seemed happy. The following day she refused so I got a potty and thought maybe she'd feel more comfortable with that but she absolutely refused to go to either the toilet or the potty. After a week we gave up entirely and I figured I'd give it another go in about a month

This week marked the month and this time I was more than ready. For her part she took to peeing in the toilet straight away, even calling at night to say she wanted to use the toilet. But she is only happy to pee. She absolutely refuses to poo in the toilet or the potty (which I thought she might prefer as her feet are firmly on the ground). I have applauded, sat with her, sang songs all to no avail. I wrapped a little bundle of 'reward' gifts and placed them in the bathroom for her to choose one after she used the toilet.. She successfully used the potty, took a gift, was very happy with it and the rest of the gifts remain untouched.

She doesn't have a regular pattern so I can't guide her to the bathroom when I think she wants to use it. She can go to the toilet twice a day and then skip a day. Either way, she persists in going to the toilet in her panties. We have thrown out all her new Peppa Pig knickers and I made sure she understood why we had to throw them out. I am getting so frustrated with her. I just don't know what to do. If I ask her if she had made poo, she says no even when she has. I'm unsure if she even realises when she has done it but she sometimes (not often) will come to tell me so I presume she does know. I have been reading a lot of threads about this and I feel I have tried so many of the 'how to successfully toilet train' articles, I could write them myself except of course she is not co-operating. She doesn't go to quiet corners before pooing she does it wherever she is ie it could be eating dinner or playing. At night after getting her ready for bed, I put her on the toilet and she makes pee, two minutes later she is running around, reading a story and I discover she has poo in her panties

She is nearly three and a half and I feel we don't have the time to just put it off a few more months really and I'm worried it will confuse her even more especially as she has mastered peeing.

She wants to go to a dancing class and I have told her when she doesn't wear nappies she can go. I even signed her up and brought her but she went during the class! She doesn't have any pee accidents and is dry at night.

Has this happened to anyone else? Does anyone have any suggestions?

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BellyBean · 12/04/2017 21:40

I don't have any tips but my sympathies, we're having the same issue, although not as far along with wees yet.

DD recently turned 3, and is doing well with wees but seems oblivious when she's about to poo.

She's in pants 3 days when I'm home with her, and pull ups at nursery. I'm taking my time changing her poos and reiterating she needs to do them on the potty.

I'm also considering putting her in leggings and no pants in the hope it helps (eww the cleanup!)

I'm sure you've read all advice though!

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 12/04/2017 21:53

We have tried taking off her panties altogether and she made poo on the floor ie standing up!

She doesn't seem bothered by having poo against her skin. Today we resorted to watching youtube videos about using a potty. She had very little interest in even that!

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 12/04/2017 21:55

I feel your pain. We were doing really well with DS nearly three, started potty training in January but this last 3 weeks we seem to have gone back to square one

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/04/2017 15:18

I really am despairing. Popped to pick up a few items in M&S, DD said she HAD Togo to the loo. Asked her to hold on, ran to the bathroom. She made pee. Great. The cafe is beside the bathroom so thought may as well have a cup of tea and a small lunch. Half way through she said she needed to pee NOW. Gathered up belongings and abandoned table and made it to the bathroom. Fine. Asked her if she needed to make poo. Received a very firm NO in response. Went back to the grocery section and smelled something. Yep she had made a poo in her pants. Back to the car and home to shower and clean her up.

This has been going on for two weeks now. For the first week we stayed at home as much as we could. She has mastered peeing but appears oblivious to her poo. I'm at my wits end. Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I just give up?

OP posts:

Theseahag · 13/04/2017 15:35

This is why pull-ups are a useful tool, they are gold when you are at the point where your child is 50% trained.

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/04/2017 16:01

I am using them at night but recently took them off during the day as I am uncertain if they might feel too like a nappy to her and might even have been confusing her and hindering her progress.

I suppose I will just have to go back to using them. If she was still wetting herself, I'd just give up and start again in a couple of months regardless of her age.

I'm starting to think if there is anything wrong with her and feel guilty for thinking that but how can she be oblivious to making poo in her pants?

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 13/04/2017 18:20

Have you thought of putting nappy liners in her pants?

We had dry pants today. The reward of a sweet treat he loves and bingo he came home from nursery in the same clothes!

Friolero · 13/04/2017 18:28

My DS was exactly the same, he toilet trained for wees last summer pretty quickly, and became dry at night at the same did, but did every single poo in his pants. I ended up putting him in pull-ups as was so fed up of dealing with pooey pants. I was getting very stressed out but read that it was pretty common, and he would get there in his own time. Eventually, about two months ago, he did his first poo on the toilet and I think (fingers crossed!!) has finally cracked it in the last couple of weeks. I don't know what to suggest other than to say be patient, a lot of children take longer with poos and she will get there in the end.

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/04/2017 18:55

Would nappy liners make a difference? Currently the poo doesn't stay in her panties. I can't se

OP posts:

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/04/2017 18:58

...sorry hit post too soon.

I can't see the liner 'containing' anything. It is so frustrating. She is, for the most part, dry every morning.

What tears me up is when she asks for her nappy as she 'likes' it more. She will start Montessori in September.. While they will accept a few irregular accents, they won't take her if she isn't trained. I'm hoping four to five months will do it if I haven't lost my sanity by then!

OP posts:

ColdCottage · 13/04/2017 21:01

Not sure. Maybe give the pull ups a go over pants so she can still feel the mess? But less mess for you. Or if you have never had any luck with poos. Stick with just pull ups and keep doing wees on the potty and then try again on the poo side in a month. No point getting to a point where she is digging in and doing it on purpose as that will be harder to stop.

Original poster

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/04/2017 23:02

*accidents not accents.

Thank you. I will continue with pull ups and try to stop pressuring her about pooing. Lots of praise for dry nappies and I will see if that helps and hopefully in her own time, she will use the potty. I really don't think it is a control thing on her part, the part that concerns me really is that she is unaware she is doing it.

Thank you.

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CatWithKittens · 14/04/2017 11:30

I have suggested to others with similar problems that they use the old fashioned trainer pants - especially out or in a car - during the half reliable (or should that be unreliable?) phase of PT. We found them invaluable for catching accidents but they are pants which pull up and down, indistinguishable from other pants except that they are terry inside and plastic outside. I would guess that for those whop have always used disposable nappies or pull ups these are a bigger leap towards proper pants than for a child who has had cloth nappies but even for the latter they can be sold as big girl/boy /knickers/pants but with less risk to floors, seats, laps and other places vulnerable to wetting or worse.

Yeeyeelovesraaraa · 16/04/2017 08:21

My son was like this - mastered wees on the potty/toilet well but didn't want to do poos. We had about 6 weeks of poos in pants & in the end a reward chart for poos on the potty did the trick. Hang in there she'll get it in the end.

In the meantime carry lots of changes of clothes & nappy sacks for the soiled pants - we found a long soak in cold water then a hot wash cleaned them up well & only had to bin a few of the worst ones!

soundsystem · 16/04/2017 16:00

Oh I feel your pain. We're in the same boat. DD knows when she's doing a poo and for the past two days managed it in the potty. But then today twice shes pooed in her pants. And told me as she's doing it! So she clearly knows she's meant to use the potty and she knows when she's doing a poo. It's really hard not to get frustrated!

I'm putting today down to extreme tiredness on her part and hoping she goes back to using the potty tomorrow.

There's an app called Poo Goes Home to Pooland that we've had some success with. Also offering a biscuit for each poo that goes in the potty. I thought I was above bribery, but this has broken me!

soundsystem · 16/04/2017 16:04

If it helps - as others have said - this is really common. My DD goes to nursery and they're happy for her to go in knickers, because she never has a wee-based accident and they just deal with the occasional poo ones. (I did ask if they wanted me to put her back in pull-ups - because it obviously isn't nice cleaning poo-ey pants) but they said no, she'd get the hang of it soon enough)

(This isn't a pre-school though - she's only 2.5 - so changing bums is part of their remit in a way I guess it isn't where you're sending your DD? But a few months is a long time!)

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