Separation anxiety at 2 yrs old????

[Lilypie]

DD is nearly 2 and I've recently started her in a creche (2 weeks ago) for the first time which was very hard. She would get so stressed she would vomit every time I dropped her off and is still crying when I leave her there. Now she is refusing to go to bed. Last night it took hours of controlled crying and tonight she's been sick (and seemed quite please with her self when she did btw!) which I've cleaned up but now she's standing up in her cot crying and saying "mummy" over and over again.

It's breaking my heart to hear her so upset but I'm just not sure if she's playing with me or teething or going through a big separation anxiety due to creche and if she is, I don't know how to deal with her demands.

Can anyone help? I really need support tonight.

Bump?

Am so sorry you are going through this - it must be heartbreaking.I'm afraid I don't any experience of this but my instinct tells me that it is probably the anxiety of starting the creche and that with lots of hugs and cuddles you'll both get through this. I have read the suggestion somewhere of giving your DD something of yours to look after for the day so that she knows you are coming back. Might be worth a try?

Sorry I'm not much more help but wanted to offer some support.

Thats a great and lovely idea Chocolateshoes, it's acctually made me cry its such a nice idea. I wonder if it might help with the night times too?
Thankyou for your support, it means a lot right now, I'm sinking tonight...

Hi lily.

I honestly don't think that at two they have the capacity to play up. I firmly believe this is our construct.

I agree with choc. Lots of cuddles, total indulgence and if she still hates creche in a week or so is there any way you can ditch the idea for now? Not always practical I know.

My ds hated creche. The other mums all said their kids did too but got used to it in the end. I worried as to whether he'd settle or become resigned.

He's the first one of four that I've tried to pack away a bit earlier because I was desperate to get stuff done and try to generate more work. (I'm freelance). I couldn't puyt him through it though.

I'm very lucky to have found a childminder who is utterly fantastic. He loves going to her and goes on about her all the time. Would that be an option for you?

Good luck. It's really draining when they're sad and needy I know.

I dont think she dislikes the creche, they say she has a ball once I'm gone, she just hates me leaving her which I'd have to do with a childminder anyway.

She's just settled thank god.
Its so horrible, shes always been a great sleeper and settled on her own no bother, this vomiting thing only happens if she wants me to stay with her, I'm not saying she does it on purpose but she knows it'll get me in the room so isnt upset when it happens.

I've always given her lots of kisses, hugs and cuddles, she's very affectionate and kisses me 100s of times a day. I've tried extra hard to make the time we have together outside of creche full of fun and laughter and doing exciting things together.

I feel so guitly for doing this to her.

Hi Lilypie

Poor you and poor dd going through this situation. IMO I think it probably is seperation anxiety, and the main thing is to constantly remind her that you love her(which it sounds like you do) and that you are 'coming back for her' etc.

They seem to go through different stages whereas for a while they can be happy and relaxed at leaving us and then (like a switch is thrown) they get hysterical at the thought of being without us.

When I originally took my dd to nursery school (she was 2.3) she was wonderful and would run off and play ... and then all of a sudden that changed and she would cling to me like a limpet - refusing to let me go (so the teachers had to ply her off me and I would give her a quick kiss and scarper!!!) however, as soon as I was gone she would be fine and throw herself into all the activities. ----during this time, she was harder to settle at night (when usually she would settle by herself fine)and constantly call for me - to make sure I was still there!

In my case, this lasted about 2 months and then all of a sudden she was fine about me leaving her at nursery again (and would keep reminding me of where the door is etc!)which was more of a relief than I thought it would be!

Now saying all this - my dd was a bit older than yours is but maybe it will be a help. I do like the idea of giving your dd something of yours to keep with her so she can give it back .. let us know if it works

anyway Lilypie, hope all goes well. x

oh poor you and poor dd. I agree with spidermama, I think saying that she is "playing with you" is not likely - children of this age are not capable of that kind of complicated manipulation, but if you mean - does she want you to stop leaving her at the creche the answer (at the moment) is probably yes. I would say in all probability she is genuinely anxious about being left (and picking up on your anxiety?) and the only way of dealing with genuine anxiety is with kindness and understanding, imo. If you have to leave her there (I presume you do) then I think it is just a case of persisting with as much patience and love as you can muster.
horrible situaiton though, I really feel for you