Sleepless Nights due to 2 yr old waking up

[Newburygirl]

Ok,
I am knackered. My DD (2yrs and 8 months) wakes up on average 4 times a night and has done since she was born. She wakes screaming and crying and demanding 'mummy' or 'daddy.' It's very rare that she is not crying, and when she can she is heard to utter the words, 'Blanket on.' (This has come off due to her getting out of bed in the first place.) She is usually half asleep and sometimes doesn't seem to be 'with us' at all. The trouble is I don't know which it is until I get to her bedroom. I try and follow the books that say not to go in but I hate hearing her crying for mummy to come in. Sometimes I can hear her voice shaking and her sharp intake of breaths and I hate it. I go in to comfort her but my husband says that if I keep on going in we will never sort this out. our marriage is really suffering because we are both exhausted.
She usually wakes up at around 9.30, 10, 1am, 3amish.
Can anyone advise or is anyone going through the same thing?

newburygirl, sorry my suggestion no good - that really was a 'magic wand' for us...I do really sympathise, as being up this much in the night really IS torture....

Is there any way you and dh could alternate so that one night he goes in, one night you do? At least then you would know that one night out of two, you can lay in bed and doze, even if you're not oblivious to the waking, you still don't have to get up and deal with it and that does make a difference to the exhaustion levels I think...

If your dd is anything like my ds, leaving them to cry is not an option as this just means you're up for AGES instead of a few minutes....so I would think that perhaps your dh is wrong and you do need to be going in...though of course as little interaction as possible, so that she's not getting rewarded for waking you up!

Sorry not to be more help...but at least this thread has come back from the realms of lunacy

Also I thought it might be worth mentioning that between 2yo and 3yo is notoriously bad for children to have sleep problems as they are much more aware of their surroundings and their own vunerability. In lots of cases things do improve after their 3rd birthday.

I hope this give you some hope.

Can she tell you way she wakes up? My dd used to say 'because I want to see my mummy and daddy'.

Other suggestions - setting up and 'camp-bed' in your room so she can just go to sleep there. I didn't do this but I know of other who have. My dd still had milk in a bottle so I used to leave that by the bed to have a drink of and this sometime comforted her.

my ds keeps telling me his room is scary, he is nearly 3yrs and has never slept through the night, always wakes at least once, i just dont stress about it anymore, one of us gets into his bed or if he is really scared and already ran out of his room he gets into our bed, he is the clingy type and always wants to know im nearby, i hope they grow out of it when they get older!!!!

ive done all the things the books tell you not to! but i cant cope at work with 2hrs sleep.

Hi Poor you. My DS was the same from birth until not so long ago (he is almost 4 now). We also found it was different reasons at diff times but in the end we went to a sleep clinic in North London which though not magic helped a lot. We also as someone else said got DH to go in and deal with it when we were at a low ebb partly as I was pregnant and partly as we felt DS was more likely to play me up. As sleep clinic suggested we had a 'sleep fairy' and a fairy box (shoe box). We could leave messages for the fairy and she/he could reply in the morning (takes a bit of preplanning but it was a good incentive and DS loved it). Bascially if he slept all night and didn't wake Mummy and daddy up then the sleep fairy brought him a little present (cheap something). If he woke us up then the fairy left a note saying 'oh dear, never mind, hopefully the next night etc etc'. It lasted ages and we did gradual withdrawal in the night ie sitting next to the bed, then as the nights progressed moving a bit further and further away until you are in the doorway and then outside the door. We also avoided eye contact or conversation only saying 'Shhhh go to sleep' very quietly. Lots of nights outside the door whispering shhh and almost asleep on my feet etc. As I was pregnant was scared to death we would never sleep again but baby DD is a marvel and DS has finally got the hang of it too. The older they get and more mentally and physically active, the more tired they are. If things don't improve I really recommend a good sleep clinic. The one in N London (am I allowed to say who? Millpond!) will do over the phone and e mail if you didn't live near. Money worth investing for your sanity.

My DS does this when he is overtired, ater a cold, after missing a couple of naps etc. I try really hard to get him to bed early to catch up, for several days (can take 4/5 days to catch up!) Once he is well rested, goes through the night again with no problems.

First 3hours after going to bed is really deep sleep, if they wake during this time, it can often be overtiredness...

My dd2 (2 yrs, 8 mo) still does not sleep through. We tend to bring her into our bed the first time she wakes up. It's not ideal, and I know people's ideas of co-sleepig differ but it does mean that for the subsequent times she wakes up, it doesn't disturb us too much.

my ds was also a poor sleeper. We tried everything, read all books and discussed it with anyone who would listen! We also went to the same sleep clinic as megancat, but the branch in West London, and although they did not cure it, his sleep was much better. He is now 3.7 years and only wakes 2 or 3 times a night. We now let him come into our bed occasionally as you have to do whatever helps you survive for the next day. I know how tired you must be feeling. You need to find a way to work with your dh so your relationship is not too affected. We take it in turns to get up in the mornings so at least we get a bit more sleep.

Wow,

All of these messages, thanks! I tried sleeping in her room the other night in order to break the cycle as she wakes up 8.30, 9.30, 10.30, 12.20, 4 and then finally 5.50. Unfortunately she was developing a cold and woke up every single hour! The good thing was that she went back to sleep the minute she saw me and I went back to sleep the minute I saw her. The next day my DH and I discussed everything and decided it might be related to something that wasn't going well during the day time, that perhaps we weren't paying her enough attention or showing her enough appreciation so we decided to focus on her more. That evening we also decided the Dr C Green approach: They cry. You wait 5 mins then go in. Cuddle, comfort, put down. Leave room. They cry when they realise that you are leaving and they haven't yet fallen to sleep again. You continue to leave and return again in 5 + 2 mins. Return if still crying. Do as before. Walk out. If still crying add on another 2 mins (so 5+2+2mins). Repeat until child asleep. If they wake again repeat same process as above. Continue every night until waking ceases. If waking does not cease, see doctor.

Will let you know results in a few days time!

Update....

It worked!!!! I have slept for 4 nights in a row!!! First time in 2.5 years!!!! She has only woken about once a night, and then was easy to get back to sleep. How great is that!! Try this method - in the book, 'Toddler Taming' Dr Christopher Greene