My DS1 is being HORRIBLE to my DH, I need to.....

[IamBlossom]

send him a really supportive text, any suggestions from someone who has been through this?

We do talk about it, and DH is making a real effort to lavish DS1 with attention despite the rejection (no go away Daddy, Mummy do it, no I won't hug/kiss/play with you/pushing him away/swatting the air when he comes near him etc) and DH is really really down about it and starting to say "What's the point?" This morning, DS1 refused to kiss or hug his Dad goodbye before he went to work, and I could see DH was really hurt.

DS1 is 2.5, and I am confident this is just a stage, (please?) but I need to send DH a mood-boosting text so any ideas would be grate.

Thanks,
Bloss

Ummm..yes it is a stage for sure

how about " I 've trimmed my Lady Garden and given ds1 Medised, so hurry home"?

Even little ones are meanest to the ones they love the most because they are trying to set their boundaries and work out just how far they can push them.
There's nothing to lose in pushing a stranger away but it's like they are working out how much you'll really love them and how much you'll out up with.
DD did the same to DH and he eventually was persuaded to just say "well, I love you" when she said "I hate Daddy" or whatever and she came out of quite quickly.
Poor DH though. You have my sympathies!
You could try texting and just saying that we always hurt those we love the most and he will get through it cos he's a great dad.

Do they have any one-on-one time? Something fun they can do together? It is a stage but not very nice for your DH.

All I can suggest is that you DH tries to do something on his own with your DS - maybe taking him swimming at the weekend or something?

Although sunny's suggestion would probably cheer him up more...

love Sunny's suggestion, and will file it under Plan B
Thanks Buda, I do suggest exactly that ALL THE TIME, swimming specifically in fact, but DS1 moans so much about wanting to be with Mummy, it nearly drove DH mad last time, and has definitely put him off. I think he needs to persevere personally, but you can imagine how receptive he is to constructive criticism at this stage....
Scooter I love your text idea and will use a version of it.

Thanks alot.

Definitely a stage. My DD is 2.5 yes too and she has just rallied a 'hate campaign' against my DH in the last few months. Thankfully, it's all nearly over. She loves daddy all over again.

I posted this on another post somewhere too and I will post it again because it made sense to me.
I read in a magazine just a few weeks ago about this being a stage and apparently an important one.
toddlers go through a liking for ONE person it can be mum, dad, grannie anybody. It is an intense getting to know you kind of thing and learn their relationship and how it fits into their life. They will only tolerate on person doing everything for them and spending time with them at the expense for a short time of other relationships.
It does pass dd went through it too and then moved on and for a while only daddy would do.

god it was even worse this morning, DH blew up at DS1 for hitting him in the face, and refusing to evenacknowledge him, let alone say good morning, and all this before 6am! It's such a horrible horrible way to start the day, and DH now feels terrible for practically screaming in DS1's face, and was near tears leaving the house.

Our conversation:

Me - "you know my feelings on the subject, I can see how this is affecting you, it's horrble, but you have to persevere, do one on one time with him, just keep going, even if it's really hard, go out with him on your own this weekend, what's the alternative, we can't send them back!"

him - "i've tried that, it doesn't work, and even if it did for one Saturday, we've then got the whole week of me at work, and by Monday morning it will be back to this"

Me - "It will gradually help I'm sure of it, you can't let a child dictate the situation, it's only a stage he will grow out of, you can't let this permanently affect your relationship"

him - "You don't know what it's like, it's horrible, my own son won't even speak to me, pushes me away, etc, I might as well not even be here"

....goes to pick up baby son, and coo over him!

Honestly, I really do think this is text book stuff, but understandably he is hurt and feels rejected and I'm really scared it's going to do permanent damage to their interaction. He is the grown up here and should rise above it I think, but he is struggling to do so......

sorry, no answers I know, just needed to vent........

The thing is though how many times has he done it to not turn around and say it doesn't work. Dp has said this before after one attempt it takes work.
If your dh has given up the ghost then your ds will pick up on this and equally ignore the situation not bothering with his father.

It is just a phase and I know your dh is hurting but he needs to get a grip and be the grown up in this situation and let it go over his head. Your ds is not trying to hurt him and has no idea that what he is doing is hurtful he just sees it as getting his needs me because he is still young enough to think the world revolves aroung him. Your dp needs to say to himself this is my sone he is still a baby really and I need to work at having a relationship with him not expect it just to happen.

I know our children unconditionally love us but they don't unconditionally like us that is something we need to work on.

I totally agree with you Adath. 100%. I only wish I could get DH to read this thread, but that will happen when hells freezes over. Men.

Oh Bloss how awful for you {{hugs}}

I know my DP will really struggle with this too. I'm racking my brains for suggestions and all I can come up with is if you find this development stage in a book. Seeing it in black and white and knowing it is very normal may help.
Do you 'big' your DH up during the day? Such as 'we need daddy for this job he's brilliant at things like this' or take photos of things that you do during the day so he can show daddy, this, if works, will initiate interaction.

Your DH has been quite busy lately hasn't he? DS has probably had you to himself alot.
As you know I only have the one ickle one so sorry if these suggestions are really naff

Hi Us, thankyou sweetheart, I really appreciate you posting, and everyone else!

You are right, DS1 has me all day everyday, which is still a relative novelty 8 months in, after being in nursery full time since he was 6 months old. He is loving it and so am I, despite his challenging two year old behaviour we are having a great time, and get up to all sorts of funs stuff every day.

Daddy gets the grotty pre-work hour, the tired post-work hour, both of which are filled with this type of shenanigans and I feel so sorry for him.

I will get out that chapter from my child behaviour books, you are right that might help IF my Dh is desparate to look at them, as he regards books like that with as much respect as he does Mumsnet. Not quite a neanderthal, but a cousin of one.

I do talk about DH during the day, we phone him together, and DS1 talks quite happily to him on the phone, we drew pictures of our house and family yesterday and DS1 leaned down and kissed the drawing of Daddy, and if something breaks he says "Daddy fix it" and if he is talking about Monsters he says "Daddy scare them away" all of which I tell Dh when he comes home, but it is a bit obvious I am trying to make him feel better....

It's so hard, but I keep thinking we'll look back on this in a year and laugh. I hope!!!!

It's a phase & I've come across it a lot between 2.4/3yrs...It'll pass!

Kami - where do you live? I mean what language - haven't heard of anyone else being called mama and dada except us . We're in Spain.

Oh this is SO a phase!
DS did it at the same age.

Actually, the more DH tried to spend time with him etc, the more DS rejected him.
It might help if he can relax and maybe ignore DS a bit?
Show him this thread..so that he knows it is absolutely not personal to your DH??
Though he will of course say 'what's medised??'