5yr old and bedtime/anxious or playing ip

[feekerry]

Dd is 5 next month. Has been a normal sleeper up until 4 weeks ago.
On the way home from school one day I stopped at the post box across the road to post a letter, she could still see me out the window. She had an absolute melt down screaming so hard even when I got back in the car. All she could say was I missed you.
Well from that day on bedtime has been a nightmare. It take about an hour of her getting out of bed constantly before she goes to sleep. We keep taking her back without engaging in conversation but she tries it all. Feels sick/lonely/bad dream/misses me. Eventually it ends in her having a total tantrum and trying to make herself sick.
Once this is over she has then been waking between 1am and 3am and the whole thing repeats. But it's a million times harder at that time of night to deal with. We have other kids and her screaming wakes everyone up. She constantly asks to come into our bed which I have never let her. Last night she ended up sitting on our floor from 3am till time to get up as she would not stay in her bed. It's killing us all.
In addition to this I can't go to the toilet without her kicking and screaming at the door or go put the bins out etc.
I have been to a meeting at school to see if anything happened and they said she has been seeking reassurance more but nothing else and appears to love school.
Been to see the hv who made some good suggestions such as making a special thing together and dd keeping that with her at bedtimes etc. Hasn't made a difference.
I have lost my shit with her, doesn't make a difference. We have a reward chart, doesn't make a difference. We said we would cancel her party (which see has been looking forward to for months) and she just says fine I have been totally sympathetic and showered her with affection and that seems to make the nights worse.
If I question her as to what the hell is wrong she ends up saying something like 'I can't stop thinking about large crabs which is totally unrelated
Please please please can someone help or suggest something as it's making all our lives miserable

Gosh, poor you. I don't suppose it could be something to do with a book or TV programme she watched? maybe something where a parent dies or doesn't come back...?

It does coincide with watching the trolls movie but I wouldn't have said it was a death fest and she absolutely loves the film but I haven't let her watch it again just in case.
She doesn't seem to be able to articulate what it may have been. If I ask her if it's something she has seen or heard she normally just says she misses me or she is having bad thoughts.
How do I deal with it tho? Regardless of the cause. I am dreading tonight

Does sound really trying. My DD was quite like this wanting masses of attention - but she was always like that it didn't come on. Wouldn't be put down as a baby, melt downs if you left a room without her, needing someone to stay with her to go to sleep.

We co-slept. I'm happy to take path of least resistance to maximises everyone's sleep. I realise its not for everybody (and DD is now 9 and it's only now ending) - but can't help with 3am stand offs.

We also tried loads of things with DD the only one that worked was telling her she could have a hug whenever she asked - whatever was happening even if she was in middle of being told off but only if she asked not because she was screaming, crying, tantrumming etc. And also just maturing, as she's got older and we can rationalise things more its eased a lot. But at 5 it was mainly gritting ypur teeth through it. Though does sound like there might be more of a cause for your DD and if you can identify and discuss it it might help.