2.5 year old dd target for bullies or is this normal?

[IsitJustFantasy]

Today we went to soft play. As it's half term it was really manic and while I kept an eye on DD it was impossible to see her at all times. At one point I noticed a much bigger girl tapping her on the back. I couldn't see well from where I was standing to know if she was hitting her but she did it a few times. DD walked off out of my sight and I thought she must be fine and maybe the girl was just being friendly, until DD came running out to find me looking really upset. She was close to tears and saying "Someone is hitting me. Someone is hitting me." I comforted her and she ran off back to play. I looked around for the girl but didn't see her again.

Quite a while later on I saw DD looking upset again. She was far back, on an upper level, so I went in to find her and it was the same, she was really upset and saying "someone is hitting me." The girl had gone at this point I'm quite sure so it must have been someone else. DD isnt one to lie or overreact. When she falls over she is really brave and just gets back up again without a fuss. She only cries when really hurt. I know children accidentally knock into each other when playing but DD isnt bothered about that. She would only have said that if someone was deliberately hurting her.

I don't know if this is normal and expected to happen at places like soft play, or if maybe something about her makes her a target. When she was slightly under 2 there was a similar incident at a playgroup. An older child was actively seeking out DD and hitting her. I kept on taking DD away to another part of the room but the child kept coming for her. I told her off in the end (wasn't sure who her parent was), and after that she left DD alone. When the girl was hitting her, DD didn't retaliate she just looked stunned. I could see she just didn't understand why anyone would hurt her on purpose.

Dp has said before about worrying that DD could be a target for bullies. We suspect she may have ASD and are planning to try and get her assessed soon. I wouldn't post had it just been a one-off incident but the fact it has happened now three times worries me. She's very similar to my DM in nature and my DM has seemed to attract bullies throughout life. I think it's because she is quite vulnerable and I'm worried that it will be the same for DD.

I don't know, is there something about some children/adults that makes bullies target them? And if so, what can I do to help my DD?

Thank you Bubbins. DD wasn't overwhelmed though. She had a great time except for when she was being deliberately hit. I won't be going back outside of term time though that's for sure!

It sounds as if you are putting your own worries onto her, esp with that comment about your mum, OP. The truth is, little kids are feral, and soft play allows them to indulge that DP had to tell a little boy not to shove DD out of the way the other day. The mother saw and told him off, and he came back to say sorry and ask her for a hug (she's 1, she had no idea what was happening, but I thought the mother sounded great!).

Relax, you're doing your best. You love her, you look after her, you take her to treats like soft play - you're doing amazingly.

If you have concerns about ASD then you will progress those as you need to, but please try not to worry that kids being kids at soft play mean she's any sort of target. it just means that kids get overexcited and have no social boundaries!

She's not a target she just happened to be at soft play when a lot of bigger rougher kids were there because it's half term. But yes you do need to watch them continuously at that age when bigger kids are around.
You say you will get her assessed soon, can you not do it now? My friends dd was diagnosed aged 2 and it really helped as he had 1-1 support at nursery and they were able to make sure when he started school all the support was in place. It can take a long time, i wouldn't wait

If it make sure you feel any better job of mine would have made friends at soft play they would have either been the wallopers, the walloped or wouldn't have left my knee depending on the kid. They are all reassuringly normal now:)

If another child hit my child at playgroup or soft play or wherever I would always say something. Generally looking them straight in the eye and firmly saying 'don't do that please' is enough.

Where you really at playgroup with another child hitting yours and you moved yours away without saying anything to the other child? You need to teach your child to stand up for themselves and the only way to do that is to challenge bad behaviour and reward kind playing (with smiles and thank yous).

I'm also confused by talking about autism assessment at 2.5. Sounds young to me although I'm no expert. They all develop at different rates and I'd consider poor social skills pretty normal in a 2.5 year old (my experience comes only from being a SAHM who does a lot of playgroups).

Oh gwad was meaning normal as in not targets for bullies actually one has quite complex SEN needs but these weren't in evidence at 2.

I think soft play is crazy and some small kids terrifying! We have one that I should just for under 5s and that is better. I take my nephew there sometimes and it's less of a mosh pit!

mouldycheesefan yes by soon, I mean we are calling to book a doctor's appointment next week.

Where you really at playgroup with another child hitting yours and you moved yours away without saying anything to the other child?

The other child was not much bigger than DD at the time and I felt a bit odd telling off a child that wasn't my own. I'd have rather spoken to her parent but it was not obvious who that was so I thought the best thing to do was remove DD. I did tell her off when she did it again. I've never been around children before having my DD, I didn't know what the right thing to do was in that situation. Also with regards to autism, it isn't just poor social skills. They start assessing children from as young as 18 months. I have suspected DD has ASD since she was much younger, and two other people (both with experience of autism, one with years of training and work in the area) have voiced concerns about her to me. I have been holding off getting her assessed but I have been advised that it is best to do so before she starts school so she can get support if needed. It is highly likely I also have ASD.

Sounds like a horrible experience! Can I ask what makes you think she has ASD because she isn't interested in other children? I thought that it was quite normal for them to do their own thing even up to 3?

Sorry I didn't see your last post