My 6yr old will not listen!!!

[sheenag23]

I'm sure people will tell me that they are all the same (I hope), but I'm a single mother with no support so have no one to talk to.
My DS has to find everything out himself and it's driving me mad, if I say " don't walk on the ice" he'll walk on it, creating a lot of I told you so moments, as I've begun calling them to him, or if I all him to stop throwing things for example, he'll keep doing it but not as much, eventually after this all day I'll blow, which send to be the only time he'll do what he's told
Is this just normal?, it's there anything I can/should do about it, it's driving me crazy!!

I would also like an answer to this! I have a younger child but it sounds exactly the same situation.

I am not in your position but twi different things come to mind when I read this,

Do you punish after a warning or does she disregard that as well? Does being stricter help?

Does she get enough attention from you during the day? My niece does this sometimes when she wants attention. Annoying because sometimes her mum just has to go to work or one of her siblings is sick. It just doesn't always work out.

I teach 4/5 year olds. The best advice I've had regarding this is to stop saying stop and don't say don't. Don't walk on the ice = walk on the path. Stop running = walk nicely. Theory behind this is that by telling them to stop running/climbing/anything, you're essentially giving them the idea to do it. Children often don't hear the 'stop/don't' part of the command and just hear the end. 'don't walk on the ice' your child might hear 'walk on the ice' - what a great idea! Tell your child what you want them to do, not what you want them not to do.

Another tip is not to ask your child to do something, rather tell them. Eg could you hang up your coat? = hang up your coat. No bargaining, no pleading, no requests, just a simple straightforward direction.

Final tip - replace please with thank you. Thank you assumes the direction will be carried out. 'hold mummy's hand when crossing the road, thank you' not 'please hold mummy's hand'.

Pick one of these, practice it for a week. Good luck!

Gaelach I'm going to try your advise, as my DD just doesn't listen to me.

Do you have any advice re consequences if the child still doesn't do as they are asked?

passthewine my advice there would be to agree consequences with your dd at a time you're both calm and happy.
It has to be explicitly clear that everywhere in life there are certain rules, school, home, work, church etc and that the rules are there to keep everyone safe and happy. Maybe you could ask what sort of rules there are in school etc. Explain that at home/with mummy/daddy there are rules too. Those rules (no more than 3/4) could be 1. Listen carefully when an adult speaks to you

1. Hands to yourself (not no hitting, remember don't say don't, stop saying stop
2. Take care of people and things (this covers a multitude of stuff!)
3. Whatever other rule you have in your home - 30 mins screen time/no shoes on the sofa/chores before playtime - whatever it might me.

Talk about why these rules are important, I guarantee your dd will understand why.

Next decide on consequences. Ask your dd what she thinks reasonable, she might have some ideas. It might be 5 minutes less of screen time/a time out/no dessert after dinner. Don't jump immediately to a huge consequence - not listening one time shouldn't result in absolutely no dessert for the rest of the week for example.

There has to be a very clear procedure.

1. Hold my hand crossing the road, it's dangerous.
2. Hold my hand crossing the road, I won't ask again
3. Thank you for taking my hand sweetheart, it's very dangerous etc

OR

1. (take her hand yourself) I asked you twice and you didn't listen. One of our house rules is to listen carefully to mummy.

If it's not possible to enforce one of the consequences there and then, remind your dd when you get home etc and you can enforce it then.

I know it sounds very clinical and detached, and it can be difficult when there is a lot of emotion involved, but try and remove yourself from the emotional aspect and see it as a type of transaction. Tell the rule, give another chance, praise the child for listening to the rule/issue a consequence.

Start small, pick one rule or strategy and involve your dc in the whole process, from deciding on the rules and why to thinking of possible consequences.