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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD (3.7) has just tried to 'kill' DS (5mths)...............

12 replies

Flumpybumpy · 26/02/2007 12:14

DD was playing upstairs ans DS was in his cot having a nap. DS suddlenly started screaming like mad so I rushed upstairs to find DD had stood on a stoll and dragged the covers overs DS's face. I explained that DS could stop breathing and it wasn't acceptable etc.....

A few hours later we were all in the sitting room, DS on his playmat and DD watching TV. I went to make a cuppa and walked back to find DD holding a cushion over DS face very hard saying 'he just wont die Mummy!'.

I didn't know what to say to her. Clearly my 'you will hurt him talk had no effect. I am now following her around like a shadow, petrified in case she does something else to him.

I can only think that it is jealousy causing it............

FB x

OP posts:

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ScummyMummy · 26/02/2007 12:16

Keep her away from him and constantly supervised. She's jealous and it's normal. Give her lots of attention. Tell her she is not allowed to hurt him. Tell her you love her lots.

noonar · 26/02/2007 12:18

be wary of giving it too much attention. you dont want her to do it again, just for the reaction. xx

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 26/02/2007 12:18

She is such a loving girl usually she is always hugging and kissing DH, me and DS. A family member died recently and we tried to explain what had happened so the death thing has come from that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 26/02/2007 12:19

Good point noonar, I had a chat with her when it happened then told DH when he came home and he spoke to her too.

OP posts:

fryalot · 26/02/2007 12:20

Take the cushions out of the room.

tortoiseSHELL · 26/02/2007 12:22

I wouldn't worry about it, but equally wouldn't leave them unsupervised. Give lots of positive attention for nice play, nice attention to ds, if she tries anything that might hurt him, say nothing, pick up ds and go into a different room. Then she isn't getting negative attention, which might perpetuate the behaviour.

Don't worry about the 'trying to make him die' - little ones don't really understand what death is - my children say things like 'I want you to die, and then come back to life tomorrow'.

justaphase · 26/02/2007 12:25

I tried to kill my brother when I was 4. He was 2. Pushed him into a lake. Just wanted to see what will happen really. There was the atraction of him no longer being there to compete for mum's attention but that was a secondary bonus. The main thing was curiosity. I never tried it again after I saw how upset it made my parents. Plus they took my clothes off and dressed him because his were drenched obviously, which worked as a bit of an (unintended) punishment.

Sorry no help but just wanted you to know that this is totally normal (alternatively I am mad, but I don't think so - have a great relationship with my brother these days).

yaddayah · 27/02/2007 21:29

little ones don't understand the concept of death .. they hear about it, but the permanence doesn't register, thh i would have been freaked out by what has happened, but i'm sure she doesn;t realise the consequence of her actions, the recent beareavment has probably been the trigger (as well as sibling rivalry)

Make her understand how upset you've been by her actions (always seems to work with my ds .. dissapointment rather than shouting is a powerfull weapon) don't leave them alone and try not to make a big issue of it (after the initial.. mummy was very upset talk

(btw i was a total COW to my sister so i speak from slight experience !!)

pucca · 27/02/2007 21:32

I caught my dd (3) swing her arm around and smack my ds (29 weeks) across the head! i do think it is normal tbh but shocking for you!

My db wrapped a wire washing line around my neck and i was blue when we was little! (think my mum nearly had a heart attack on the spot)

Original poster

Flumpybumpy · 28/02/2007 09:49

I think I find it harder to understand as I am an only child so never had any of the trying to kill my own siblings things!!

Most of the time she is kind and loving but she kicks off when I spend time with DS, helping him sit up, playing with toys etc... she is fine if I am not playing with either of them but the second I turn my attention to him alone (although she is not bothered when I feed him) she gets jealous.

Listening to other Mums of more than one, I have tried to make sure I spend alone time with her too and we always have bathtime where I sit on the loo and talk to her in the bath about playchool etc.. and we have cuddles and story a bedtime, so she doesn't get left out.

Is this still jealousy????

FB x

OP posts:

bandstand · 28/02/2007 09:59

my 2 and a half year old covered his baby sister in cushions at one point too. They do probably all do something like that at one stage or another. They were the only one and now are not so it is hard for them.

I think all the talk about death probably did it in your case and i am sure she didnt mean for it to actually happen. death is a very difficult concept to understand for children.

hex · 01/03/2007 19:43

Was getting dd1 (4 yrs) ready for a bath - 8 week dd2 in the bathroom in rocker. I stepped out on the landing to get a towel (literally 2 seconds)...came back to find dd1 about to push her elbow hard into dd2's ribs. I recall shouting really loud at her, and talkng later in bedroom, of which the conversation went like this:

me: why did you try to hurt dd1

dd1: I don't like having a baby sister anymore...it's no fun

me: do you want her to go back to hospital?

dd1: no but daddy could hold her instead

[gulp! me in floods of tears at this point]

I know for a fact we paid dd1 loads of attention just before and immediately following dd2's birth. I know we couldn't have done more. I think it was an instinctive response to having to share us. She'd had us for herself for 4 years.

Now, 2 yrs on she can be really protective and loving of dd2 - they fight but she's moved into the rewarding role of big sister - and dd2 adores her.

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