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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

i need help with my 5 year old..

10 replies

kelseylee92 · 30/01/2017 16:24

I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel like I am constantly yelling at him and I hate it. He doesn't want to listen, he is so rude to other people (refuses to say hello, thank you, bye, or shake hands) he always has something sarcastic to say back when I ask something of him.. He can be so sweet and loving but those times are rare.. He has recently started acting the same way towards his grandma. he will yell at her and try to boss her around. Spankings don't help, yelling doesn't help, ive tried just talking with him,, nothing seems to help. Its got to the point now that even his school is concerned about his behavior and is asking to have a meeting with my husband and I.. What can I do to correct this behavior? I'm at a loss.

OP posts:

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Yell0915 · 30/01/2017 16:41

No real good advice apart from to say go easy, he's only 5, hitting him for not listening is not going to get you anywhere
My Ds would never say hi/bye etc to strangers at 5, the world is black and white at that age, if he doesn't feel like saying hi just to save face for you then he won't
Listening will improve as he gets older, my Ds is 7 and this past 6months his listening and concentration have improved considerably

Yell0915 · 30/01/2017 16:46

Is he an only child, are you spending enough one on one time with him?
Is it a cry for attention, we all have days where we are so busy with housework etc that we ignore dcs without realising they just want a cuddle or to spend a bit of time chatting etc

Yell0915 · 30/01/2017 16:47

Also re how he is acting towards grandma...sounds like he's acting as you do to him. Learnt behaviour

Cinnamon2013 · 30/01/2017 16:53

'Spankings don't help'

Cinnamon2013 · 30/01/2017 16:54

Actually not hmm more WTAF

JerryFerry · 30/01/2017 16:54

It is quite normal for children not to greet people, especially adults.

Mostly it sounds as though your expectations of him are too high and you've set up a war zone.

However, if the school is concerned then I'd listen. What advice/solutions are they offering?

Oh, and if you want him to be civil, you are going to need to start modelling better behaviour - hitting and yelling is not the way forward.

Astoria7974 · 30/01/2017 16:55

Stop yelling.
Stop smacking.
Look him in the eye when you communicate, all the time.
If you promise something (even a punishment) you must follow through with it, otherwise your word means nothing.

Sandsnake · 30/01/2017 17:04

Have you considered hitting him harder?

Seriously though, stop hitting your child. It's so wrong. How is that going to teach him to respect people? The fact that he's yelling and bossing people around probably shows that he's trying to get some control back and sees that yelling is how you try do that.

Believeitornot · 30/01/2017 17:09

It might be worth reflecting on whether he's learned this behaviour from anywhere.

That's my roundabout way of saying that he's probably picked up a lot of this from home... 5 year olds are very literal - they don't really do sarcasm. So any tone will be copying an adults, I can guarantee it. Any yelling - well you yell at him so don't be surprised that he yells.

It might be worth a) reflecting very carefully on adult behaviour in the home around him b) getting parenting classes c) reading some parenting books which we can recommend d) lower your expectations. I'm guessing he's just started school so his behaviour will be dire if he's very tired!

I have a 7&5 year old. They've been great at holding up a mirror to how I am. They have tested my patience but also made me realise that I need to make changes to how I interact with them.

alwaysthepessimist · 01/02/2017 12:32

I am not going to tell you not to yell at him because I know how you feel, I was having issues with my 4 yo dd & I posted on here, I was very upset and at the end of my tether, the advice I received was lovely (I hadn't actually go to the smacking point though) but one thing stuck with me, that was to take a step back. I have actively over the last couple of weeks not shouted at her at all, I am actively engaging with her & praising her, no raising my voice (it's hard btw), I have also told her what I am doing & why and asked her to tell me when she is upset with me & when she has shouted at me I haven't responded to her until she has calmed down. I am also giving her more time to do things, get out of bed etc etc - to do this I have had to adjust my routine but the difference is amazing, her behaviour is so much better, I feel like we actually like each other again, her school work is better, she seems less anxious, she is sleeping better. I will admit it is damn hard work at times and I am sure I will slip up but it has taken this for me to realise her behaviour was a direct reflection of me...it's a horrible realisation & I doubt I will ever not feel guilty for it

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