Having a problem with DD's school - but I'm an academic

[WriterMum034]

Hello parents

I'm writing this post at a moment of utter confusion and a real drop in confidence in my abilities and attitudes as a parent.
This is what's happened in a nut shell: the school have written to me and my husband to say that our daughter, who is 5 (in year 1), doesn't change her reading books often enough. It was a very judgemental letter which said things like "most children are being supported at home...Unfortunately, it appears that Ana blah blah", also that we are hindering her progress, and she may become a reluctant reader etc.
The letter was a surprise but the tone of it was a shock. It's correct that we don't insist on homework, but our beliefs are that we shouldn't. DD is at the reading level we've been told she should be at (blue, whatever that means) and the Xmas school report said she's meeting age expectations in all areas. Since when is that not enough? I wrote back explaining that, yes, we can start to enforce homework if necessary, but that we're not aware that there's an actual problem with her progress, and that we believe that she also needs rest, free play, and not to be put under too much academic pressure so young. She reads all sorts of stuff at home, from my grocery shopping to bits of books we read at bedtime, and to be her progress seems fine. She doesn't have to be an absolute Einstein at this young age, because I want her to keep loving school (and she does), and not become sick of it when there's so many years of studying ahead of her.
My argument was also that, as I'm a writer and an academic (I'm a full time lecturer at a university, teaching creative writing of all things!!!), I don't really foresee problems with my children becoming good readers because we are simply a family where books are a normal part of every day life. I'm a published writer, I read every day, I read to my children every night, I just think those things happen naturally and organically.
My daughter has read 35 books (this is from her reading diary) from the start of the academic year. I have no idea how many she was supposed to have read, but 35 books for a 5-year old to me sounds perfectly okay.
Well, now I've been invited in to meet in person with the teacher and the head teacher, to discuss my daughter's reading and the points I raised in my email. I feel utterly told off - I mean, invited to have a meeting with the head??? I almost can't believe the development of this situation.
I'm utterly confused, a little bit angry and also somewhat concerned.
Am I totally wrong here? Am I just being crazy, for thinking that they've gone a bit crazy in our elementary school education system?
Please help. Let me know your honest opinions. Thank you so much.

OK, now that you mention it, Manumission. Perhaps I should change my name by deed poll...

I actually think that they cover a lot of ground in Reception in England - in Ireland, where I'm from, much the same materials (I gather - my don was born in England) is covered more slowly over Junior and Senior Infants -- and I feel strongly about fun time and down time too. Mine is only four, and tends to get upset in case he 'makes mistakes', so I try to be quite casual about it all, while keeping up with phoics keywords, bloody Biff and co and writing practice.

I totally get the point from those of you who say there was no need to emphasise my job. I honestly didn't mean it like that - what I meant is that, given that I work in education itself, it's very worrying that I'm having a conflict with a school, of all things. I would never look down on primary school teachers, on the contrary, my job which is teaching primarily 18-21 year olds is so much easier than teaching little children.
It was not in the slightest bit meant as a 'don't they know who I am' (because indeed, who am I? - absolutely nobody in the larger scheme of things) but just to say that, as my life literally revolves around books, it's weird for me that the school should feel that I'm not supporting my DD's development with book reading. Does that make sense? And to explain, also, why I'm (well -have been) so relaxed about DD learning to read. Almost like, if I was a professional driver, I'd feel fairly confident that my children would learn how to drive a car, without any major issues.
I would change the title of my thread but don't know how! So clearly working in higher education is not enough to learn any sort of IT skills

I don't know, I think blue might be on the low side for a bright child (which I think you're implying in your OP). Perhaps they feel she could be doing better with more support from home? Top readers in my DDs class are on purple, gold and white stages. Of course relaxing, playing etc are important but reading should only take 5-10 minutes a day.

Just keep on doing what you're doing. Very odd that this has started with a letter out of the blue. Primary schools should be constantly communicating really.

If she likes reading and books and is progressing that is all that matters. My DD1 whooshed up the reading charts but I think her comprehension trailed behind. DD2 is learning much more slowly but enjoying the actual reading (rather than the accomplishment of 'levelling up') and her comprehension is v good.

You do support her at home. Just not in exactly the prescribed way. And that is absolutely fine.

I utterly despise the school's requirement that I have to write in the reading record three times a week and if I don't, my child gets in trouble. Mine has been reading well since reception, gets through around 3 books a week by her own volition and is exceeding in all areas at school but if I don't sign her bloody reading record she gets points taken off her house record. It's ridiculous and tick box and drives me a bit bonkers - mostly because I find it so unimportant that I never remember to do it.

Well, if it's only an invitation to come in, you could blandly misunderstand them and reply, 'No, no, you're fine. I have no worries about your teaching or DD's reading progress. Best regards, DrAcademic'.

It looks to me like they are feeling threatened. They know they are in the wrong. That is why they have offered a meeting with the teacher and the head. The reason I say this, is because when I have expressed some legitimate concerns over the way my DC's school was meeting their additional needs, in the past, this is what happened. What they would have liked would you to just tick their boxes for them - with no extra fuss or effort on their part. This is why they send these generic (and it will be generic) letters. If they had really done the 'leg work' they would have referred specifically to your daughter's progress, highlighted any specific areas of concern, regarding her progress and given suggested activities to help her.

Does your dd's teacher know what you do for a living?
Obviously the receptionist and office lady do, but they haven't necessarily passed the information on.
As far as the teacher knew, your dd was a bright child not progressing through the school reading books as quickly as might be expected because she doesn't read them at home.
Blue level might be expected level, but at this stage of yr 1 I'd expect at least half of the class to be quite a way beyond that.
I have worked with many children who never receive any support from home with reading and it does have a huge impact on progress overall. Often it isn't addressed properly with parents until yr 5/6 but by then its almost too late.
I'd be grateful to the teacher and the school that they are not happy to just let dcs coast along if they believe they could be doing better.

I'm a published writer, I read every day, I read to my children every night, I just think those things happen naturally and organically

It doesn't necessarily work like that. I knew a mum who would have said almost exactly that. About age 8yo she realised that hadn't happened with one of hers. She hated to read, and was getting behind. The other two dc were just what you'd expect-keen readers with reading ages way ahead.
So she had to put loads of effort in she didn't expect to have to.
The other two just seemed to learn to love reading by osmosis, the middle one she had to encourage. She puts one of her happiest moments when she was about 14 yo or 15yo and she discovered an author she liked was coming to the local bookshop and she was so excited she cried when she heard.

I also think there is an aspect of backing the school up. You can say "oh it doesn't matter about doing the homework" and I agree. I'd ban homework except reading books at primary.

However when there is homework to be done then having your child do it gets them into good habits-it won't be optional in the future at some point.

If they're reading other things, then write that in the reading record. The children love to show the teacher the record and be proud of it.
I've ignored the school books for home books a lot of the time for the dc, and written what they've read at home. Which can be anything from an ordinary fiction book through newspaper articles to the back of a cereal packet. The teachers are quite happy with that.
When I've run out of time and forgotten to record it I might write "Dc has read 5 days this week, reading chapters 3-8 in X book".

Saying she's read 35 books is a bit of an arbitrary figure. If most children are changing their books daily (one school near here aims for that at that age) then she'll have read under half what most have. if they usually change books weekly, she'd doing very well.
It also depends on the sort of books she's reading. Dd2 would generally read (even now at 12yo) around 20-30 books a week and has done since before reception. . She really would read all day (and all night) if she could.
Ds otoh would take around 2 weeks to read a book, but the book would be something along the lines of "Important battles in WWII" or "The Structure of the Spitfire" (boy did I love listening to those!) so would take much longer.

I suspect at least part of it is your attitude. You need to put it rather than confrontational "I don't believe in homework, and anyway she reads" in a positive, supporting way.
"You see she doesn't always find the reading books fun to read, and I'm trying to make it fun for her so I tend to get her reading something she'd interested in at the time. Would you like me to write that in the record?" and the teacher will see you as an involved parent who wants to support their child, rather than one of those parents who want to do everything their own way.

Okay. Firstly huge thanks to everyone who wrote. I know this sounds very daft, but I found it easier to ask this question anonymously here on MN than to discuss it with the mums I know at school, because I'm worried they'd be judgemental.

Quite a few people mentioned the possibility that my attitude could do with some adjusting, and I'll definitely work on that. I'll go into the meeting positive and friendly and hopefully come out with an understanding of how best to proceed.

I'm just very grateful for your support, and that you pretty much all felt that I'm not the worst mother in the world, which at one point earlier today seemed rather likely to me.

Thank you all, ladies (I'm thinking it was just ladies who wrote, apologies if I've missed out any dads)