I am so over protective of my 9 yr old ds

[Blossomhill]

Reading the making tea thread has made me realise how hard I am going to find it to let ds have some independance.
I won't let him play out, make tea, do anything without an adult really. He doesn't go any chores either.
Dh thinks I am over the top and need to remove his cotton wool vest.
I am just finding it hard to let go but know I must iykwim. I can't believe how quick the time is going and that this time next year he will be 10 He's still my baby really

but asking kids to do a few very simple things (put away clothes, carry plates to dishwasher) is hardly destroying their childhood, surely?

FWIW we have recently started a new family rule after meals that everyone helps clear and wipe the table, load dishwasher, dry up etc. Nobody goes until it's all finished. And it is NICE. We chat, laugh and it takes a quarter of the time than when just dh and I did it.

If the dss weren't helping us I don't think they would have been having an enriching childhood experience anyway. More like watch TV or play computer games.

I think you do have to start them on the road to independence.

Trouble is when they are faced with something that involves skills they haven't learned they can't cope.

My DS is 10 and in 1.5 years he will be traveling to secondary school by bus and I want him to be able to take this in his stride and be able to cope with situations like missing the bus etc.

I am not keen on hil playing out as we live on a busy road and although we are next to a park it quickly fills up with older children who I don't want him mixing with. If I lived in a culdesac or quieter road he would be out playing all the time.

He goes to scouts and has been away to camp and has loads more, he has to look after his personal care and dress appropriatly for activities and bring all his kit home. I think this is excellent experience for him.

He can make me a cup of tea and his proudest achievment is using his Grandads coffee machine to make his GD a fancy coffee. He loves noodles so I have been showing how to make them himself. Skills like cooking are essential and a good way to learn about measuring and learn other maths and science knowledge.

I expect both kids (DDis 7) to help set the table and clear up dinner, they have to scrape plates and put them in the dishwasher, bring down clothes for washing and shower ont their own, tidy their rooms and DS has his fish to look after too. They walk the 5 mins to school together without me. I have just started sending DS to the library himself just accross the road and he goes to the shop for milk and stuff, again right accross the road.

I have a year to get him geared up to using buses himself and learning to deal with money better.

my 2 3/4 daughter hangs up her coat/bag when she comes in and puts her shoes in the shoe cabinet.

Puts dirty washing in the correct baskets (white or coloured). Can help empty the dishwasher and put plates etc away. Empty her uneaten food in the bin and stick plate in dishwasher.

Peel carrots, dust with feather duster and do some dishes. She also tidies her toys away before bringing more out. She had an entire room of relatives transfixed at xmas when she tidied up her trainset when she was finished.

Most of these things she wanted to do. Some I brought in after watching a playgroup full of 2.5 year ols scrape their plates empty cups and put them in a basin. Some of them I am encouraging becasue I did nothing as a child/teen then was suddenly expected to do all sorts. I think it just encouraged me to see chores as a pain rather than just what happens iyswim.

Agree with MrsApron,. I did nothing at home, and was never shown how to do anything, but was regularly screamed at for 'not helping'

With my children I am going to try to be utterly clear about what I want them to do, and how to do it. And they won't just get the shitty jobs either.

ohhhh Colditz, the screaming and the shouting about "not helping" and "no one ever does anything round here"

Never shown how to do a thing.

The house was a bloody tip as well. If I wanted a bath instead of a shower as a teen I used to spend half an hour cleaning it.

I am realy trying to make domestic stuff just normal really.

Snap. You could have been talking about the house I grew up in.

My mum still moans that "Nobody ever does anything" but the ironic thing is, that "Nobody" includes, and has always included, herself! She just doesn't see that coming in from work, making her dinner, sitting down and eating it, then falling asleep doesn't equal a tidy house, and my brother and sister won't clean up either, because they resent the mess, although they contribute so much to it.

Sorry, BH this is totally off-topic.

DD is 8 and helps out around the house, small things like putting washing away, running her bath, keeping her room tidy, tidying up after her brother all of which she dosent mind doing. She is not allowed out to play though, not because i dont trust her, its because i dont trust the rest of the world!

My 9 year old DD cooked dinner tonight - spaghetti with lemon and olives - let her have sharp knife to chop the garlic and all.
Was very proud of her and even prouder of me for standing back!

I don't think it will ruin anyones childhood unless it is excessive and they are doing jobs when they could be doing childrens stuff.I admit I am a walkover but ds does play out a lot and goes to town walks to school etc just no housework

I haven't read all the posts but this is a very interesting topic! Like some other posters here I went out with a boy once (even though he was 22, he was a boy) who's mum had been very overprotective and done everything for him, and all he wanted from relationships was a replacement mother figure to take her place. It is not an attractive or appealing quality!

I read something very good about this once by M Scott Peck that went something like "fostering independance is more loving than taking care of people who could otherwise take care of themselves". This is what I think whenever I'm finding it hard to let go and accept that my 4 yr old is no longer a baby and perfectly capable of doing certain things himself.

I do think you're wise not to let him play out on his own though if you don't feel comfortable with this. I guess it depends on where you live really.

Just read more posts, agree with colditz re children needing to be shown how to do things if they are expected to help!

My ds can put his clothes in washing basket

put clean clothes away

sort washing and put a wash on including washing powder etc.

clear the table after a meal

hoover

follow instructions for little chores to do

It's great not to have to do everything myself and get him involved when I'm tidying or doing chores, and he loves having these responsibilities, and they also provide great opportunities for learning!

blossomhill i refckon you might me nighmare MIL material

My 14 month old feeds the cat! Start em early I say!