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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I am so over protective of my 9 yr old ds

39 replies

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:07

Reading the making tea thread has made me realise how hard I am going to find it to let ds have some independance.
I won't let him play out, make tea, do anything without an adult really. He doesn't go any chores either.
Dh thinks I am over the top and need to remove his cotton wool vest.
I am just finding it hard to let go but know I must iykwim. I can't believe how quick the time is going and that this time next year he will be 10 He's still my baby really

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Twiglett · 19/02/2007 22:10

um BH .. give him some chores .. even my 2 year old isn't a baby

tortoise · 19/02/2007 22:12

My DS1 is 10 in April. I won't let him out either. Even though his class mates are often out on their bikes on the road. (without helmets )

He does help with things around the house sometimes and puts his washing away.

DrunkenSailor · 19/02/2007 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:14

Twiglett ~ I know I have to sort it out!
Tortoise ~ we have the same and I feel so bad. I know I am being silly but whenever I think of him out without an adult it scares the hell out of me.

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 19/02/2007 22:14

It's hard to let go isn't it, especially as you are trying so hard to do your best for ds. But ask yourself what is really best for him.

Dh's mother wouldn't let him play out, learn to swim, learn to ride a bike and insisted on him sleeping in her bed until he was ten. Not surprisingly he walked out at 17 and now barely talks to her.

(Don't mean to compare you to mad MIL though!)

Aloha · 19/02/2007 22:15

My two year old IS a baby ( ) but she can still pass me her plate and put her uneaten food in the bin if I ask!

SherlockLGJ · 19/02/2007 22:16

My 6 year old:

feeds the dog

brings laundry downstairs (albeit it piecemeal)

sorts it perfectly into piles for washing.

He takes the recycling out and with a bit of help sorts it into the right bins.

He helps carry the shopping in from the car at the weekend, granted only the light stuff but he gets most offended if he is excluded.

I think that is all, but it is not bad going for a 6 year old, he loves the feeling of being helpful.

noddyholder · 19/02/2007 22:17

My ds is 12 and dp has shown him how to make a cup of tea and every time I see him do it I flinch(or interfere depending on how I am feeling at the time)He does go out on his own with friends and I phone him every 5 minutes to check he is ok He does minimal chores and I don't really think he needs to do them yet but I am like you he is still my baby

SherlockLGJ · 19/02/2007 22:18

BTW

Apart from feeding the dog, these are not his chores. He just loves doing them.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:20

Shimmy ~ Oh god no I am not suffocating at all. He can swim and stays at his friend's houses. It's just the letting out. I always think of Holly and Jessica and get scared.
Sherlock ~ blimey your ds puts both of mine to shame. Can we swop?
Noddy ~ I know I have to let go, especially once he goes to high school, it's the doing it that's hard.

OP posts:

colditz · 19/02/2007 22:22

Or you may end up with a man like my brother who had to have mum run his baths until he was 17 (yes SEVENTEEN you read right)

he is capable of washing and drying up, cleaning the sides down, hoovering, dusting, tidying, gardening (not with lawnmower, tbh), and many many other things.

If you are doing everything for him he will one day expect his wife to.

I do know how hard it is to look at your sweet baby and see the big boy that is there.

Twiglett · 19/02/2007 22:23

wouldn't let him play out if I'm honest (not in London anyway) .. would give him chores, possibly some or all of

setting / clearing table
washing up
helping prepare meals
personal responsibility for own room / clothes in laundry bin
hoovering living areas

Twiglett · 19/02/2007 22:25

I would sit down with hhim and spin it positively I think

"Now you're older we think you're big enough to help run the house ... " give him a list of things and let him choose which 3 he starts with ..

Original poster

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:27

colditz ~ I have to say I am shocked at how quick he has grown up and he really has. I trust him but not other people/cars etc.
I will get him to do chores. Even if it is just to tidy his room. Hopefully he will take after his dad. My dh is fantastic and helps out loads.

Twiglett ~ thanks, good managable list there

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 19/02/2007 22:27

I agree that it's a lot harder to ask a 12 year old to start helping out if he's never done it before. If you start with an attitude when they are younger that everone helps out e.g. with drying up, then they are more likely to accept it as part of the deal when they are a spotty teen.

I am determined that my bos will grow up as new men, willing and able to do their fair share when they get loved up.

noddyholder · 19/02/2007 22:27

My ds hates any domestic chores and so I have indulged him He can do things but chooses not to as he knows I will or worse dp who absolutely mollycoddles him and still tucks him in every night.I think he will haev to learn to do a few things soon but am thinking 15 is soon enough Why waste his best years wiping down surfaces?He loves skateboarding and the park I think my obsessive clean mother who had us doing housework all the time made me swear my children would never do the same I know it is not everyones way but it is mine.

shimmy21 · 19/02/2007 22:28

boys not boss

estatebabe · 19/02/2007 22:29

blossomhill - my dd is 11 and she has just started going to her friends house on her own - allbeit the bottom of the road! She walks to school on her own as well now - i was very worried about taking the step, but she will be at senior school next year and will have to go on a bus, so I have to start somewhere.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:30

Well noddy I am kind of coming from the same way you are. I like ds to enjoy his free time but maybe just keeping his room tidy may help.
Don't even get me started about my 7.5 yr old dd!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossomhill · 19/02/2007 22:30

estatebabe ~ it's the first step that's the hardest isn't it? I know I will have to do it but it's the doing it I find hard....

OP posts:

noddyholder · 19/02/2007 22:32

One of my closest friends has brought her 4 up doing v little but now the two eldest are at uni they can look after themselves and so I am not too worried Everyone learns eventually and I think i would have done the same with a girl.

noddyholder · 19/02/2007 22:33

Blossom he is only 9 -no rush

colditz · 19/02/2007 22:35

Well, the reason my 3 year old tidies his own toys, and my children will do chores as they get older, is that I'm not a skivvy. And also, I went out with a bloke whose mother did everything for him as a child - well, he was 23, and she still did everything. I was absolutely horrified, and more than a little repulsed, when his 59 year old mother got down on her hands and knees to pick up the peas he had dropped between his feet. I still have that image in my mind, of him moving slightly so he could still watch the TV!

But that was probably a very extreme case.

Polgara2 · 19/02/2007 22:51

As my dds 9 and 6 do very little now that I come to think about it, am torn between these not a skivvy and enjoy childhood side of the arguments .

colditz · 19/02/2007 23:01

I don't think there is much childhood wrecking about tidying your room and washing up a couple of times a week, tbh.

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