4yo is rude, demanding and tantruming

[DressingGownDays]

This behaviour started within the last few weeks. There is nothing I can think of that's sparked it off - happy home life, etc. She has become really rude, shouty demanding and uncooperative towards my DH and I.

It often starts because she does not get her own way with something: - I turned the TV off after warning it was going off after the programme; we realised it was too far to walk to post xmas card to friends house and turned back (my misjudgement); she wants her breakfast NOW, not after I've finished loading the washing machine with pooh stained bedding.

I explain calmly that I can't come to her right away because of xyz, or give reasons why she can't get what she wants, but her behaviour spirals out of control. It lasts for a long time, with her refusing to cooperate (sometimes unsafely - not holding on to pram and running off ahead), saying 'No' to everything I ask her to do, speaking to me in a horrible voice about everything, no 'please' or 'thank you's.

I end up sending her to her room, which is a battle in itself, and then finally taking things off her if she continues - no second book at bedtime, fruit after dinner, chocolate, etc.

Is this normal for a FOUR year old?
Its not through lack of things to do - we go out every day and play stuff at home too.

Realised I've called myself "DressingGownDays", because I have my DG on now! We go out every day, honestly!

You mention a pram. Don't underestimate the impact getting a sibling has on a young child.

xx Yes, beahiour much worse since DS was born (now 1 year, 4 months).
Forgot to mention above - she argues back and has a black-belt in negotiation....

You need a parenting rethink. How to talk so kids will listen is a good start.

Has she started school?

Christmas coming always ramps up this type of behaviour. Over excitement, anticipation, and everything different... especially if they are in school, as everything is usually different the last few weeks there as well.

Perhaps look at choosing your battles, so she feels like she has some say or control over some things. If certain behaviours are cropping up at regular activities or times, look at what might be triggering it, then look at how to solve it from there.

For instance, if she regularly wants her breakfast when you're in the middle of something, maybe make sure that there is something available that she can help herself to if she wants to start nibbling before you are ready. We have a bowl of bananas and apples on the counter. The dcs know that if they get hungry before we start breakfast, they can help themselves to a piece of fruit, no problem.

She has not started school yet.
Thank you Ginger - some good ideas x

I think it's fairly normal. At least I hope so, because my four year old is similar.

I second the how to talk so kids will listen book, it's really good. Top tip for me was to use fewer words, something like "DD, coat!" when she's thrown her coat on the floor after coming in.

Good luck...

Kids often copy behaviour. Sometimes you will hear your exact phrases coming out of their mouths. Which can be either or ... therefore, I would suggest that where possible you make a real attempt to speak to her really gently and with exaggerated courtesy. Also, speak like this to other people when she is listening. Kids are trying so don't beat yourself up over this. Good luck!

DS is just 5 so has started school and wow, he's testing me at the moment! I will be going back to the How to Talk book over the holiday, I flicked through it a few months ago and none of it really applied...ha, got too cocky didn't I?!

I do think Christmas makes them extra crazy. Good luck!

Sympathy OP. My 4yo ds is like this too.

I do wonder if it's because he really would have been ready for school this year but because he is a November birthday he has to wait a whole extra year and will be very nearly 5 by the time he starts. I think he is fed up with pre school and ready for a bigger challenge at school.

I also just think he is a typically annoying asshole 4yo!!

He is wondrous too a lot of the time and I am enjoying his company more and more but he is acting out loads too.

Hopefully just a phase.