What's happened to my nice DS- advice needed

[oneofeach]

Please help me. My DS has just turned 3 and this week started in the nursery of the local school. He has always been quite a 'headstrong' little chap but basically pretty well behaved. Nothing I don't think is normal toddler behaviour. He goes to nursery for 2.5 hours in the morning. His behaviour this week has been truly awful. I have been in tears by 5pm most days. He is shouting all time, being defiant. I started trying stickers for when he was well behaved yesterday but it doesn't really seem to have made much difference. I know he must be tired. I haven't managed to talk to the staff at the nursery to ask what he's like there but I suspect he's quite good. To cap it all, today he has just refused to use the toilet and has pooed in his pants 3 times. For the past three days he has been weeing next to the toilet rather than in it. I have been getting really cross with him about everything - it feels like I'm always shouting. I have tried really hard today not to but now all this pooing! I also got cross about that but then we had a chat about it and he said he would use the potty or toilet next time. Five minutes later he's wee-ed himself. I didn't really respond. My worry is that I can't send him to nursery if he's going to do this. I suppose I will send him and see if he does it there.

Is this all down to starting nursery? He seems to love it and is really keen to get there every morning. I'm a SAHM so he has been with me all this time. I also have a 7 month DD and he is great with her. Does anyone have any wise words? Thanks for reading.

Sounds like he might be trying to tell you he's still your little baby boy, and needs you to be his Mummy, even tho' he is enjoying nursery - and especially now that he is leaving you at home with the baby - he's maybe unconsciously adopting 'baby' habits that get attention. Mixed up with the fact that he comes home tired - and probably hyped up from his exciting morning. I think I would make a huge cuddly fuss of him each afternoon, give him lots of one-to-one attention, and perhaps subtley imply that the baby is being a bit of a nuisance from time to time and how nice it is to have a big boy - who is still your baby!
Definately sounds like a re-action to starting nursery - and temporary!

Oneofeach: bump this up when it isn't teatime: I can't possibly be the best person to have a view on this - I've got no experience of helping my toddler through having a baby bro or sis for a start!

Thanks Blu, after I read your message I put DD to bed early and me and DD had a cuddle while watching CBeebies (despite his soggy pants!) and he had a lovely bath and bedtime, so lots of attention from me. I think over the weekend I might try and take him out somewhere, just us two.

dear oneofeach - to jump start him back into potty/toilet training have you thought of letting him go naked at home seeing as it is so hot and having a potty in which ever room he is in at the time. he then may be more aware when he wants to go. when you do have to have him in clothes focus on the 'dry' instead of the wet, keep checking every 15 mins to 1/2 hour then lots of praise when he's dry. then start to ask him to check himself, when he says he is dry say how pleased you are. i know how frustrating this is as my ds1 went through this. i was told to focus on what they can do rather than what they can't. i rememember a friend telling me she knew of someone who lost it with her dd when she had pooed in her pants one too many times. her dd was so stressed she didn't poo for 3 weeks and had to be colonically irrigated
good luck and remember it doesn't last forever, it just feels like it