Discipline and an anxious child - dilemma

[binkie]

Lots of you know I have worries about ds (5) - basically around social skills and impulse control. I've got a dilemma. He has been out of hand at school again recently - repeated incidents such as taunting of teachers with rude words - not aggressive, it's more extreme giddiness, to point of idiocy; the trigger is almost always another child's bit of more savvily done misbehaviour, which he gets inspired and then carried away by. The words themselves are on the innocent side - it's the repeatedness of the events as a whole that's worrying - the lack of retention of the last incident's telling-off, and so on.

At the same time he is showing sort of anxious signs - saying he's bad, and with a whole armoury of little habits that might come from nerves - blowing in his hand is this week's.

We need to deal with the behaviour, but I am worried about making the anxieties worse. I have made him a little card to carry in his pocket saying "stop and think". What else can I do? Anyone had anything like this?

(Could it be that the anxiety is causing the bad behaviour, so I'm looking at it back to front?)

Binkie, it's difficult to say something as I can't see the full picture, so please excuse me if I am wrong. But I find the following worrying

"Taunting teachers with rude words-not agressive" not agressive???

The triger is almost always another child [...] then he gets inspired" if that child is such an "inspiration" how is it that not many other 5 yrs old follow him?

"At the same time he is showing sort of anxious signs - saying he's bad, and with a whole armoury of little habits that might come from nerves - blowing in his hand is this week's." Well if he hears all week that he is bad, there will be a time when he will believe it himself (and may even enjoy it tbh), a very nice book I once read about how to control boy's behaviour, said that boys needed to know three things to behave better and curiously knowing the rules makes them more confident and loved by people:

-Boys needs to know who is in charge
-They need to know what are the rules
-And finally they need to know that these rules will be applied fairly and consistently.

If your DS believes that he is in charge and has no idea of the rules, it is not difficult to see why he is getting anxious.

Binkie- anxiety can cause bad behaviour. A classic case would be something like Asperger's- where anxiety is part and parcel of the condition.

I am not saying your son has AS- not at all- but there are lots and lots of books out there that give advice on how to deal with behavioural issues/school issues etc in kids with AS- and you may find the techniques would be helpful to your son (I use a lot of the "techniques" I use wth non-verbal autistic ds1 wth ds2 to great effect).

Have a google- and maybe have a look in your local library.

I think the card is an EXCELLENT idea (and visual reminders are one of things you will find recommended for AS type issues).

Other children winding up kids wth AS so the AS kids gets in trouble- is very very common- meaning that there will be lots written about that issue as well.

I can't give you much direct advice as I haven't read all that much about AS but I think if you look in that area you will find lots of behavioural advice that would really help your son....

Thank you.

Jimjams, it does keep circling back to AS, doesn't it? Very sensible position that even if I'm told over and over the "label" doesn't "fit", the strategies darn well might.

Anyone else? Others' perspectives really help.

I agree that the AS strategies still work well on NT children. If your ds responds well to visual things then perhaps you could try something like Social Stories to teach him about how not to taunt teachers etc. We've had a lot of success with ds1 by using this method. It helps children to understand what should happen in a given situation and how they are expected to behave. The pictures used in the book help to reinforce the words and act as a kind of prompt - just as your "Stop and think" card does.

Social stories is a great idea. There's a big book available of ready made ones.

Might be worth checking out the Jessica Kinglsey website. She publishes lots of relevant books.

Thought the particular people who responded to my original post might be amused by this: ds loves his little card (so much so he told our neighbour about it on way to school) and when he came home he was specially happy - because the class assistant had laminated it.

Has Mrsforgetful been moonlighting as a classroom assistant??

Aww! That's so sweet, Binkie.