my 7 yo dd equates being thin with being beautiful. please help.

[sereneno]

My ex dh phoned me this evening after having a discussion with dd - he told me she's hardly eaten since yesterday (dc spend every other wkend with their dad) and claims that she will only eat breakfast because "she wants to be thin and beautiful". She has evaded eating over half term but has claimed she has tummy ache- ive pandered to this because there is a tummy bug going round but now after her disclosure to her dad im worried.my 1st reaction is to talk to her tomorrow evening when she comes home and then make a doctors appointment and discuss the health implications of not eating properly with her and doc. Am i over reacting? am very upset and shocked that my little girl is even thinking like this

My DD has came away with a few comments along those lines but not refused food or anything. We have had a few general discussions about food, weight and beauty. Tried to keep it light hearted and very concious not to discuss weight loss or watch any programmes about dieting etc in front of her. I think I would talk to doctor with out her present at firts if she is refusing meals etc.

What a worry for you.
Personally i would be concerned but thats probably because of my family history so i realise the implications of eating disoorders etc.
My dd1 has started calling herself fat on occasions and didn't want to put her raincoat on over her jacket the other day as she said she would look fat,she is 5 !

I don't think you are over-reacting, I'd be very worried too. Suspect Skribble may be on to something wrt visiting the docs on your own - apart from anything else you can suss out how switched-on the GP is.

Thanks Scribble just needed to touch base with someone with experience of this. i know image is a huge issue with girls and media but had thought stupidly that it wouldnt affect my dd yet. she is quite young for her her age and is a head taller than all of her friends and slim so had (smugly) thought we would bypass any issues of weight. cannot believe its even a concern at her age, it's so so sad.

i some somethign on channel 4 the other week, of course blaming the mothers, and irealised i lookin the mirror and make disparaging comments about myself in fron of my dds, they are always very complimentary, mummy you look beautiful, but since seeing this, have stopped (am trying) to make comments... do you think you do the same?

i know i know it's not relaly a blame thing.
probably actually picking it up from her peers.

My DD is very tall for her age and does dance and gymnastics so very slim. She decided she was fat as her legs and arms wobbled. We had a lighthearted chat about it and I discovered it was he muscles moving about that she thought were fat bits.

We chatted about muscles and how they had to remain flexible and move about under the skin, we talked about she gets energy from food and why she needed energy for her activities. I make sure that I eat with the kids and sit down to meals, I don't diet or talk about dieting, but encourage her to eat at least 5 portions of fruit and veg and drink milk etc.

I explain how you get energy from certain foods along with other goodness. I try to keep it all factual and relating to healthy eating not dieting.

Thanks everyone for replying. Im usually a lurker and usually dont have the courage to contribute but this has prompted me to post. I have a ds aged 13 and image has never been a problem with him (the reverse in fact!) so this is new territory for me and i was a complete tomboy. I just want her home so that i can hold her and tell her she is beautiful.

I worry about her picking up adult attitudes towards bodies. She says I have a fat bum, I say I know its gorgeous isn't it, I tell her I like my big bum and how I am trying to keep fit and she knows I go to the gym I make sure I tell her its to get fit, I don't mention losing weight or being slim.

I think as mums we have to be very careful about how we talk about diets and weight los in front of young girls.

mine love to watch the dreadul "you are what you eat". I might put a stop to that now. i need an excuse.

skribble, does your dd know that Jennifer Lopez has made having a bum A Good Thing? As in, she's a Latina with a Latina figure and has made a virtue out of it?

Not really pointed that fact out, but I am sure DH has admired her assets in front of DD. Luckly DH likes big bums and curvy ladies too.

I do worry if DD gets into dance seriously there seems to be so much pressure on Ballet dancers for instance to stay very slim, but I know they have to eat well to have the energy for so much dance.

I was slim until about the age of 18 even though I did have big hips. Hopefully she will stay naturaly slim and continue to have a good appetite.

wow .. this has opened my eyes. ds 5 always hears me say 'im so fat and i have a double chin' - when really im a size 12 . he wont hear me say anything of the sort now.

good for you for taking it seriously though.

I wish there were more features and ads around like the one I saw in the Derbyshire magazine. A local lingerie shop using beautiful normal women, not airbrushed, not reshaped to model bras, knickers, thongs. Outstanding. I've been showing everyone around.

Hope you get things sorted out with your DD.

I like the dove adverts, I want to grab DD and make her wathc and say see see you can be curvy darling.