My stepson is 10.5 and i have known him for about 2 years, its not that I don't want to bond with him i do and i want to help him as he has lots of difficulties. I have brought up two boys who are early teens now, the last 5 years very much on my own aside from alternate weekends to their dads, so its not like i have brought children up or dealt with boys or ever not bonded with a child whether a friends child or all of my own of child's friends, who i get on with great.
I find my stepson difficult in many ways, his diet is poor he eats bread, crisps, dry crackers, biscuits and cake mostly, hes overweight, under exercised, spends majority of his life on xbox, phone or nintendo DS, cannot ride a bike or doing anything sporty, cannot use a knife and fork as never had to ? cannot tie shoelaces, eats with his mouth open and noisily, has no tone in his voice other than one tone and fairly loud, he only uses my name if prompted and infact only usually says hello or goodnight to me when prompted, this weekend he spoke one one word to me from teatime friday to saturday morning
I have tried to help him by sitting down with him and explaining about the importance of all these things when hes older, ive bought him a 2nd hand bike but he has no want to do anything and gives up so easily, ive explained i am happy to help him with eating and trying new foods, ive taught him how to use a knife and fork, but ive explained he has to want to do it otherwise it wont work. Also told my partner he has to speak to the family too as they have to help i cannot do it alone .... my partner doesnt seem bothered about doing anything and tends to only do something when prompted by me ? i feel like i am flogging a dead horse and its beginning to impact on the realtionship as I am started to dread him coming round as nothing i do or say changes anything its like i seem to get through for a moment and then he gives up and goes back to his normal self and it beginning the grate on me that my partner doesnt seem to do anything either and i dont want to feel stressed in my own home every or go out every weekend to get away from what seemingly isnt going to change
Ive spoke to many support groups who all advise an appt with a child psychologist would be a good idea to rule out nothing underlying, but again nothing been done, I am not the type who rests on my laurels i have problems i deal with them and constantly strive to improve or make things better, so you can see this stresses me out as for over 2 years from when i first met my partners son i recognised subtle differences he suffers terribly with anxiety too, so much so even at out house he will shout downstairs from the top of the landing his dad to check he is still there ? despit me and his dad saying a million times we would never go anywhere without telling him, he wont go to the toilet by himself when we are out either, infact he does very little by himself i had to ask his dad to stop dressing him on holiday last summer as hes 10 and perfectly capable which he is in a fashion he struggles more because hes sloth like in his movements not because he cant
can anyone give any advice i find it painful to watch a child who isn't being taught and developed well for the big wide world, he also doesnt play out ever with other kids and spends most of time with his mum or either of his grans or on a computer console or phone outside of school.
on a more positive he is very bright child for his age but outside of this he reminds of a 5/6 year old, he has only basic please and thankyou manners all other manners and etiquette you teach children are non existent.
His biological mum suffers with a mental illness and for the last two years have lived with her mum, mum and son slept in the same bed for this time despite having a spare room as no one can be bothered to sort it out for him ?
any advice feedback would be welcomed thanks