I don't want to go to nursery - and I'll make myself sick to prove it to you!

[salalex]

Dear All,
I wonder if you have any advice for me on the following. My 4yo dd is due to start school in August. She will be the youngest in her year - cut off in Scotland is February and her b'day is on 21st. Although she is academically ready, socially and emotionally she is going to find it v. hard. She has been at the same nursery since she was 8 months old and has loved it. They are lovely women, who take great care of her and she gets lots of love and affection from them. School is looming - her sister will be in P3 when she starts P1 - and since we have started talking about it, she has started making an enormous fuss about going to nursery. She cries until she is choking - especially if I don't take her - and then clings on to me. This morning her dad took her and as he was leaving the house , she managed to make herself sick. He took her anyway and said she made a big fuss when she got there too.I think I understand that she is worried about big new school. She has asked if the teachers give cuddles and, as she will got to the after school care club with her sister, has asked the girls there if they will cuddle her too! I feel so bad for her as she is obviously worried about being in such a new and potentially frightening environment. We are giving her lots of love and reassurance and are trying not to go on about school too much, although obviously it comes up in conversation. And everyone I meet with her says "Ooo and you'll be starting school soon" etc Added to this, she does not eat at all well (not a new thing) and has just got an inhaler from the doc to see if her coughing is relieved, so she might be a bit asthmatic as well. There will be 4 other children from her nursery going to this school, so I am going to ask the teacher if her particular friend can be in her class/group. Does any one have the slightest clue what I can do to make the transition from nursery to school any easier for her. I think the next few months are going to be very hard for her and am at my wits end with her. I wish I could take her worrying away from her, poor little thing. Thanks.

Salalex - no advice really because my DS is only 15 months, but sympathy, especially because I can see myself in your position in 3 yrs time. DS loves his nursery which he has been at since 15 weeks. You feel for them so much.
Hope somebody else can be more helpful.

Hi salalex, could you delay it til she's nearly 5? My ds goes to school in Sept and will be 5 in October, so will be one of the oldest. I know he's ready now but he wouldn't have been a year ago, at 4.

Apart from that, I don't know what to suggest but I'm likely to have similar from ds soon as he too seems uneasy about school. When do the induction days start and can you stay with her through these until she gets used to it? So far I've stayed with ds at a new pre-school attached to the school since he has also got clingy suddenly (not the same pre-school he's been attending for last 2 years). You could try asking the head? Sorry I'm not much help, will be interested to see what other advice you get on this. The puking must be worrying and annoying but I think I'd try ignoring it as far as possible so that she doesn't get anything out of it, whilst reassuring her that school will be ok and that hopefully, you'll be allowed to settle her in.

I agree. Is there any chance she could delay starting school for a year? Children who are oldest in their year have a definite advantage over the youngest, so it would probably be very much in her interest. Personally, I think it is barbaric the way the state forces babies to go to school. In Germany, for example, children go to proper school at seven, and they certainly don't do worse than English kids. I feel for your daughter and for you.

A friend of mone had the same problem regarding age starting school - same month birthday as your dd salalex. She actually has done this twice. She has two older children, a gap, then two younger children. Her first ds started at 4 ( Feb birthday) and has struggled a lot because he was immature. He is now at secondary school and is having difficulty because he is so young.
The third ds had his birthday in Feb also and because of my friend's previous experience she had a meeting with the education dept. and told them her son would not be starting school. He had another year at nursery and will be starting school this August.

I have another friend whose dd's birthday is 29th Feb. She started school at 4 and has had no problems at all academically or maturity wise. Girls do tend to be more mature than boys though.

The bottom line is that only you know your child. If you think she is too young - don't send her.

My own eldest ds has his birthday March 6th and I was so glad he didn't go to school till he was 5. He vertainly wasn't ready at 4yrs.

Can't spell this morning - really should get dressed and have some breakfast.
Anyone else taken their kids to school wearing a raincoat over their nightie?

So glad I'm not the only one not yet dressed either Mears (half term here)

Thanks for your comments. I wish that in Scotland they had a post christmas in take - but they don't, so if I leave it another year, she'll be 5 1/2. In some ways I think this would be no bad thing, but I can't imagine her being happy at nursery for another year and a bit. I take the point about other countries sending their children to school later, but presumably their pre school care is geared up for older children. We have an induction morning next week and then a parents thing in the evening, so I am going to speak to the head of primary. She's been so clingy, yet today we went to elder sister's sports day (no half term here!)and she couldn't wait to run off. Contrary Mary indeed! I'm not deciding till we've been to the parents thing next week - it has just occured to me (doh!) that I was the youngest in my year and I got on OK so perhaps it'll be OK. If I leave it, it might be another year of anticipation and worry. I ignored the puking WWW - if only the smell from the hall carpet didn't keep reminding me!

I think you're right to take your time over this. For some children 4 is Ok, for others it isn't. Funnily enough, a friend's daughter (aged 10) has struggled academically through being the very youngest in the class, and is now delaying going to secondary school. The private school she's in goes up to 18 so she will move up a year there, and in a year's time, she will transfer to another to school to 'repeat' a year, but nobody will know so she won't get teased. I think it's a really good idea but she would probably have benefited from going to school a year later. I'm a summer baby and know I didn't learn anything in the first few years of school that I couldn't have learned at home (my mum taught me to read etc).

I'm sure the anticipation of 'school' is a lot worse than the actual event. Does the school have a day or two when you can visit with your dd prior to starting so she can meet the teacher, see her classroom etc.? If not, maybe you could ask to pop in one day when you are taking your elder daughter in.
Maybe dd1 could spend some time with dd2 on the first day to help her settle.
Try pointing out that there will be lots of new toys in the new class, sand, water, lego etc. and explain that all the things she loves about her nursery - painting, stories, singing, lovely teacher etc. will be going on at school too.
What about inviting those children from nursery who will going too, round to play in the holiday.
If she's not a good eater, maybe she could take a packed lunch, if thats possible. Then she will be able to eat her favourite foods in small amounts, without being too overwhelmed.
Have you tried preparing together what she will need. A new bag, gym shoes, crayons, maybe some new hair bands or something.
Would it be possible for her to start just mornings?

I'm not sure about in Scotland - but in England the reception class follows the same curriculum as nursery children, so all the activities will be geared up to 4 yos, with lots of play opportunities.

You've probably thought of all these things already, but hope it might have been of some help.