Toddler lashing out at the dog - what sort of discipline?

[CountessDracula]

My dd 21 months has fairly recently started lashing out at people when she is in a total strop. The last couple of days the dog has happened to be within lashing range a two or three times - last night she had her nose pulled and pinched so hard that she squealed and ran away, the day before she had some of her fur pulled out and this morning an ear pulled

Each time I have chastised dd strongly, I shouted at her to make her stop which worked, then spoke very loudly while frowning at her, saying "NO that's not right, you must be gentle with Ruby (a concept she fully understands as when she goes up to her to cuddle her/stroke her, she says "look, gently mummy", say sorry to Ruby" which she duly did. Then I said good girl and lectured her a bit more about being gentle.

The dog to her credit has been very patient, she is a gentle creature who has never lashed out at anyone. I am of course worried that she will eventually get fed up and bite dd (though I can't see it happening of course everyone has their own breaking point including dogs I presume).

What can I do to try and get dd to understand that this is wrong and that it may end in disaster? Dh and I were discussing this last night and wondered if this may be the sort of danger situation in which a gentle smack on the hand would reinforce the message, neither of us are in favour of smacking in anger - at this point we decided to consult the experts....

that winky should have been a closed bracket btw

I think you will have to be very careful with them both, although the dog has been patient up until now she might not be next time, I would not let them be together on their own, keep them seperate until she your dd has got out of this habit, best for the dog in my opinion. No smacking required, just time for her to mature and understand that she can not continue to do things like lashing out be it the dog or other people. xx

I'd go for the zero attention route - she gets carted out of the room and dumped somewhere else with a stern 'stay there until I'm ready to talk to you', no eye contact etc. Then march quickly into room with the dog and make a lot of fuss of the dog - loudly enough so DD can hear.

TBH it may well be worth doing this as soon as the strop starts so that its the strop thats seen as not getting attention rather than whacking the dog IFSWIM!

Good luck whatever measures you decide upon.

Thanks mothernature, I don't let them stay on their own together unless the dog is asleep in her bed as dd really does understand that when the dog is asleep she mustn't go near her.

It was just unfortunate that the dog happened to be passing a couple of times lately. Also dog is v big and her head is at the same height as dd's so she is an obvious target.

So what can I say to her to stop this lashing out in general. Is she too young for a time out?

Ah soapbox that is what you are saying I guess! Will def. try it, thanks

CD I am interested in the outcome of this, as DD is 2 and up to now has been an angel with our big, old (and very tolerant) dog.

Just recently she has started pulling his tail and generally annoying him. the other day it was hot, he had just been for a long walk and had collapsed for a nap. DD rushed in, jumped on him and he growled at her, something he has never done before. I picked up DD and shouted NO at both of them, DD sobbed inconsolably and the dog slunk off in a huff. I then told DD not to do this anymore and made a fuss of the dog.

I will have to watch both of them closely from now on.

have just come back to typing this after stopping DD pulling his tail AGAIN !! I have used the 'time out' tactic with her and told her that she must not do this because the dog will bite her and won't be her friend anymore.

God this is stressful!!

Cd, if you haven't been a smacker before and you're instinctively against it I wouldn't start now tbh. When I read the thread title my immediate reaction was 'get rid of the dog' but I do realise that I'm alone in my dislike of animals and you probably don't want to! Soapbox's advice sounds good though. I'd keep telling her 'NO' and be firm and clear and consistent about it. I think you're doing the right thing not leaving them alone too, until your dd is older and understands about dogs and breaking points anyway.

what a lot of useful advice here! i don't know if this helps at all but dd sometimes starts pulling at our dog's tail etc and i always tell her not to do it because it will make the dog cry. it helps because dd gets v concerned when anyone is crying (i.e. a baby in the street )apart from her own crying of course so she seemed to have got the message, but there is no substitute for constant supervision when the dog is around. poor dog! i'm sure he'd growl at me if i was to pull his tail.

I'm probably in the minority here but when my ds1 has hurt people deliberatley then that person has returned what was done to them to show it's not nice. Our dog was patient but ds1 is very aggressive and she's bit him twice. Not badly but enough to bruise him, frighten him and make him cry. Ds1 is five now and he knows better. The dog also spends time at the in-laws away from the kids so everyone's happy.

When ds1 would nip, I'd nip him back. If he bit me, then I'd bite him to show it hurt and it wasn't nice. Same with pulling hair and all those things. By the time he went to pre-school he didn't do it anymore unlike a lot of the children he went with.

But that's my way of dealing with things. If your dog bites your dd it won't be to hurt it, probably just a warning. Maybe that's what it will take unless you act for Ruby pulling your dd's ears and nose and showing her it's not nice.

www you must remember that the poor dog is totally blameless in this and has not retalitated in the slightest! (yet )

We have decided to try the time out method, beety cot is very good idea.

Thanks everyone

How are things working with the time out CD?

Ah gingerbear, see this thread ! First go today