Discontented 15 month old

[Lola2015]

Dear all, has anybody got any advice or found themselves in this situation?
I knew being a parent was going to be hard. But nothing has prepared me for just how hard it was going to be.
I love my little boy to pieces but I am exhausted by his crying. He has always been a crier but I taught as he got older it might get better. We seem to be going through a bit of a bad phase which I blame teeth for but that can't be the whole reason for how unhappy he is.
He cries when he wakes up, he cries when we put him in the high chair, he cries when we put his coat on,change his nappy, walk out the room, stop carrying him, put him in the car seat....you get the picture. I invited my friend round yesterday with her little boy who is older, my lo cried on and the off most of the time they were here. He cried hysterically when the other lo ate some of the raisins i brought in for them to share, when the other child used his toys, but the icing on the cake was when the other boy took a toy from my lo and in sheer anger he bit down on the other child's arm, thankfully he only caught his jumper. I've never seen such anger and frustration in a one year old. I was mortified and upset.
My husband and I aren't dealing with his unhapinsss very well, we are miserable, stressed and confused. It is causing problems between us. Our lo's cries are shrill and intermittent throughout the day.
He is often inconsolable. We try cal poly, teething toys, food...nothing has much effect.
One tired and confused mum :( x

It sounds as though he's frustrated...have you had his hearing checked? Is he doing everything he's "meant to" at this age such as saying a few words? How is his understanding...can he follow a simple instruction?

He doesn't say much and that has been worrying me a bit, hiya and yeh but that's it. Not said mamma or dadda once yet. I really don't feel like he understands us much but if we say point to your eyes etc he will do it. They get a hearing check in hospital after they are born and they said it was fine? X

Lola - if he hasn't got any speech at the moment that could really be a strong reason for his frustration and misery. He's getting old enough to have real dislikes, likes, wants, needs but can't express these verbally yet. The only thing he can do to let you know he might not want to be in his highchair or his nappy changed is to howl about it.

When they do acquire some speech, often the thing you hear the most is 'NO.' which is the next step on to shrieking about the things they don't want to do.

It's a really frustrating and difficult age for a lot of toddlers. If DS has always had a tendency to cry a lot, then I think this age will also be a time where there are lots of tears.

It sounds like he understands a fair bit - ie can point to body parts, but his ability to express himself doesn't allow him to tell you how he feels or what he wants.

It's so hard for you though and it's understandable that it's causing friction between you and DH.

Have you spoken to anyone about it? HV, GP? If not, they may be strategies that are helpful for both you and DS? And it sounds like you need to know you aren't alone. I know that DD has a friend whose little one sounds very similar and how bloody hard she and her partner find it. She also feels it even more when she is around children who seem more content then her child and feels it's her fault (which it clearly isn't because she is a lovely mum). Do you have supportive family who will look after DS for a bit while you and DH get a bit of time to yourselves.

Just wanted to extend sympathy and support, am a fellow mum of a crier I have a very 'intense' 19mo. I find it very hard to be around placid babies, I think it makes me anxious as it makes me think something might be wrong and it feels unfair too! Just wanted to say as well, it's incredibly draining and can place huge strain on your relationship. We're constantly 'Fire fighting' an emergency crying episode, but 19mo down the line we are exhausted and take it out on each other. We feel like we're doing a terrible job. Sorry that's not very helpful but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. My DS gets very frustrated and furious, he tried to kick my friends DD in the face too and was horrified

Thanks so much for your replies. It really means a lot to know that im not the only one out there struggling as your friends sound like they are in a similar situation. Perhaps I am also more sensitive than most and DS crying affects me and my husband more than it would others. I take it so personally when he's not happy, I feel I am failing as a mum. It doesn't help as well that some of my close friends children are as content as you like, barely ever heard one of them cry!! And it makes me feel envious I am ashamed to say.
Just felt alone with this as everybody else seems to be coping and although it's hard most ppl seem to be managing fine on a day to day basis. I just felt like I was getting to a point where I felt I wasn't coping.
Thanks all for your responses. I hope DS starts talking a bit more soon so I know how he is feeling! X

Activities that help him develop his understanding may help, even if his speech isn't there yet.

He should be able to take and bring at 18 months. For example:

Put this in the bin
Where is your teddy?
Bring me your shoes
Put your spoon on the table
Take this into the kitchen

There could be other simple instruction physical activities that will develop his understanding of language.

• Help me pull these closes from the washing machine
• put these wet clothes in here (our washing machine is next to tumble dryer and toddler could transfer a load)
• put handfuls of biscuits into the dogs food bowl
• tidy your toys into the toy box
• choose a book to read

Language development is more than just spoken works. Helping him to understand more will help.

You say you're sensitive but again, don't be hard on yourself, it is incredibly hard when your first/only is a crier and very difficult not to take it personally. I used to die inside a bit when people told me their baby was really happy or "no bother", it's human nature! X

I think it's hard not to.be sensitive and to.not take it personally, even though it isn't personal. There's such pressure to have a happy contented child and some children just aren't at certain times. And you are bound to be affected by your own child crying or being upset. We are programmed to want to put whatever is bothering them right. When ww just can't do that no matter how we try, it's incredibly upsetting. DDs friend says she feels embarrassed when they're out but DD tells her to try not to because she's a great mum and isn't doing anything wrong. It's just how things are right now but it won't always be this way.

Agree with dailymail. It's the helplessness to soothe your child that's incredibly hard and can affect your self esteem. Also it's because you are well attached that it hurts so much because it's unbearable to have your baby unhappy. I'm keeping fingers crossed for us that this 'phase' passes quickly! X

You can still have another ear check OP....in fact it's often best to do another around the age a child begins to speak. Just to rule out any issues which haven't been detected at birth.