Looking for suggestions to help with car seat wrestles

[Bubspub]

Hello everyone,

I'd really welcome any suggestions with this. I'd say I'm at my wits end but I've been there since my 18mo was born really (colic, relux, high emotions/anger/frustration/whinging/fussy eating/general high needs really). Currently he is throwing huge tantrums, stiffening, back arching and wrestling to avoid getting into the car seat. He's incredibly strong for one so young and I'm worried that I'm having to exert force to try to get him in which I obviously don't want to do, but i need him to get in. It's very embarrassing if we're in a car park as it looks as though I'm assaulting him and also have no control over him. This morning he flung himself forward, screeching like a maniac, so he was half way into the footwell, totally stiffened, and I felt I had to close the car door and leave him like that for a moment while I took some deep breaths as I find it incredibly stressful.

I feel he has a very strong will and quite a defiant streak. But I love him very much and I want us to have positive interactions. But at the moment I dread leaving the house with him. If anyone has any practical advice I'd be grateful. I've tried a million distractions, toys/food, but nothing seems to work and I feel like by giving him snacks I'm maybe rewarding the negative behaviours.

How much warning are you giving him before a trip in the car? Toddlers struggle transitioning from one thing to another so if you give him plenty of warning it might help.

So I'd start by telling him first thing in the morning 'today were going shopping (or whatever) and you will go in the car' then as it's gets nearer to leaving give him something he can understand as a marker. So rather than saying in five minutes, say 'when I've put my coat and shoes on we're going to get you ready and then get in the car'. Keep reminding him what's coming as you get his shoes on etc to help him adjust to the transistion a bit more gracefully.

If he still resists acknowledge that you know he doesn't want to go in his seat but explain calmly that it's your job to keep him safe so he needs to be strapped in. It's horrible feeling like you're forcing them but his safety isn't negotiable. If you have enough time you could repeat the acknowledge/explain and say you will wait until he's ready to go in. Be as calm/nonchalant as possible so he thinks it's bloody big deal. Don't put him down or go back inside, just wait at the car until he indicates he's ready, which might take a while to start with but he will get used to it. Once he knows you won't allow it it to become a power struggle he should find it easier to accept the car seat rule.

*No big deal. Not bloody!

Thank you. I've been telling him probably 5-10 minutes beforehand but I think it sounds like I need to do it more in advance than that and keep reiterating it. I've tried acknowledging his feeling of how he doesn't want to do it but at that point he's in a white hot rage and I don't think he's hearing anything at all. And obviously communication is rather limited with him being so young. X

Your little boy sounds similar to mine!! What I tend to do is give a snack that I know he likes and then a minute later (while he's still eating the snack) put him in and that works for us. I hear you on not wanting to reward but to be honest at this age sometimes you just have to do what will make life easier as it's hard for them to understand that if they want to go somewhere fun they have to go in the car seat!! I often have to do a similar technique when going in the buggy.

Cool thank you. It's terrible, he absolutely loves Milky Way magic stars. I might just give him some of those. Never on this earth thought I'd be doing that but as you say you just do what you have to!!! This has been a shock to me, totally thought I'd be giving my son breast milk ice lollies and organic pear, here I am bribing him with Magic Stars, oh dear! X

Bubspub I have absolutely no input for you and for that I'm very sorry but the breastmilk ice lollies and organic pear comment completely cracked me up. How different the reality is

I'm glad it tickled you honestly that was how I thought it would be. I think I must have been on smack ha! Maybe if you have a placid child who sits nicely in the car seat you can avoid the Magic Stars and give breast milk ice lollies I don't know! X

DD went through a phase like this.

I was resolute mummy and just wrestled her in keeping it emotionless and trying not to get cross or flustered, but at the same time I'm not afraid to use my brute strength while I have it!

Now she gets horribly carsick. Don't know if that's karma or not