2.4 year old spiteful to her 5 year old sister

[tushywush]

DD2 is, shall we say, fiery. Always has been since day 1. She has started to scratch or smack it generally lash out at DD1 who's just 5. A lot of the time it's pretty unprovoked.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to handle it. I've tried ignoring DD2 when she does it and giving the attention to DD1, I've tried talking to her nicely and also using my firm/cross voice, and I've removed her from the room or told her to go away. She still does it. She's hit and miss with apologising.

Her talking is coming along but I do think she gets frustrated when trying to communicate which I guess doesn't help. But her spitefulness is just not on. Tonight she slapped/scratched DD2s arm and made it bleed.....

Any tips for handling this please? DD1 was never spiteful so I've not had to deal with this before!!

We've been there. You need to be really consistent with DC2. Also, don't take advantage of DC1's good nature & let DC2 get away with it...something I've been guilty of when DC2 had been vile all day and I just couldn't be bothered or was too busy making tea or something to be able to deal with DC2 properly.

So what approach did you take? I'd say she lashes out 2-3 times a day at the mo. I don't think sending her out of the room / excluding her is great, shouting or telling her off doesn't work, and neither does talking, or ignoring it. Argh!

Bump

What about having a sit down with them and first explaining that you have noticed some unkind behaviour happening that is making people unhappy, including you.

Don't mention any names, so no one gets defensive or angry. Explain how you WANT things to be (a family who looks after one another, loves one another and sisters who are friends with one another). Then finally make it very clear that if you see any behaviour that does not fit this picture from now on, you will respond by...(you need to think of something your youngest will hate to happen - no time with her favourite toy/programme that day? Or a strike on a strike chart that means something tangible, like no pudding that day). And most importantly of all (more importantly than I can emphasise) you MUST follow through. The second she hurts her sister, firm voice "that is a strike - which means no pudding today", add strike to the chart. When she cries later point to the chart as if the chart is telling you you have to give her no pudding (try to build that association of no pudding with HER behaviour earlier - the strike on the chart will be a visual reminder of it). She will quickly realise that a strike on the chart is NOT GOOD and will try to avoid getting any.

I think that it would also be massively beneficial (and also very healthy and positive for your family) to have a rewards chart running alongside the strike chart. Whenever you see behavior that fits the vision you have of how you want your family to be, add a reward sticker next to the child's name. If the youngest sees the eldest being rewarded for being kind or nice towards her, she will quickly try to emulate this behaviour. After 5 or 10 stickers they could be given something they like as a reward, like a pack of sweets or first choice of TV programme or a second story read that night.