What is this?

[CharliePurple]

My pre-teen Dd is very reluctant to get rid of some possessions, not special books or toys but seemingly random things. For example, she had a wrist splint from when she broke her wrist and was in tears when I suggested throwing it away and was trying to hit me to get it back. Last week she had new school shoes and ran off with them in town to put them in the bin because she wanted to keep her old ones and was screaming at me when we got home and I wouldn't let her wear the old ones for another day because I knew that it would become two days, three days and so on. She can't cope with exceptions. She's a very black and white person, there are no grey areas and everything is taken literally, like when she was learning about the North Pole and her teacher had said that they were going to the North Pole the next day; Dd was adamant that they were going there for the day and I had to explain that they weren't and the teacher meant that she was transforming the classroom into the NP for the day and that no primary school would do a residential to the NP as the risk assessment alone would rival war and peace for length but she was adamant that I was lying. She's a bright, intelligent child and is very curious about the world and has an amazing memory - she can tell me the capital of any country in the world as she's taught them herself not that I'd know if she was making it up because she wanted to, I've not made her learn them.
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Her reactions seem to be obsessive and obviously I can't have her throwing away brand new shoes or running off in town etc. She's coming up for 13.

Anybody?

There could me any number of things going on, impossible to try and guess. Has this behaviour started or increased recently? If so, what sort of things are going on in other areas of her life? Children can be predisposed to all kinds of slightly unusual behaviours and then something can cause stress - mental, physical, emotional - that just pushes them further along if you see what I mean.

She's always been this way but it's worse now she's older.

Have you done any reading around her behaviours? Does anything ring true with you? Have you seen GP or asked for a CAMHS referral?

It can sometimes help to keep a diary and to choose how you are going measure behaviour. So say choose one behaviour that is regular and difficult and keep a record of what happens before that, use it a measure of improvement.

I might be barking up the wrong tree, but could it be that as she's getting older she needs to be given a bit more control over her life and the things that affect her?

It jumps out at me that although you say you 'suggested' throwing away her wrist splint, she was trying to hit you to get it back. If it was truly a suggestion, then a simple 'no' from her would just result in a shrug 'ok' from you, and no attempt to keep it from her. Is there really any reason why she can't keep it?

Likewise running away from you to bin her shoes, whilst of course unacceptable, suggests that she doesn't trust that you'll respect her viewpoint. Could you have reached some kind of compromise where she gets to keep her old shoes and wear them in the garden, but she has to wear the new ones for school and any outings?

Not realising that she wasn't really going to the north pole is a bit more unusual at 12. I'd expect my 4yo to think that, but would expect a 12yo to have experienced enough school things to know what was likely or not. Rather than going head to head about it though, could you have walked her through to reaching the right conclusion, eg asking her about what clothes she needed, how they would get there etc. And if she's adamant, then still don't fight it but let her discover it for herself the next day (but telling her you didn't think it was a trip, so she knows she can trust you). I've certainly had to respectfully 'agree to disagree with DD' over things which seem a bit ridiculous to an adult

I'd go to the GP for advice and ask for a referral to a paediatrician. It sounds like she's experiencing some anxiety and with such a small snapshot of info it's hard to give advice. I think you should keep a diary as mentioned above and write down incidents that you can remember where she's reacted in such an over the top way so it's all to hand and they get a bigger picture in the first instance. Girls with social communication issues are often diagnosed later as they 'hide' it well, so whilst that's not necessarily the cause it's worth bearing in mind and perhaps having a google to see if you think anything fits. But I definitely think seeing your GP is the first step.