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Original poster

Why does it take 5 attemps of asking and then having to shout before they listen or do something?!

49 replies

Carneddai · 03/12/2016 14:00

Do kids just have this built in inability to do as they're asked if you ask nicely?

Fucking does my head in!

I am totall fed up of having children. They're 7 & 3. The 7 year old takes an absolute age to do anything, getting dressed, tidying room, getting in to the car.

I ask and ask, then I lose my patience and I shout.

I hate that I shout, my kids hate that I shout, but I wouldn't have to if they just did as they were fucking told!

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Purplehonesty · 04/12/2016 03:08

Mine are just the same.
7&4
The 4yo has always been really good, but now she has started to copy her older brother, dammit!

I've started asking once, then physically taking them to do the task i.e. Brush teeth

Pain in the backside but it seems to be getting through to them

uhoh2016 · 04/12/2016 20:46

Yep 9 and 6 here and I need to go to total crank stage to get them to do the simplest of requests.

Little sods

nurseinwonderland · 04/12/2016 20:48

11 and 7. Think they know it all. Constantly bickering with each other. Answering back.
There's a reason I work 12 hour shifts 🙊

prettywhiteguitar · 05/12/2016 08:04

This is my life at the moment it's driving me mad, before I had children I never ever shouted! Now it's every day at the moment, seems to be particularly bad as 8yr old cannot think for himself at all !

I try being nice and they just ignore me it's not until they are getting shouted at that they actually do anything 😭

ageingrunner · 05/12/2016 09:47

I don't know but it's annoying isn't it?!!

Mitfordhons · 05/12/2016 09:49

Don't ask, tell them.

minipie · 05/12/2016 18:07

Thank you for posting this, I thought it was just me. DD is 4 and has to be told multiple times and for me to get to the point of threatening to take a toy away or make her do it physically before she does what I'm asking. It is so wearing. Can't bear that it might continue through to age 7 or 8!

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 20:51

I don't want to tell them, I want to ask them nicely and then they do it. I want mutual respect, but I don't seem to be getting it!

How can I teach them this? Shouting certainly isn't the way, but I get so irritated with repeating myself!

Yes, I too wasn't a shouty person before dc, even withh just one dc I wasn't shouty. It's mainly in the last 2 years. I'm hoping it's just a stage for all of us!

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capercaillie · 05/12/2016 20:54

Just here waiting for someone to tell me how to sort this...

Oblomov16 · 05/12/2016 20:54

Doesn't matter if you tell them. You still need to say it 5 times. I just can't work out where we've all gone so wrong?

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 20:55

Haha, if only there was a simple solution!

I'm might do a reverse on ds and wait until he's asked me 5 times before I do something for him

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Wigeon · 05/12/2016 20:59

How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk is a good book - quite down to earth, some useful techniques...

...all of which I think I have forgotten since I read it since I am having the same thing with mine (8 and 5) who just won't flipping do the simplest things until you yell at them!

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 21:00

I've read that book, cover to cover. There are some good tips in there, and I know them now. But not in the moment!

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Wigeon · 05/12/2016 21:01

Also, am so so so bored of my own voice reinforcing the same house rules, which is much the same thing as your OP, e.g.

Eat with cutlery not your fingers

Stop waving that piece of toast / biscuit /crummy food around as it's making crumbs everywhere

Say please when you ask for something

Don't walk around still eating

Gah!

megletthesecond · 05/12/2016 21:02

No idea. Mine (10 & 8) don't even acknowledge me half the time. They talk over me, and look round me at each other, when I'm speaking to them Angry.

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 21:05

Oh no meg is that a preview of what to expect?!

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FuckingHellz · 05/12/2016 21:10

Reverse psychology sometimes works for my toddler dd! 'Don't get in your sleeping bag for bed as mummy's going to get in it'. I can see the cogs whirring then she does it! I don't do it too much as it seems a bit cruel.

They're little sods but I think that's just what they're like. It takes an age to do anything or go anywhere. I lowered my expectations. A lot. If we're all alive at the end of the day then that's ok.

BertieBotts · 05/12/2016 21:14

Yes! Absolutely this.

I do remember sharing an article about this a few years ago. But I also must have forgotten everything in it because I still have to ask DS 5 times Blush

www.ahaparenting.com/blog/Obedience_Why_Do_You_Have_To_Tell_Them_Five_Times

Actually, now I've re-read it most of it is nonsense which only works with toddlers and the rest of it is just depressing. "They have given up on you" Right, okay then

Why do we read this waffle?

BertieBotts · 05/12/2016 21:17

That said, I think point 2 is probably spot on. They know nothing bad will happen until you get really cross. I read something else once which said to make a point of never asking twice. You can ask once and then remind but you need to get some kind of reaction.

Thing is I just can't be arsed with unleashing actual WW3 every time I want DS to go to bed or leave for school in the morning!

AprilLudgateDwyer · 05/12/2016 21:17

Sorry OP but I'm so glad to read this, you just described every day in my house. My nearly 5 year old get asked 500 times, then told 500 times Then yelled out before anything goes in. I thought I was just a terrible shouty parent but looks like it's the ruddy kids

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 21:22

Yes fuck that works on my dd too. But sadly not on ds, he's wise to it!

bertie I used to really like aha website bit now as kids are getting older it's not so good.
Also why would dc want us to get cross?! That's the whole thing I don't understand! They don't like it when I get cross, yet they don't do when asked nicely! Ffs!!!

It is the kidsapril I'm not shouty with anyone else! The dog gets better treatment off me than the kids, but then I think thw dog has more respect for me!

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Namechangenurseryconcerns · 05/12/2016 21:23

Yes same here and I've read all the books.
One tip that I do try to remember is to give them a bit of processing time once you've asked the first time-e.g ask, then count to 5 slowly in your head before asking again.
Occasionally this is slightly effective.
Also then physically guiding them to do it once you've asked a specific number of times. Tricker as they get bigger.

SummerSazz · 05/12/2016 21:29

My dc don't like shouting so now i ask once, then twice, then at three times say:
3 times !!!! that's 3 times now. I WILL start shouting in a minute...
And then in quieter, resigned tones
'i don't want to shout. I don't like shouting Sad
You don't like me shouting
So shall we get on with it or we'll all be upset? Grin

They are 8 and 10 and usually works

Trooperslane · 05/12/2016 21:31

DD has been telling people for Christmas she is getting

  1. Bat Girl costume
  2. Bat Girl mask
  3. Christmas Listening Ears, because hers are bwwoooken

She's 3+4.

Between her and her Da 46+0 I'm doing my fucking NUT!

Original poster
Carneddai · 05/12/2016 21:39

summer that might work with my ds!

trooper that's cute! I'm going to tell dc to them on their list

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