Bedsharing sibs - should I worry?

[Pandaponda]

Bit anxious about posting this but just want some advice. DD (nearly 12) and DS (10) just 18 mths apart and get on v well. We also have another DS (6). Basically bed times are a mare because the two DSs share and despite getting on ok normally they won't settle down without fighting. So DS 2 nearly always has to be put sleep in our bed and then gets transferred back when we come to bed. However DS1 then creeps into bed with DD1 there is lots of giggling and they take ages to settle - we split them up if it's school night. I'm wondering though how appropriate it is for this to carry on or if it should be happening at all? DD1 is not going through puberty yet but its imminent - they all 3 sometimes have baths together but less and less. I have asked DD1 - carefully and not at all in a shaming way- if anything inappropriate goes on when DS1 comes in. And I've told her she can talk to me if she's worried. I haven't raised it with DS1 as he's less mature emotionally. Nothing specific to raise suspicions just checking that it's all normal really. I had a DB two years younger and we never shared a bed at this age!

I should add that DD1 always assures me that nothing inappropriate happens when DS1 comes in, she's not upset by the question and I trust her.

I don't see a problem with it other than them keeping each other awake.

As a society we always put emphasis on 2 people in bed = sex or sexual based stuff - but really that's often not the case.

I had a few male friends at 16/17 I'd watch to in the bed with (with clothes on) it was just cosy.

With siblings I'd say it's sweet and soon they'll be too embarrassed to do it. Unless there was specific concerns I'd be worried your sexualising your children too much.

Thanks Sarcasm - you articulated what I was trying to say, is it just in my head. There is a bit if a back story that's maybe influencing me - that I won't go into here - nothing to do with my direct experience or my own kids behaviour though.

Very similar ages, genders and bedroom set up to me.

DD12 in her room then DS11 (14 month age gap) and DS7 share a room. DD12 and DS11 used to fight like cats and dogs but the sibling rivalry has since moved to DS11 and DS7 and the eldest two are now really close.

A bit of practical advice - why bedtime all at the same time? My DS7 goes to bed at 7.30pm and then DS11 (hes in year 6) and DD12 (year 7) go to bed at 9pm. Your sons a year younger, so mine were going to bed 8.30pm last year. Splitting bedtime up might help with the boys arguing.

Then on to your problem - I think it's dead sweet. Like really, really lovely. I'd melt if my two did this, it wouldn't occur to me to be worried or think anything untoward.

I occasionally find my eldest two cozying up, chatting or watching something together on DDs bed. Sometimes they'll both snuggle under the duvet. They wouldn't sleep together, mainly because they both like their own space in bed. But I find it lovely that they take 'grown up' solace together, away from younger siblings (I also have a 2 year old).

OP,
A 12 year old girl should not be sharing a bed with her 10 year old brother under any circumstances.

Watching with interest. Mine are the same age gap but 2 years younger and often both end up in DDs double bed. I've been wondering if there's an age where it should be stopped or if they'd just naturally stop doing it at some point.

IHeartKT,
8 years.
As a girl can start her periods from 8 years .

All 3 share baths?? Really??

You DD will probably come to her own decision about when she needs more privacy. But do, gently, let her know that it is fine not to share if she doesn't want to.

There's nothing wrong with this at all my DD is 10 and Ds is 9. They are the best of friends and like to carry on chatting when they go to bed.

Nothing untoward about it at all!
My Dd hasn't started her periods yet and I'm sure that will be the natural end.

My friends DC do this, they're (g) 12 & (b) 9. They share a bath sometimes too. It's quite sweet really, they fight all day then want to sleep together, they're like kittens!

I'm a big wimp when it comes to nightmares and used to drag my quilt into my older brothers room at all hours until I was bout 15 and he moved out
Be open and talk to them, but they're happy and sharing out of choice, nothing to worry about x

Thanks all for your reassurance! I will just enjoy it for what it is. DD1 will definitely decide when she no longer wants to share. Staggered bedtimes - we do try but house quite small so it's hard for DS2 to settle while other 2 are still up. I also like to oversee teeth brushing all in one go. But need to focus on this more.

I'm shocked some see this as wrong.

When they no longer feel comfortable doing it is when it should stop.

I'm also shocked some see this as wrong. What has the world come to.

Seriously OP, you asked your dd if anything inappropriate happens, ie. does her 10 yr old brother try to sexually abuse her???

Your DD will clearly let you know when she's feeling awkward. But hopefully you haven't inadvertently made her feel that she should (ever!!!) be uncomfortable with sharing a bed with her little brother if they are hanging out. And hopefully she won't feel she needs to not sit, snooze beside her sibling when she gets her period. Why should she feel embarrassed or dirty at all??

Sounds normal to me, I'm a bit shocked that people are so adamant they shouldn't, surely they will stop naturally at some point when they want privacy....

I think they'll naturally want their own space within the next year or so anyway and I really wouldn't worry. So long as she feels she can kick him out if she wants.

My 2 are younger (elsdest is 7) and snuggle up like puppies when they're asleep. As long as they are both getting into our bed I can't see that stopping!

Just to be clear, do they each have their own bed they can go to, are they choosing to share?

Also they big children in a bath? All at the same time?

I don't think that there is anything wrong with sharing a bed but I wouldn't put putting them in the bath together now.

Thanks all! No I don't put them in a bath - they occasionally all choose to get in together. Which is fine. Yes DS1 and DD1 of course have their own beds and separate bedrooms, they choose to sleep together. As I said in my OP I have been very careful how I've discussed this with DD1, no shaming just checking it's all cool. There is a back story to do with my extended family which meant I just wanted to be sure she was aware what the boundaries are now they are a bit bigger. She does, they still share a bed at weekends and I now feel better for having asked about it on this post.

My sister and I often bed-shared. While we are same-sex, we're also both bisexual, but there was no abuse going on. Siblings have shared beds for a lot more of human history than they've had separate ones.

I see nothing wrong with this but out of curiosity have you ever asked your son if his sister has been inappropriate with him? Surely if you're worried it should go both ways.