School mornings - constantly losing my temper

[Hermagsjesty]

I'm finding myself increasingly short tempered and shouty on school mornings - I think I need some better coping techniques!

DD is 5 and generally very good at getting her uniform on etc. She then gets quite easily distracted- not being terrible, just wanting to draw/ read/ play. Everything is always, 'just one more minute'. DS is 2.5yo and spends a lot of time in the morning running around refusing to get dressed. No one is allowed downstairs for breakfast until they're dressed. His behaviour is much more challenging but because she's older she usually ends up being the one who I snap at - which I then end up feeling guilty about.

We need to leave at 8.25ish and by 8.30 we are usually rushing out the door with me shouting and DS wailing.

Any tips for taking the heat out of the morning and keeping my temper? I feel like I had much more patience as a parent of pre schoolers - there's something about the time pressure that gets me really tightly wound.

I made a rough timetable of the morning, and shared it with the children. For the one your age I more told him the routine, after x you will do y.

I have run through the routine with them before, but I have realized with th timetable the one I mainly sorted was me.

So I get up 15 minutes earlier, and rather than running around trying to do three things at once, read the news and occasionally clean the bathrooms (why?!) I go from x to y to Z doing various things with or to the children and directing them likewise.

I also aim to be getting ready to go out the door at least give minutes before I want to leave. Winter hats etc add a few minutes onto your routine. And with a toddler I would make that ten minutes. The phrase " like trying to stuff an octopus into a string vest" comes to mind.

I sound smug.
I came up with the current plan after getting sick of leaving the house ranting at the children. After stomping to school and back muttering "something has to change" I was prepared to try anything.

Why dont you give breakfast first? I'd be pretty non compliant and pissed off if I hadn't eaten.

We get up quite early. All have breakfast together then get dressed straight away. Any delay then I know I will end up getting stressed.

With a toddler, I would have just got them dressed and let them choose clothes which I put on.

Then we have a small snack which is the cue to get to the door (helps distract slightly) and get out!

We used to have hell with our then 3 year old DD. First thing we did was get a reward chart and she earned stars for certain things in the morning, which she could cash in at the end of the week. We don't have a timetable per se but I know when certain things need to happen and I jolly her along to keep in time. We get up earlier than needed, she's up at 7 so we have just over an hour. If she has eaten breakfast, been to the loo and got dressed then she can watch TV with however many minutes are left. So we have a game about how many minutes does she want to earn, and then I'm like a bloomin cheerleader 'helping' her to achieve it, lots of positivity 'oh look how fast you got dressed, that must be the fastest EVER!'. It works for her and I am not stressed anymore. Mornings are honestly ok. I do think it's all about mindset, if it stays positive and they feel like you're 'on their side' then things just go better. Every now and then things go haywire when she's faffing around, but for the most part it's all good, and I used to be a proper shouty school run Mum.

Am I the only one who doesn't wake their kids up? I don't have the 'luxury' of choosing to wake up earlier because my 'alarm' is my early riser children who wake up between 5.30 and 6.30, and that still sometimes is stressful to get out of the door at 8.30. Not because it's a rush just because of their young ages they are always making a mess/causing chaos so I am often extremely stressed in a morning

I'm only half a term in but I have deffo found thr main difference is my attitude. They are generally complaint if I am generally civilised. It makes a big difference - although I never quite manage getting up before them

Queen of Humboldt - mine are early risers too! DD is up by 6.30am (but stays in her room until 7am) The idea of getting up earlier than them is probably a good one because at least I could have a cuppa but not sure I can face a 6am alarm call (plus she's also a v light sleeper so I think my getting up might wake her...)

I think she'd really take to a list with tasks to tick off - am definitely going to try that... to be honest, it's the toddler who's more of a problem, he's too young to dress himself but too big/ strong/ wilful for me to dress him against his will! We did used to have breakfast first - but that was definitely worse because it meant there was no margin of error! Thanks so much for all the support and tips. And at least now I have a weekend in between!

I have four kids, three at school and one at Nursery (with an 8:35am start). I never get them dressed before breakfast. If they get food on their uniform that just stressed me out and took even more time for them to change again. I have two choices for breakfast (do you want cereal A or B?) do you want toast? They get one slice and I butter it. I do packed lunches the night before and never, ever have the TV on. Ever! Then games like 'who can brush their teeth first? I count 100 dinosaurs (or princesses for my daughter) then shoo them in to their respective bedrooms to get dressed with 'first one back to mummy gets xyz' etc etc.

And I have alarms on my phone for everything! Leave for school, get children from school, bedtimes (takes the arguing out of it because it doesn't come from mummy. The phone said so!). Meeting friends etc etc

Sorry not read everyone's suggestions so mat repeat stuff. I struggle massively with lateness and faffing so this has been tough for me but my time keeping has massively improved over the past year as a result. I was you every morning and in truth I am still you if I deviate or allow any leeway with my children as part of getting ready.

Strategies I've adopted are as follows:

• move all clocks forward by about 7 minutes then keep telling myself they're only 5 mins fast. It's hard to explain but I try to treat it as the right time but if my brain allows myself to recognise it's fast and relax a bit then I still have 2 mins extra (hope you understand what I mean)

• get organised the day before (uniforms/clothes ready in a set place for me and children). They know they must get dressed (including teeth, hair and shoes) before doing anything else. If I let them play or faff in any way I'm guaranteed to have a battle of varying degrees. I appreciate your 2.5 yr old can't adhere to this but so long as you and your 5 yr old are on board it will reduce his chances to play up and you'll have everything organised and to hand to speed up the process.

• once dressed they go straight and way to check bag contents and freshen bottle of water for school.

• only when all above done and bag and coat by door can they then have breakfast. Once breakfast done they can play or watch TV if there's time but I get them to turn tv off or pack away what they're doing a few mins before we must leave.

• aim to be ready at least 15 mins before you must be. I work better for round figures so if I had to leave at 8.25 like you I'd be trying to be ready for 8 so that I had room for hiccups. I also have a cut off where I know if we're not downstairs eating brekkie by a certain time then we're running behind.

• if the DC are playing up then on particularly bad days I give them warnings and then inform them the next thing they pick up that's not a school getting ready item will go to a new home. I then follow through. I don't do this every morning but it's a useful one to focus them on tough days!

• we also use a reward chart that includes whether they got ready nicely and quickly

One of my DCs teachers gave a good suggestion but we didn't need it in the end. She said we could have simple pictures and words to show the different actions for getting ready then they could be on card and posted into a make shift letterbox as each item is completed. I've seen improvements on this online where you can make simple lift flap style prompts with velcro or similar and they cover over each item once it's done. I'm happy to try and Google for a link if you're interested as it's hard to explain.

I'm quite astonished at how many people allow TV / tablet / toys before school - that would have been the final nail in the coffin for us!

Sounds familiar, mine have uniforms laid out with book bags the night before, lunches made and water bottles filled, all in fridge. Great tip that I picked up on MN a while ago is to hang their uniform up on a hanger so you are only grabbing one thing out of the wardrobe !Genius suggestion .
No tech before school unless they are dressed including shoes. 2 year old often undresses so is bunged into the buggy in a blanket and his clothes and shoes are stuffed in with him. Hoping that he grows more compliant.....