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Behaviour/development

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Question for mums with only one child (school age - particularly boys)

3 replies

Nicol06 · 15/02/2007 04:36

Hi. I would really appreciate some answers at the moment, because I'm a little bit unsure about my ds' behaviour. He's in Year 2 at school and will be turning seven in July.

Do you find that as an only child, your son or daughter's behaviour tends to be more confident/outspoken/precocious, or more reserved/shy/compliant? I really feel as though I need to know if there's any kind of correlation here with being an 'only' child. I would describe my ds as being in the first category right now - even though he's got a lovely nature and is generally a pretty good kid, he somehow feels that he is older than his years and likes to push boundaries. He has a number of friends his own age, but he also has two older half-brothers and some older cousins who he loves being with, and he's obviously the only child living at home with dh and I.

He challenges us (regularly) and even though we do discipline him (regularly!), he will be good for a while but then take up the same kind of behaviour again. He has told me numerous times that he thinks he's 'grown up', and the scary thing is that he really seems to believe that he's on a par with dh and I. I spoke to his teacher yesterday afternoon and she said that while he's not 'naughty' and does do his work well, she sometimes has to pull him up for things he says (from this I think she means inappropriate things, like trying to be smart or making comments that she doesn't really approve of). She also asked me whether ds spends a lot of time around older kids, because apparently a lot of things he says go straight over his classmates' heads - in other words, she thinks he seems 'older' and a bit more ahead of many of the other children. By ahead, I mean 'mentally' ahead, not academically - just a lot more aware of things than other children his age.

I realise that a certain amount of this probably comes from being an only child, but I'm also wondering whether he just has a strong personality and is trying to assert himself a lot of the time. Lately it seems the more I try to encourage him to behave & conform, particularly in the classroom situation, the more he likes to push the boundaries. Dh was apparently a bit of a know-it-all at school who tried to organise his teacher on a regular basis, so perhaps I can just blame this on dh . Seriously though - it does concern me a bit and I'm wondering whether we need to be a bit stronger with him discipline-wise, or whether we may need to try something else. Thanks...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
slim22 · 15/02/2007 06:58

Hi
I don't think it's got anything to do with being an only child. Clearly, it's because he is used to hanging out with older siblings (teenagers I assume)and adults.
My sister is 9 years older than me and I have a brother 6 years younger than me. He is the youngest of all cousins. It all sounds very familiar.It was very much like what you describe for my brother.
Have a chat with siblings/cousins and gently ask them to provide guidance and authority rather than treating him as a peer.At this age, boys need role models, he is just aping them.
I say, try and shelter him a bit and encourage play with classmates his age group.Get him to pick an afterschool club/sport where he can mix with kids his age.
good luck.

Furball · 15/02/2007 07:27

I only have ds who is in year 1. We don't have any other family 'youngsters' for him to mix with, so all his friends are either around his age or DH and myself. Ds is confident, chatty (as in non stop!) and can be argumentative at home but with other adults is very very shy so much so he'll just walk off and ignore if spoken to by people he doesn't know that well. Which is exactly how my dh was as a child, take it all in then make judgement of the situation before acting. So maybe you ds has just inherited your dh's ways rather than it being an only child thing?

nearlyfourbob · 15/02/2007 07:33

Ds is and only child and nearly 4 Most of what he says goes straight over the head of his peers. He uses adult language because he spends a lot of time with adults. He does try to boss his kindy teachers around, but wisely they didn't let him right from the off - not in a nasty way they just let him know they were in charge.

My question to you is "do you like his personality?" If you think that he is just him then I would let his teacher work out strategies for dealing with him. He could be genuinely bewildered about why she should mind, he may realise that she can't cope and be playing on it.

Lots more only children go on to be politicians, CEOs etc. occupations were a strong (bossy?) personality is rewarded.

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