My 2.5 year old toddler is such a struggle just now!!!! Advice please!

[GlummyMummy]

At my wits end with my 2.5 year old daughter at the moment. She isn't necessarily naughty, she is just such hard work!!!

Everything is a battle, from getting her nappy changed, putting her clothes on, what she is going to eat, getting her in the car/buggy etc. I know this is probably normal behaviour but she doesnt seem to be like other toddlers her age. She is constantly tired and whining for her dummy, and all she wants to do in a day is watch TV - she will ask to watch it from when she first wakes up but I am limiting her to an hour a day (this is her favourite part of the day and just about the only thing that brings a smile to her face!!!!)

If I try to take her out in the buggy, she gurns to get out, then when I let her out she cries to be carried! She is highly sensitive so if I tell her off or do anything she doesn't like (such as try to change her clothes) she cries for her dummy. She wont walk properly holding my hand so it takes us ages to walk anywhere and then she always wants lifted up after a few minutes.

Whenever I take her anywhere such as a friends house or a toddler playgroup, she will ask to go home after a little while. Then when we get home, she just asks for the TV/DVD again.

Oh and as for her eating, she has become very fussy and wont feed herself! We have to spoon it in her mouth, even if its toast!!!

This grumpiness and tiredness started when she dropped her nap 4 months ago but it's definitely come to a head in the last couple of weeks. She does have a runny nose and a cough so perhaps is extra tired. She moved to a bed from her cot recently, so has gone from sleeping right through to being up once a night, albeit only briefly.

I'm just not sure what is causing it or how to tackle it. She has gone from being a baby who never cried to a very sensitive, grumpy toddler. She is frequently telling me she feels sad! Is this normal???

Sorry to hear your me struggling, no advice really, my 'high needs' baby is nearly 19 months and I pray everyday things will get easier. We overused the dummy because of his temperament. But recently we were told off by the health visitor who warned us it was stopping his language development. We bit the bullet and have really reduced usage, only for when very upset and sleeping. I have to say, I thought it was going to be hell but it hasn't been half as bad as I thought and his language has come along rapidly. Just be assertive and say "you don't need that now", make sure you store out of view and quickly distract with toys etc. If she's whingy anyway you might find things aren't much worse and sometimes their reliance on it can cause more problems and frustrations anyway x

Thatswot 1 hour of TV a week for a 6 yr old- really??

I would also say give the potty training a go - it would give her something else to focus on. You might find she will nap while you are going through the process as it mentally wipes them out!

With the dummy, if it's really causing problems then you need to be very strict and consistent with only giving it at bedtime - you have obviously been giving it at other times otherwise she wouldn't be asking as she would know it's not an option. You could just get rid of the dummy but you will need to replace with another comfort object - teddy or blanket.

I think with a lot of 'bad' habits you want to ditch (eg dummy, telly, etc) the only way really is to go cold turkey. I don't think toddlers really understand why it's sometimes yes and sometimes no, and so just constantly whinge for whatever it is they're after. But they also have blessedly short memories, so it's kind of short term pain for long term gain. I had to do it for my daughter with biscuits! She would ask for them constantly, it was doing my head in. So in the end the answer was no, no biscuits - never, under any circumstances. I don't know if she forgot or just gave up, but it did cure the biscuit addiction. Might be worth a shot with the dummies. I know it's tough though, good luck!

Are her two year molars through? DS1 turned into a little bar steward seemingly overnight when these started coming through. Once through, he was a little ray of sunshine again. Mostly. For a two year old.

I use a Toddler Tula sling for my 15kg DS2 (2.3yo), but if your DD hasn't been in a sling for a while, she may not take kindly to the re-introduction of one. Worth hiring one from your local sling library to try though maybe? If you can get one with a pattern on it she likes, she might be more amenable to it.

Neither of mine would ever have entertained 'quiet time' in the middle of the day either, so don't worry about that. Also, you get to see the full spectrum of her behaviour. You don't get to see the same of your friends' toddlers, so they may be just as frustrated by their DCs, and wondering why yours is so X,Y, Z compared to theirs!

Chin up. This too shall pass.

Sounds familiar! There do seem to be a lot of things that you want to stop at once, I'd say pick your battles - so maybe give up with restricting the dummy for now but be stricter on the walking, or the TV time, or the eating - or whatever you think. One or two things at a time. And don't give in on those things, a lot of the whining might be because eventually she knows you will pick her up, or hand feed her, or whatever.

I sympathise though - when DS was this age I used to get quite frustrated and angry with all the whining/crying and that's not necessarily the best option either, especially if they're tired through dropping a nap. But it's so hard when you don't get the break of their nap either!