My DS (9 years) is feeling very negative about himself and says he feels like hitting his head until he dies.

[scruffymum]

My DS (9 years) is feeling very negative about himself and says he feels like hitting his head until he dies.
He is experiencing some problems at school that I am aware of and I am in cimmunication with his teacher, he says everybody at school hates him and calls him stupid. He is now beginnign to belive he is stupid, and he is not, he is actually very intelligent. We are a loving suportive family and very close, I would consider us normal and I cannot bear to see him like this. Has any one else this kind of experiece? I really don'r know what to do, we are always very positive and have encouraged all our children to do well.

Hi, so sorry to hear this about your son, I would in turmoil as well. His getting bullied at school? I know you say he is intelligent but he may still have problems in the class with something that the teacher dosent realise!! What about lessons outside the classroom such as pe for example sometimes these lessons cause anxiety, if he is not sporty for example and another child has said something to him.

Does he do any activities out of school where something may causing him problems.

Perhaps look at everyday separately and what he does on those days and see if his self esteem is worse on any particular day, it just might help pinpoint something.

Has anything changed within the family, even within the whole family i.e. relatives you never know what might be upsetting him deep down.

Stay strong

my son went negative at this age and it was because his hormones were kicking in. now hes 12 and ultra confident, probably too confident really

Hi I have a "differnet" son too. He's very intelligent but when he was 9 was very geeky. Sorry, but he was gorgeous looking, teachers loved him and the other kids had a kind of weird respect for him. He got party invites addressed to the "little professor" because he was soo bright, kids forgot his name or just took the p. Is your lad v. intelligent, and sensitive because hormones kick in with boys big time at certain ages, 3, 6, 9, 13 and 16ish?? Maybe because he is so bright he finds it difficult to fit in and express himself. My ds now 14 got laughed at for being super bright, knowing all the answers and told me he had no firends because everyone wants the "popular" kids, not the bright ones. He got invited to parties because he was an oddity. He was tested for Aspergers, ADSD etc and the finding was this. He's not any "label" you can put on him, he's v bright and a biot odd. Girls now love him, teachers love him but he's still a problem because if he believes in something, you can't make him change his mind. He now has a document fully prepared to go to the Court of Human Rights over long hair for boys and girls. I have a solicitor friend who says it may work Keep encouraging him to talk, to you or whoever because bottling it up will make it seem more real and dramatic. Try asking him to write down the feelings, reading them over and looking at them logically. If he's so bright he may realise that they're illogical and then back up his feelings with loads of love/cuddles, (if he'll let you). TELL the school and they SHOULD help.

So sorry

My 9 yr old ds is just coming out of something like this (I hope), I know that there are specific things that are going on for him that are difficult, but none of them have really changed, just his outlook has, iyswim.

We tried different things, hard to say what's had the most effect;

Dp and I making effort to spend time with him without other dcs, not always easy, I know.

He was feeling lonely at school too, and doing one or two easy out of school activities with different children, or in one case with one child in his class who he gets on better with, has given him the chance to get a bit of social confidence back. It was very hard to persuade him to go, though; had to bribe him, but it was so worth it.

He's taken up a 'cool' musical instrumennt with lessons from a young, funky teacher. This has definitely meant a lot to him, he's feeling 'grown-up' in a non-threatening way, has something to work hard at when he is alone, and can see his progress.

I've also taken him to a homoeopath, specifically one who does counselling as part of the consultation, which I think might feel less pressurising for him than saying 'you need a counsellor.' Have no idea if it's the remedies or the talking that's been most helpful.

Are school being helpful?

I really feel for you, I was feeling absolutely desperate for my ds a few months ago, it's so hard and horrible to see them so unhappy.

Hope any of this is of use to you {{{hugs}}}