feeling down - my son is such hard work

[PumpkinPie2016]

Hi,

I'm feeling so down at the moment because my son is such hard work

He's almost three and attends nursery while we work. He loves nursery and learns loads. All teachers at nursery and hv checks show that he is an intelligent little boy.

He can be very loving, is intelligent, funny, curious and has excellent speech.

But (and it's a big but) he is such hard work and I feel.he always has been. Nursery have been saying that he will have massive tantrums including screaming, hitting and kicking and it's very difficult for them to calm him down from them.

He isn't as bad at home but he had tantrums as they describe. In addition, he whinges, whines, screams, creates over literally anything and everything - what is on tv, toys, what's on his plate, if he is told no etc.

He also asks constant questions (and I mean constant - what's this mummy, why, what are you doing, is it raining, why, is daddy home etc constantly all day and sometimes over and over).

He needs a lot of entertaining/amusing so at weekend I try to take him out to the park/library/soft play or whatever because staying in just isn't an option - he gets cabin fever.

I've spoke to the nursery SENCo re the tantrums and she is confident that there is no SEN but can't really give me much advice. She said he is very intelligent as well.

I love him to bits but he is so, so draining the only saving grace is that he sleeps well at night. I just feel so down with it - it's like walking on egg shells

We are not having any more children and although I tell people it's because the north was traumatic, the truth is I honestly couldn't cope with another as demanding as ds

Had anyone else been in this position?

I had a boy (now adult) just like this. Oh the constant questions, it's exhausting. I waited 8 years before I felt ready to have his little sister. He's turned out fine.

It's reassuring that your son turned out fine Gert less so that it took 8 years for him to calm down though lol

My 4 year old is incredibly difficult. She was always well behaved at preschool and is also good at school now. It's just at home she is a complete nightmare. If she had been my first she would certainly would have been an only child but she is my third so the other two have to put up with it too, particularly the 7yo who she seems to target.
Sorry I can't offer advice, am just hoping she'll grow out of it sooner rather than later.

Everything you describe sounds like my 3 yr old except that mine doesn't totally drain me all the time (only some of the time!). So I suspect yours is an extreme version of a three yr old and their normal behaviours.

I wonder if there is any merit in changing your approach with him? I've no idea how you deal with the difficult behaviours it how strict you are so maybe you are already doing everything right but I find with mine that when I'm tired or have lost my confidence due to the instant browbeating my way of dealing with him feeds the whining and bad behaviour. Sometimes I stop, take a deep breath and completely change direction. For example instead of getting visibly exasperated and losing my cool, I make a joke of answering everything he whines at me in a whine. He either laughs or storms off but I've found he is quick to stop whining now when I start to answer him like that. There's also the trendy and sickly 'love bombing' approach. Or simply threatening to remove him from the room for time out if X continues and then following through. I always explain why he's been removed from everyone's company so that it can sink in that his constant shouting of a song affects others etc.