my 4 year old's a teenager...

[sanssouci]

Anyone got any advice for a guilt-ridden mother? (See post 4 going on 16). Thanks!

Don't worry our DD is the same at 5!! For most of the time she is fantastic and then POW!! she changes like the wind!! We all get mad with them from time to time. I smack her bottom when I have set limits, warned and they are still broken I then feel very bad and guilty, (especially as an ex-teacher!! - gave up to have DD and DS, wasn't prosecuted for GBH!!)) Time out is a good one up to a point but as she has got older I ask her to go away and think about what she has just done/said. Invariably she comes back (in tears) and we talk and then we say that it won't be done/said again. Since starting school it has got worse and usually at the end of the day when she is tired, or am I making excuses??!! The thing to remember is that tomorrow is an other day. Know how you will handle a situation and stick to your guns! Happy disciplining!!

Thanks, Poppyseed. I was beginning to think I was a MN outcast for having spanked and/or having a dd who acts like a teenager. She was tired... However, even when she's not, she still NEVER does as she's told. We have to get after her constantly. I guess dh and I would be better off ignoring her.

Are you at home with her all the time? If not it may be worth having a word with the nursery - perhaps you can all share experiences and work together in the same direction with her. She is only testing boundaries - if she gets away with it them it may lead to bigger trouble??

I'm at home but dd goes to nursery school half days (this finishes next week -- help!) and we also have a 10 month old ds... in fact, dd has been upset by his arrival but she is so loved by us! I am v. demonstrative and affectionate with her and often remind her that she'll always be my baby and I'll always love her.

Sounds similar to us as we have a 13 month old DS. DD wasn't too affected by his arrival though - she loves him to bits. Do you think that she is doing it for attention then perhaps? It's a tricky one really - will try to turf out some books that I've read on it all, catch up with you later - got pack ups for school to do now!!

That would be great!

Still trying to find them - haven't forgotten

Don't feel too bad, my ds4 is rude, cheeky, insolent, spoilt and a smart arse. I love him but have occassionally smacked him when the "once nice, twice firm and sent for time out hasn't worked. Before anybody jumps on me he hasn't been smacked for nearly a year or so. But I have to take a deep breath because sometimes I really think he hates me. We have stopped buying him toys for a while as dh thinks he realluy doesn't deserve them. don't get me wrong, he isn't the devil he is being a typical 4 year old boy but how exhausting for all of us. "ROLL ON SEPTEMBER FOR SCHOOL!!!!"

I have read abot boys going thruogh a surge in testosterone at 5 yrs old therefore they try to redefine themselves by using his father as a model rather than following the mother as a model... Haven't heard about 4 yrs old... though...

I found that good old 'Toddler Taming' by Dr Chris Greene worked a treat with our DD and have also started to read 'Secrets of Happy Children' by Steven Bidulph. Some of the solutions that they discuss in this are aimed perhaps at older children but the ideas and thoughts behind it all are great. I got to the point where I thought that all I was doing was being very negative with her, something that I felt was bad of me. They are only young and as my mum always says (!!!) "you think that your children are yours and they're not as they are only on loan to you...." I suppose that we should make the most of them and praise the positive attributes that they have and not get too hung up on the negatives.

Hello everyone! Haven't been online for a few days... too busy with the 4 yr old and the 10 mos old. Thank you all for your messages, advice & support. Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last week of school for DD. How will I stay sane being at home with both every day until September? Any (inexpensive) ideas?

I know the summer hols are hard. Not sure where you live but look at local freebie museums (I have the Horniman near me). Other than that the usual, library visits, cake making get her involved with making an outfit at home with old curtains, fabric you have stashed at home. (If you have more than one child get them all involved) Do a little bit each day, take her to the shops to let her buy buttons and ribbon to choose for her outfit. Make it last for about a week and that will keep her busy for a little while. I have a boy so I don't know whether his concentration for making an outfit will last. Can't think of much else, but I hope this helps you.