Finding it hard to cope with Dd1's behavior, i dont know what to try next?

[Marne]

Dd1 (3yo) is driving me mad, I feel it is my fault as she is a spoilt bratt. She wont sleep through the night, insists i stay with her whilst she goes to sleep, she bosses evryone around (her step brothers and sisters and dh and i ), i she does'nt get her own way she screems until she is sick. If anyone comes to the house she tells them to go away, i hate taking her out as she refuses to walk anywhere.
I feel so stressed out and i feel guilty as i am spending less time with dd2 (who is a little angel).
I have tried time out, reward charts, praising good behavior etc.. but she just seems to be pushing me further each day. When she is good she is lovely but i just cant cope with her when she's naughty and i dont know what to try next?

Please help, any ideas greatfuly recieved?

What do you do at the moment when she is naughty?
If you try lots of different approaches she may get confused.
Consistency is the key, IME.
And not letting the little buggers see they have wound you up is vital too!

At the moment we are still using time out, even though it does'nt seem to be working it gives me time to cool down so she does'nt see im getting wound up. Time out usually ends up with her trying to make herself sick and this carries on for an hour until she gives in or falls asleep.
I just want her to know that i'm in charge not her, at the moment she seems to think she runs the house and we must do as she says.

Where do you put her when she's in time out, and how long does it last?

I sit her on the stairs for 3 minutes, and if she does'nt stop i put her in her bed until she calms down.

I've found that some children seem to need more attention than others. One of mine has behaved similar to how you describe your dd behaviour. We found that the worse her behaviour the more she needed us. By listening to her or just sitting with her and talking to her calmly we found that she relaxed and calmed down. If she was really tantrumming we would tell her we were leaving her alone but when she wanted a hug to come and see us. It has been difficult at times but now we have an almost 7yo who has gained in confidence, now has the language to explain a bit how she feels. She still has the occassional melt-down but they are a lot less frequent. Our dd didn't sleep through the night either. She would wake up and get very distressed if not attended to. We took the approach that she needed our help not that it was a battle of wills to make her do what everyone else said she should be doing. If your dd refuses to walk, can you take a pushchair? She is only 3. I don't know if this might help in your dd situation but I thought I would mention how our dd was and what worked for us.

Thanks juuule, she does find it hard to get her point accros which does frustrate her, she's also very paticular about things, she loves routeen, same story before bed evry night, same order of how things are done each day etc, if something changes she gets realy upset (even dinner being late!) I hope once she starts nursery she will find it easier to share and not be so bossy.