How normal is my ds socially??

[Lethal]

At the risk of sounding paranoid (my mother thinks I'm worrying about nothing), I am wondering about the way my ds (just 4) interacts with other children/people. He does not seem to have a shy bone in his body. He will approach any other children, younger or older, he will even approach a whole group of children and just start talking to them. He will come out with things like "Hey fellas, what are you doing??" "Did you know that...." and then he will just start raving on to them about something, which in many cases will incur a look of shock/surprise/horror from the child who's being accosted by him. Not always though - it depends on the child. He often goes up and puts his arm around another child even though he's got no clue who they are, and he will also approach adults and start talking to them, even if he doesn't know them. The thing is, sometimes he talks in a bit of a loud/showing-off manner (which I find embarrassing) and if he wants to be friends with someone, he'll stick to them like glue. He especially likes older boys, but they tend to either treat him with amusement or disdain.

How normal is this? I can't get over the way he just walks up to ANYBODY, he will even go and join another family (eg. in a park) whether they want him there or not. Don't get me wrong, some people seem to think it's cute and he does seem to make some little friends this way, but I sometimes wonder if this might be seen as precociousness (sp?) or something by other adults. I don't know... I just sometimes get a bit embarrassed and it makes me cringe, but my mum says that he's just learning to interact with people and will find out eventually if he's doing something wrong. Would appreciate some thoughts on this, thanks.

He just sounds very confident! I know what you mean though, I am very quiet and unassuming and my children are mega confident and are show offs. It makes me cringe aswell but they are happy. The only caution I have is the talking to adults they dont know. I think its just the stranger danger that worries me. The fact he is at ease with himself is lovely

Recognise bits of my DD (3y3m) in your DS! She is very outgoing (esp with adults) and is quite happy to chat with kids she's never met before (doesn't actually hug them though!).

I'm very reserved so I'm glad that she's inherited DH's outgoing streak. Where possible I just keep an eye on her and apologise if necessary. Our main concern is that our lives are an open book to anyone who cares to ask and, more seriously, she is exactly the sort of child who could be lured away!

I can really understand your concerns about this but he just sounds very lovely and confident and sociable, Lethal! Much better in the end to have an outgoing little body whom you can gently tone down a bit than a child who is unhappily shy. I think your mum has hit the nail on the head when she says he's learning. A few appalled rebuffs from other children (meanies!) will hopefully make him work out the best way to join in without seeming pushy. And having a grandma and mum who are aware of his sociability is a big plus.
Ours used to be like this but they go through huge development changes around 4-5.5 and he is now more hesitant about just joining in. Having previously cringed I'm missing it a bit!

Lethal, dp and I are quite shy and I'm sure if dd (now only 20 months) turns out like this we'll be a bit shocked too! Having said that, whenever I come across a little boy like yours sounds I'm really pleased. They always come and chat to and play with dd and have made some potentially excruciating bus journeys great fun. Long live the gregarious friendly little boys I say!!

I htink all will change when he starts school and realises the inveitable pecking order of age!

Lethal, you are describing my 4 yr daughter! I, too, am quiet and reserved, so it is a massive shock to have such an outgoing and confident youngster.
On one level it's quite sweet but I can really understand your worries. She tends to approach kids and parents in parks and 'tags' along! I absolutely cringe and have to constantly retrieve her, gently reminding her of stranger danger, etc. She is so unlike her brothers.

MY DS is pretty similar, Lethal. I was much more wary as a child myself. I tend to think it's a good thing DS is how he is, although I am trying now (4.5yo) to teach him a little caution about who he approaches (stranger danger, and all that).

My ds is like that perhaps not to every child he sees but the majority he will just say hello and join in, which i think is great he's is obviously confident to do this. I think if you're worried about his talking to adults i would just stand behind him to make sure he's ok if you can do this, and at least you'll know and not worry. He sounds like a wonderfull little boy.

Hi Lethal

I just wanted to let you know that my little boy (nearly three) is just the same. He is never shy with people or new situations, and when went to get new shoes, he was hugging and kissing the lady in Clarks as she put the shoes on his feet! I was extremely shy as a child, which meant I missed out on lots of parties and going out, so I am chuffed that he is so sociable. It means that we can relax when we meet family and friends, as he is soon chatting away to them and giving them hugs and kisses! I was so worried that he would be crippled with shyness like I used to be, so I am very happy to have such a loving little boy!

My ds (3.5) is the same. The other day when I we were at the hospital, I asked him for a kiss and he said no, turned to the attractive young receptionist who he'd never met before and said "but I'll give you one." He'll tell anyone who listens full blown descriptions of his poo's. He orders for himself in restaurants before we've even got our menus out. However, since both my dh and I are pretty outgoing ourselves, we don't find his behavior unusual or embarrassing. But I think he does shock quite a few people. My only worry is that he could quite easily wander off with a stranger.

my oldest ds was just like this when he was 4 and my youngest ds,(nearly 5) is going through a similar sociable stage too. If he follows in the footsteps of his older brother, he will gradually get more discriminating about who he approaches as he gets older. As coddy mentioned, it was school that slowly revealed a pecking order to my son. Also after a few rebuffs, my son began to see not all strangers were as friendly back to him. He is still sociable, but far more choosey.

Ahh the loss of innocence. I so miss his openness, the funny little character that he was has morphed into something more complicated, calculating and conventional. However, it had to happen for his social survival. He'd be so out of step with his peers if he was still like that at 10 years old.

My advice - keep a watchful eye but don't feel it's merely precociousness. Treasure it while it's there.

Thank you for all your responses, it's good to know that my ds isn't the only one. Sometimes I find it embarrassing because he also gets a bit bossy with kids who are smaller than him, but once again I suppose he's trying to exert himself and hopefully he'll grow out of it soon. He used to be very placid and quite non-assertive at one stage though, which is why this is a bit of a shock!

You're right in that once he starts school and receives a few rebuffs, he probably won't be quite so prone to doing it. Sad but true It's nice that he seems so at home with himself at the moment, even if it does make me cringe sometimes.