Relentless arguing and fighting

[LunaLambBhuna]

I'm at my wits end with my two boys aged 10 and 7.

They fight, argue, hit and scream at each other over the smallest things. I just don't know what to do with them anymore!

My husband complains about them all the time but isn't really willing to sort them out. He tends to just walk away from the situation if I'm around, showing very little support.

I feel like we can't go out as a family or to see friends and relatives for fear of them kicking off at each other.

Help!

What do you do to try and prevent this behaviour?
What do you do when they do kick off?

I've tried keeping them separate, taking away privileges, positive reinforcement, rewards, having treat days with one at a time, talking about the behaviour, shouting and wailing like a banshee, you name it!

That sounds like a lot of different strategies. Try picking one and following through. Every chuffing time!
We always have consequences for unwanted behaviour. Clear and consistent.
And DH needs to step up. You don't get to opt out of being a parent when it gets a bit hard.

I don't use them all at one time. I've just tried different things.

What are the consequences in your house?

Yes, hubby does need to step up but I know he won't. He tunes out when I try to talk to him. It's a ridiculous situation!

He can leave then. Seriously couldn't cope with parenting an adult!
Consequences need to be immediate. Playing in garden and arguing? Come in.
At park and kick off? Come home?
Arguing over TV? TV off.
Try and avoid long lasting punishments IYSWIM. Misbehave and no playing out for a month!! Then what do you do when they play up the very next day?!
Praise good behaviour.
Enlist DH to "mind" one of them when you are out.
Pre empt the behaviour. I wouldn't take mine out to eat without cars to play with or colouring to do.

Ok. Sounds like what I would do anyway. Nothing really new there.

I'm just so worn out by it all on top of working and everything else!

Thanks for taking the time to reply though.

Watching with interest and sending sympathy OP. I'm in a similar boat and I've tried everything you say too. Separating them is the only thing that works, but isn't always practical when you're a family!

I find it really stressful too, OP.

miss

They drive me to the edge! I'm a teacher so I have behaviour strategies but nothing seems to work on my own spawn of the devil!!