Feel like a bad mam today!!!!!

[Angeliz]

Hi everyone.
Don't really know where to start or what replies i expect but have computer and must rant!!
My dd is 3and a bit and is great. She has always been so loving and we do most things together as am SAHM. Anyway, over the last few days she has been really,...well....'nasty' to me. She always wants nana or daddy and the other day i said,"well it's mammy or nothing", and she said,"nothing".
Today i took her to the park and museum and out for lunch as a treat and she was o.k at first and then HOWLED that i was hurting her hand .
Later on tonight, she screamed constantly in my face, i screamed back and burst into tears!!!I feel totally irrational for doing that but i really had got to the end of my tether. I feel emotionally drained with her and i HATE it. She's the sweetest little thing and it's took me by suprize this nasty side.

My logical side tells me that it's natural and she's 3 and testing the boundaries but my heart is messing that up!!!!!!

I am not being 'smug' saying she is so good, but the last few days she seems like a different child- though only with me. I have sat trying to think is it me being too sensitive , but i worked for years with kids in care and got all kinds of abuse hurled at me and i am quite hard really!!(Though don't feel it now)....i just feel like i'm losing her, she's starting nursery in September and i really want to enjoy the rest of her baby days.

Feel a bit daft posting this but really needed to get it off my chest.

Angeliz, my dd is still only 20 months so I don't have any experience of this except to say that I've watched my friend's little girl grow up from day one and she's now 3.5 and all the things you're describing started at around the 3 year mark. I was shocked to see the change too and my friend found it very upsetting at first. So I've been bracing myself for this happening with my dd as she too is a little darling at the moment. I think they have to do this, it's part of the way they break free from us as parents and define boundaries and I can't help but think it's probably painful for them as much as it is for us. i feel for you very much, I already dread the day when I feel I'm 'losing' my baby.

Pls dont feel bad. I bet every Mumsnetter has had days when they feel like they are the worlds worst Mum. I shouted at ds today, it was totally unwarranted and I felt terrible but he seemed to forget about it within moments.

WRT grandparents, my mum has a fantastic bond with ds, they really seem to get on fantastically and often ds askes for nana. The other day he told me he loves her more than he loves anyone else and I was so hurt. I keep it in perspective though, normally ds asks for her when I am telling him off or refusing him something. My mum totally over indulges him so I suppose there are times he would prefer her to me. Deep down, your dd loves and needs you more than anyone else in her life. She is just fickle as is any 3 or 4 y/o.

Aah, poor you! Three is hard, somehow.

I found in this situation it helped me to think that it must be hard for them to be so dependent on someone so powerful, and even more scary to feel angry with that person. However mad they were making me, I was often quite impressed with how small and brave they were to fight back when confronted with an all-powerful Mummy.

You're not losing her, she's just figuring out a way to be her own person without losing your love and approval.

Does that help?

My ds today and yesturday has been really horrible. He said to me ' i'll do what i want' and ' don't tell me what to do'. My blood was boiling and i really didn't know waht to say to him in reply. I think they go through phazes of things. and hopefully she's just having one and i hope it passes soon.

Thanks everyone

I think it may be me too, i'm not doing it conciously but maybe i'm already falling apart at letting her go in September!

strangerthanfiction, your post made me cry again as i thought how her babyhood had flown by so quickly!

All the advice and support helps.

It's wierd actually, i hardly ever cry but can't stop at the moment!

Hi angeliz - no helpful advice but thought i woul pop in and say hi and that i am thinking of you

Hey Angeliz it's ok to cry about this kind of thing you know. It's about the biggest thing in the world you can do, raise a child, learn to let them go at all the stages of their life.

The other thing I was thinking that might be reassuring to know is that it's only because she loves you most of all, knows you best of all, that she can behave like this. You're the one she knows will love her whatever she does and that means you've done a fabulous job of nurturing her so far. It's against you that she measures herself. If that makes sense. This may be a hard few months but if you can try to step back with your emotions and watch your little girl getting bigger and stronger and then turning back to you with lots of love all her own.