Do you feel guilty after shouting/disciplining your kids?

[twirlywoo69]

My toddler poured apple juice into her dolls mouth (it went all over carpet) I asked her to stop twice but she continued doing it, so I shouted at her and she started with a tantrum. I sent her to the naughty step telling her in an angry tone that she is VERY naughty and left her on the step to cry. After a while she started really, really sobbing so I went to her and she looked so upset and I just felt so bad. She is approaching 3 so I want to discipline her more as usually she gets away with too much as I avoid being really mad with her , but I just end up feeling really cruel and it doesn't feel natural to be angry with her. I've ended up giving big cuddles on sofa as I feel awful making her so upset. Any tips?

She had been told to not do it twice, but chose to carry on.That is being naughty.At 3 she is not a baby and is leaving toddlerhood behind.Stop doubting yourself and running to her when she is in time out (which shouldn't be any more than a couple of minutes).A punishment should be unpleasant otherwise it is not a punishment!

She's not three she's 2. She's impulsive. shes feeding her dolls and mirroring what adults do. I'd have moved her or the cups. Not worth shouting over.

nearly three year olds play and explore, copy and imitate.
it was great role play albeit messy one. .

op told her off and shouted at her for playing and being a toddler and a very imaginative one .

toddler will get v confused and wonder what she is allowed to do...

be clearer, be more proactive taking away undesirable object and show her why.

take away the messy juice,
offer an alternative eg water.

or put her outside with old clothes and let her mess . show her when and where it is ok to be messy.

I have a daughter similar age to yours and I've personally found that shouting is completely counter productive.

I use timeouts as a way to let her have breathing space and a think about what she has done, in a calm way. I never shout at her to go for a timeout, I always crouch down to her level and say in a calm but firm voice "can you go for a timeout, please." She'll sit there for around a minute and then she knows she'll get a cuddle straight after and a quick chat about the reason she had to go for a timeout.

I am always reasonable and consistent. If I see her doing something she shouldn't be doing, I go over to her, again crouch down to her level, and ask her not to and explain the reason why.

I honestly think that we underestimate children of this age and their ability to be rational.

Another thing which is massively important in terms of discipline, is always praising good behaviour. "Aren't you sitting nicely at the table tonight, well done, you're such a good girl", "that was lovely of you to say bye to the lady in the shop" always remembering to praise as much as possible. that way, if she does something she shouldn't do and you ask her not to, she'll be more likely to take on board what you're saying. I think children need to be told they are well behaved in order to believe that they can be well behaved, if that makes sense. I would also agree that you should ban the word "naughty" for that very reason. Tell them they're naughty, tell them they're bad enough times, and they'll believe it.

Staying calm really is key, I think. I only have 2 children, but these methods have really worked for me. Every child is different though but hopefully some of this may be of use to you.

I feel guilty if I shout at my three but I do not feel guilty for disciplining them. That is my job as a parent. The failure of parents to discipline their young children results in the appalling behaviour of many older children and teenagers who are used to getting their own way all the time. I'm not here to be their friend, I'm here (in part) to show them how to behave.

A friend and I used the step when our children were that age sometimes. I wouldn't again if I knew then what I know now - supernanny isn't so super. DD shuddered last time she talked about the step - she's 8 now.

Positive parenting is the best way. I don't do it religiously because sometimes DD really pisses me off. I don't often shout. More stern/assertive but I do occasionally lose it - and then apologise. I'm only human and chronically ill. Sometimes she's just too much.

Your DD is much too young to understand and process the situation. It would have worked better to go up to her and stop her, show her the cause and effect of her actions and how to mop it up. Then redirect her to a dollies bottle or empty cup. She tantrumed because the methods you used were for a much older child, then punished her (my 8 yr old would stop if I said "stop"). Your DD must have been very confused.

We've all been there. Know better, do better.

I'm not a gentle person so I love aha parenting.
I've never used the naughty step or other kinds of punishment for my kids as it didn't feel right to me (although I am shouty at times).
I tend to just tell them why what they've done at the time was wrong and leave it at that.
So far, they're fairly well behaved and quite disciplined.