Feel so low - 3yo behaviour and baby no sleep

[Queazy]

I'm really at the end of my tether. My little boy is waking every 1.5hrs from 7-5, then wants to be up for the day. My dd's behaviour is appalling, and I'm trying everything to set boundaries and to deal with it in a positive way, but my god it's so wearing. We just had a friend over with young twins and my dd lay on the floor through lunch, took things from the little ones and threw them, shouted at me to stop talking. The list is endless.

I don't know what to do. I find my dh unsupportive but that's another issue. I think I need to see a Dr for anti-depressants, as I'm really struggling with it all. I know I'm luck to have two broadly healthy kids, but just in tears and don't know what to do.

Any words of advice for a mum of an unruly 3yo and non-sleeping 8mo?! I can't co-sleep. He'll only sleep on me and neither of us sleep!

Thanks so much

I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and I was seriously considering asking for anti depressants from my gp this week because I feel like I can't cope most some days. Do you get a break from them both at all? I was able to get someone to watch mine for a couple of hours yesterday and its made a huge difference - I feel so much fresher today.

Does your 3 yo go to nursery or preschool? It sounds like she's attention-seeking. Can you spend more 1-1 time with her? Leave the baby with dh for a bit and spend some quality time together? I know you're probably doing this already but keep praising the good behaviour like crazy and ignore the bad behaviour wherever possible.

Have you done any sleep training with the baby? I know its hard when you have another child trying to sleep too but I think if you got the sleep sorted then you would be in a better frame of mind to deal with the 3 year old and you would feel happier in yourself.

Thanks so much for your reply.

I get very little break, and having two hours tomorrow which should help. We don't get enough 1:1 time, and I really need to focus on that too, but I'm breastfeeding so hard to leave the baby too long and I don't live near family

I used sleep training with dd and really didn't want to resort to it with ds. I feel awful leaving him to cry, and he won't be silenced with any shush patting! I need to do something though, you're absolutely right.

No advice really, just wanted to say I know how you're feeling. I have two boys, just turning 2 and 5 months, and like you I feel alot of days like I just can't cope. 2 year old has mega tantrums and baby doesn't sleep much. And I feel guilty that I should be enjoying my two gorgeous, healthy boys. I reckon these must be some of the toughest days! Agree with the advice to have breaks if at all possible. I had half an hour today and even that helped. Also just being really kind to myself and having incredibly low expectations! Eg had planned to do a shop today, tidy, cook etc but then had a horrific night so was in pyjamas by 3 o'clock and let DS1 watch CBeebies. Would be interested in what sleep training you would do or any advice there. DS2 feeds to sleep every time and I'm finding that more and more difficult with the toddler plus going back to work in 6 weeks... Good luck and hang in there

Another one in the same boat. I have a 3 year old DD and 5 month old DS. If everyone behaves themselves we just about get through the day but some days it does just go spectacularly wrong. We are definitely not a no shout household! It's so hard to deal with things when you're not getting sleep too, I have such a short fuse when I'm exhausted.

Having a 'threenager' is just exhausting isn't it. I don't really have any advice but just saying that we are exactly the same here- DD's behaviour is just awful sometimes but I'm pretty sure it's just for attention. Does your DS nap? I find if I give DD dedicated attention (sit and do playdough or colouring etc) for 30 minutes whilst DS naps she's so much better the rest of the time as she feels she's getting attention too.

I'm sure it'll get easier (really hoping!) just hang in there.

That sounds really tough. My only thought is are you simply exhausted rather than depressed? I really struggled with broken nights with my DD, and at 6 months my DH was sufficiently concerned about me that he insisted on taking over at night. After a week of proper sleep I was coping much better - I'd been worried I'd been getting depressed before then (crying all the time etc.), but it was just exhaustion (I'm very clear that depression isn't cured by a week's sleep, oh that it were). I don't know how much antidepressants would help if the main problem is tiredness.

Hi op, I just wanted to say that I had the same problem, mine are now 2.5 and 4.5 and it's getting better as each month hoes on. As dd2 got older she has been able to interact with dd1 and I suppose in her eyes takes less of my attention as dd2 is no longer a baby.

Your Dc1 is just upset that you have to spread your time atm and acting out cause they love you so much they want all of you to themselves. It gets better and take as much rest and help you can find, human or pill formed!

Thanks so much all. It's just nice to not feel so alone with it. Today was a little better and I made sure I sat with dd and read while baby played. It sounds silly but I think it was only from reading your messages that I clocked how little quality time my dd was getting, poor love.

Thank you all xx

Do you read/play games with your 3 year old while you feed the baby, OP? My older ones used to look forward to feeds, knowing they'd be enjoying time with me while the baby was feeding.

Also - and apologies if this is what you already do - try to make the older dc the centre of your activities and let the baby's needs fit around them? So, for example, go to the park because your 3 year old needs the exercise and fun - the baby will just enjoy any outing.

Does she help with housework and food preparation? Again, you don't have to sit and play with her as such - just try to include her in your activities if the baby can be left to play for short periods.

Get out lots! It passes the time and makes everybody feel better for the change of scene

It's a vicious circle, your DD is trying to get your attention, you are knackered so no energy for giving her attention, she plays up more, baby cries, you have even less energy and patience, etc.

I have to say I would sleep train. It's horrid but IMO is often the lesser of two evils.