PLEASE HELP my dd let my aunties hamster out now its dead!!

[mad4girls]

i am tearing my hair out after what happened yesterday

my grandma is hamster sitting for my aunty they left it there thursday night we went for tea yesterday so they could see it and take it some food we were only there an hour and they were compleatly besotted

anyway my grandad just got let out of hospital and gran feeling unwell i offered to go to the chemist (15mins walk) to get my grandads prescription

i come back to find chaos as youngest dd (4) has let it out the cage its ran behind a cupboard my gran said she repeatedly told dd to close the lid but kept opening it again when she went to the loo she came down to this

anyway i get in and can see the hamster behind the cupboard and pull the cupboard away from the wall the hamster makes no attempt to run so i scooped it up to find it floppy and lifeless (which i pressume it to be dead)

the kids say she took it out which my gran heard dd (7) telling her not too and that it got off the table made a squeaking noise and ran for the corner i found it in

how do u think it died do u think its heart gave out maybe i dont know but its haunting my dreams this happened yesterday cant stop thinking about its lifless body in my hand.

to make matters worse i have to live with this for nearly 3 weeks when my aunty gets back before i can tell her

also i was so mad at dd 4 that i took her sticker she got from school (she got it that day in assembly for kindness to others) and i threw it in the bin i was just so angry that she wouldnt do as she was told #

she just wont listen before xmas she ran out in to a v busy road in front of 2 dbl decker buses unscathed giving me heart failure
and in september because she wouldnt stay down stairs while i was having a bath she fell into a boiling hot bath and scalded her face which led to 6 weeks of going to the burns unit which fortunately didnt scar

now i feel terible guilt for the hamster and for my daughter for taking her prized sticker she was so proud of it and now i feel awful

pleeeeseee if anyone could offer words of advice im in desperate need

thanx

Ooh dear. Don't really know what to say, but couldn't read your post and not say anything.

Re the hamster, do you think you could replace it?

Re your dd, I don't think taking her sticker away is going to cause her too much turmoil, so don't beat yourself up about that. I do sympathise because I have a very cocky 5 yo, who thinks she can do what she likes, but fortunately she doesn't do any death defying acts like your dd. Not sure what to suggest, but she definitely needs to find out that disobeying you, can lead to serious consequences.

oh goodness.

Is your dd also very upset about the hamster dying?

If so, when you've all calmed down a bit have a gentle chat with her about animals, differences and death which ends with cuddles and apologies all round.

You need to calm yourself down as well as dd.

Then, if she's very sad and sorry, you say you take the rap and tell the aunty.

cant really say why it died but probably was something wrong with it anyway. you only let it out didnt conflict any harm to it. had you aunty had it long. could you buy another before she hot home. if she wasnt attached to it it may soften the blow. i havent got any animals so someone might say im talking rubbish.

your daughter does need to listen to you. the events you've recalled are dangerous. dont know how to get her to do that though.

so all in all i know nothing! but please dont blame yourself you sound really stressed about it. take care.

yes pointydog

we had a long talk this afternoon about death etc and i explained that the hamster wont be waking up and she cried for half an hour saying that she would miss him etc

was seriuosly thinking about telling my aunt that it was me as she can be very nasty at times and the last thing she said was for gods sake dont let it die

and even if she did find out later it wasnt me at least her immediate angry reaction would be towards me and not dd

thanx for all replies and advice maybe next time ill think about my actions before rushing in as well

as long as you get your nan to say same thing. it could have got out when you were holding it .

thanx msm

but the hamster was actuly my cousins who have ahd a year i think but are extremly attacthed to it and know it very well so there would be no point trying to replace it like that IYSWIM

i will of course offer to buy a replacemnet when they have calmed down but for now i have to live with my guilt till they come home

thanx

thanx for all advice guys got to go as dp wants the pc thanx for listening though

Poor you, poor hamster!

I know that this probably sounds really harsh on your DD but taking something away that means so much to her is probably just in this particular instance - she's caused the death of a much loved pet and that's much worse than say, drawing on the walls. It sounds like she needs to learn to listen to you to avoid putting herself or anyone else in more danger - so hard with a 4 yo though!

If it were me, I'd own up, buy chocs & flowers and offer a replacement for 'when you're ready'. And lots of sorrys from DD too.

Hi
Can't offer any advice re your dd (my ds is 2.9 andI've no idea how I'm ever going to get him to listen, ever!) but most hamsters don't live much beyond a year afaik. I also remember from my uni days (I did animal behaviour) that hamsters get very stressed when handled and practically have a heart attack everytime you pick them up, apparently this was backed up by research?! hth!