What would you think if your childs nursery teacher said this ???

[nutcracker]

When i picked Dd2 up from nursery yesterday I had to go and speak to her teacher to explain what had happened at her hospital appointment.
Her teacher told me that she(DD) had been given 2 starts that day because of her good behaviour.
I said that we could do with some stars at home.
Dd's teacher then asked me if dd was still having probs (behaviour wise) at home and i said yes.
Dd's teacher and another teacher then both said that they really couldn't believe that she could be so bad, as she was very very quiet there, so quiet that it did sometimes worry them.

I didn't really think much of it when they said it, but now i have thought about it, what do they mean. Why are they worried ??are they saying that she is too quiet there.

They have already said before that she won't interact unless specifically asked too and will only speak to one or two people.

I told them that they would be shocked at her behaviour at home, but i think they think i'm making it up.

Has your child been at that nursery long? Maybe she's still getting used to the place and the other kids.

I'd be inclined to ask them more about their worries. It's very hard to second-guess what they mean, or if they are seriously worried or just a bit surprised that she's quiet compared to other kids.

Go and ask them what they meant.
It may have been a throw away line or maybe they do have some real concerns about her ability to socialise. There's no point worrying yourself sick about it. When I was teaching (primary) I would hate to think I had cause some parent grief by something I had said, especially if it was not meant to be serious. They only way you'll know is to ask.

Whwen I was a teacher I used to get lots of comments like this from parents when I remarked how well behaved their children were at school. IMO it is a good sign - i.e. they know when they have to behave and that they can really be themselves at home. Don't know whether that helps - probably not with her behaviour at home but it may make you feel better? Perhaps you could ask the teacher again why they are worried about her?

Justmum - She has been at the nursery since January 03.

XOZ - I know i should ask, just didn't think aboput it until later. I will mention it tomorow.

They have said similar things before, but then they said she had made a few friends. Now she seems to be a bit of a loner again.

Thanks Tommy, thats a prob too though, because she is sooo good at nursery her behaviour at home gets dismissed by them and the H.V.
It's almost like they are saying that i must let her get away with it otherwise she wouldn't do it.

Nursery were very shocked to hear that Dd had a tantrum that lasted 45 minutes the other day (screaming and crying) because she couldn't have a dvd back on.
They also couldn't believe that she runs into the road or dissapears whilst out shopping.

They think she's an angel.

Maybe they could teach you a thing or two about avoiding tantrums!!

nutcracker, I wouldn't take any notice the fact she is good a nursery is great. They said she is quiet and so are many other children. My dd was like that at that age quiet as a mouse at nursery but tantrums and tairas at home. Take no notice and ignore the comments. Not all children are the loudest in the group and I think it's rather unprofessional of them to make that comment in the first place. larsxx

Nutcracker, just to add your dd will no doubt grow out of this. There is a difference if a child's good at nursery or school but play up at home it's usually a good sign- told by ed phsy. larsxx

I wouldn't worry too much about her being quiet at nursery, although I would seek clarification, perhaps they were trying to reassure you?? Bad way to do it but possibly trying to help??

My DD is 3 and goes to nursery, where she is good as gold, and quite interactive, has loads of friends. She also goes to a pre school where she won't talk to anyone AT ALL and has made no friends there and won't talk to the staff either. She is good as gold there too, enjoys going, but just doesn't seem to feel the need to interact there. At home we have tantrums and tiaras just like lars said, lots of screaming and shouting to get her own way and tormenting of her older brother.

My ds is also like this,an angel at school/nursery, nightmare at home!He looks angelic;strawberry blonde hair,freckles,blue eyes yet even now at 7 shopping is hard work;wanders off etc,he is also shy and in fact when they told me last week at school that they had had to tell him off for talking in class ,both teh teacher and I felt that it was cause for celelbration!

She probably misbehaves at home because she is comfortable after all it doesn't matter if she has a 45 minute tantrum at home because she knows that you will still love her afterwards.

Also not everyone is hugely sociable,some people like to be the hub of a big social whirl,others are happy with just one or two friends.Everybody these days seems to think that you have to be a confident socialite to be a success,I found other children very perplexing in my early school years,and was shy but I seem to have turned out OK!After all in the 1950s her behaviour at nursey would have brought praise, fashions in behaviour change,frankly I sometimes think we encourage too much confidence and fail to value the qualities of watching and listening and reflection.

My dd1 is now 7 but was always quiet and withdrawn at nursery and in school, to the point where the teacher was very concerned about her and worried that she was never going to make friends or settle in. Even now she hates getting 'jumped on' by relatives (my mum and dad are dab-hands at approaching her sideways with a casual 'hi' even when they haven't seen her for weeks - they know that anything more enthusiastic will send her into hiding!)

HOWEVER at home she is bolshy and argumentative, and both dh and I put that down to relative security in the home environment, and, as Philly says, she knows we'll still love her whatever she does!

DD1 is also an incredible perfectionist, which means that for a long time she would never speak in school because she was afraid of getting things wrong, something she worried less about at home.

What I am saying to you (in my very long-winded way) is that your dd's behaviour is quite normal, and that the reaction of the nursery teachers is giving you more concern than it ought to (IMO). Do ask them to elaborate on their concerns, but IME it's something that will work its way out in time. And look on the bright side - despite how difficult you find her at home, at least she is showing a spirited side to her nature and is not withdrawn/quiet 100% of the time!

Miaou, your daughter sounds exactly like mine - very quiet and withdrawn at school but a real live wire and hard work at home. DD2 is now 8 and every parents evening through nursery and school the same thing has been said - very quiet, likes her own company etc. Like your daughter, mine is also an incredible perfectionist and if she can't do something right first time, she would get into the most incredible paddy. Every day when we got home from school we had the most enormous tantrums and like you Nutcracker, the teachers couldn't believe it was the same child. As well as putting these mega tantrums down to feeling comfortable at home and knowing she was loved, I also felt that she'd spent all day keeping her emotions locked up and they all came out once she got home. And although she's been a quiet child with no friends at nursery and very few at infant school, she's happy with the way she is and is actually quite confident - it's me and other people who seem to have a problem with it, not her.

However, in the last few months (since she's been in the Junior School really) there's been a real turn around. She has a small but very close set of friends and her teacher says that altough she is still very quiet with her, she is quite outgoing with the other children and is quite happy to put her hand up to answer questions in class. I sometimes think that children take their own time to find their own way and the quiet ones (particularly the spirited ones at home) are quietly taking everything in and waiting for the right moment to reveal their true personalities to the world. I am SO not looking forward to teenage years when she finally reveals to the world! HELP!