Is this "normal" for a 5 year old?

[Heartmum2Jamie]

I thought about putting does my son has xyz? as the title, but thought it would be better asking if my ds1's behaviour is typical of a 5.8 year old.

Anyway, I have recently sat and made a list as my dh and I are starting to get concerned with some traits we have noticed. When started home educating just before xmas, so some of these things have become more appartent with spending more time together. We are both just very frustrated. Here is the list.

·Returned to daytime accidents at 5, after being dry for 2+ years. Doesn?t seem to be caused by stress or problems at school. Have ruled out medical reasons

·Still not dry at night (although could be hereditary)

·Always had a thing for peeing wherever he could, all over his toys, behind his wardrobe, in the bath (empty bath with plug in) and out of his bedroom window.

·Making the biggest mess while doing a pooh, smears on the walls, on the floor, on the seat, all around the bowel and on the sink. According to hubby, he tries to do acrobatics while doing his business

·Short attention span, lack of concentration

·Lack of imaginative play (although talks to himself and has/had an imaginary friend, but rarely plays anything original with his toys, just copies what he sees on tv)

·No empathy

·Always fidgets, is never still

·Loses things easily

·Is never bothered by anything, hence why star charts, taking things away or praising good behaviour doesn?t seem to work

·Slightest things set him off into a tantrum or meltdown (very bad loser when it comes to games). He would rather grunt when he has been upset or in a bad mood.

·Finds it very difficult to make friends, comes across as very shy, but talks to everyone like they are dirt.

·Always suffered with pains in his feet, like growing pains

·Refuses to look you in the eye when talking to him about serious things, has never said sorry of his own accord (grunts it at you, but doesn?t mean it, just does it to be allowed out of his room) and has never helped to clean up (my 2 year old loves to help) and has never loved to help with anyway.

·Lack of confidence / has low self esteem

·HATES loud noise, puts hands over his ears when I am hoovering, if I have my music on loudly or during the spin cycle of the washer, although admittedly, it sounds like a jumbo jet taking off, lol!

·No matter how many times we tell him off he never learns and does the exact same thing again just minutes later.

Please tell me honestly what you think. I have gathered up my courage to post here as friends and family seem to think I should be mentioning these things to the GP, but as I already have one special needs child, I am scared that something could be wrong with my "healthy" child.

Thanks in advance!

Hi,
I hope someone on here can help you. A lot of what you say sounds quite normal. My 5yo is also still wet at night, he has the odd accident during the day, mainly because he doesn't want to stop whatever he is doing & waits too long. I'm forever telling him to go to the toilet NOW (no I'm just dancing mummy!). He runs out of the room at the mere sight of the hoover. He's also a bad looser & tiredness or hunger set of tantrums over nothing.
But if you are worried about his self esteem and you want some help with that I think you should go and get some advice. If he has low self esteem, that might lead to his difficulties in concentrating, making friends or responding to reward charts etc...
I'm no expert, but I think you know your son best and so if you think you need some advice about his behaviour you should seek it.
All the best {{{}}}

Hi there - I noticed your thread was unanswered, and didn't want you to think you were being ignored!

I am no expert in SN, but I do have 2 boys age 4 & 7, so at least I can offer a point of view with boys of this age group.

Some of the stuff you mention doesn't sound too unusual, and I have seen the same behaviour in my two:

e.g.

• Short attention span, lack of concentration
• Always fidgets, is never still
• Loses things easily

But if I'm really honest, some of the other stuff WOULD concern me - especially the peeing/pooing stuff - that just doesn't sound quite right - especially at this age?

The "·Is never bothered by anything, hence why star charts, taking things away or praising good behaviour doesn?t seem to work" sounds very like a little boy I know who was diagnosed with Aspergers at about 6. It was mostly picked up by his teachers whp were able to observe him in a social setting.

Why did you start HE - were there already problems at school?

(You may get more feedback by putting this on the Special Needs boards BTW?)

heartmum,you are obviously worried so if you have a gp, health visitor, whatever, whose judgement you trust, take the list and talk to them. Some of the things you mention would seem to me to be perfectly normal, others - like decorating the bathroom with poo maybe not, even for a naughty 5 yr old. But that's only my opinion. Bedwetting can often last for many years in boys more so than girls.

I am not a medic, but perhaps you'll find someone in the late evening crowd. Good luck and try not to worry too much.

hi

now i'm by no means an 'expert' but alot of this sounds like he may have an autistic spectrum disorder. i have 2 with an ASD plus another NT one (i hope- yet shes still quite little) and whilst mine havent all the things you describe they are well documented as being part of an ASD. and alot of these things are what mine do/did.

i'm sorry i know this probably isnt what you want to hear. i think you need to talk to your GP (tho they are often not good at referring) or perhaps a HV as soon as possible. if he has got an ASD there is lots of support and help for you and your ds to overcome alot of the difficulties you are facing.

i hope for your sake i am wrong but it all sounds very familiar to me. good luck and let us know what is happening.

I've got two boys (5 and 8) and would say the following things sound completely normal:

• daytime accidents
• not dry at night
• losing things easily
• fidgeting
• short attention span

Some of the other things, particularly the toileting and the friendship stuff, does sound a bit unusual. If you are concerned (and of course you are, which is why you're posting) I think you should see your HV (if she's any good) or your GP to discuss your worries.

I honestly think you might want to consider something on the autistic spectrum. But I am no expert.

no, this is not 'normal' of 5yo boys in my experience. But if you could get a diagnosis (if there is anything and I stress, I'm not an expert) you would be able to deal with it MUCH more effectively.

Heartmum, definitely talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a paediatrician and/or clinical psychologist. I agree with others that not being dry at night at this age is nothing to worry about, but some of the other things would concern me.

I have three DSs, one of whom has a diagnosis of high-functioning autism and one of whom is being assessed at the moment, so I do understand your worries and fears. But I think it probably is time to take your list of concerns to the GP.

Good luck and please do post in the Special Needs section - you will get a lot of support there.

All the others have just all said so clearly why you should probably seek some help. I'm sure that when you've found out what is the matter with your ds that you'll find it much easier to deal with his behaviour. Hope you'll find some more help on here from other mums on the SN forum

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it.

I thought about posting in the special needs board as am already a member there (I lurk more than post), but wanted to make sure I am not being paranoid! I think ds2's dla stuff is doing a number on my head, lol!

I realise some of the stuff is normal, like not being dry at night. My dh still wet the bed at 8 and my brother was over 12, so I am not too worried. The things that worry us nost are the toileting stuff (We were horrified to find that he had been pee'ing out of his bedroom window on more than one occassion and dread to think of what could have happened if he fell or the neighbours saw him. His wondow will remain locked at all times now, not sure what to do come the summer) and the lack of empathy for anyone.

At first we thought he was atten tion seeking, especially as ds2 requires alot of care/supervision, but alot of this stuff goes on without us knowing and we only find out by accident much later.

I think I will make an appt to see our GP.

good luck heartmum, I'm sure you'll feel better when you get some answers to your worries.. and the proper support if it's necessary.

hi, why dont you print this all out and take it when you go and see gp? only because ime gps arent always very good at recognising sometimes very obvious signs of ASD