Would this affect my child's self confidence/personality?

[lostindubai]

My boy is 3 and has been seeing my friend's child (same age) when we all meet up weekly since they were born. I never expected them to be best buddies just because of that, but the older they're getting the more different they are.

Friend's child rarely wants to play with mine, would rather just watch. Definitely doesn't want to hug or hold hands which my ds tries occasionally (I have explained to him that not everyone wants to touch!) When ds tries to talk to him or engage with him, he is usually ignored. In fact he will say right in front of us all that he can't hear my ds, which makes me feel really sad, and I have no idea how this might make ds feel. My friend does what she can to correct her son's behaviour but to no avail.

What I really want to know is will the repeated rebuffs affect my ds, as he's such a kind, sweet boy and I'd hate for him to change. We do see other children (who interact nicely with him) but none of them as regularly as this one. I want to keep seeing my lovely friend, but not at the expense of my ds' self esteem etc.

Also, how do I explain this behaviour to ds? I don't want to label it unfriendly, rude or strange in case he repeats it in front of them, but I don't want him thinking it's acceptable behaviour either

Well, since you did ask, you tailor your “pressure” according to your child’s abilities. Sure, some kids just need reminding and encouraging to say please or whatever. But if you have a socially anxious child then "pressure" is counter-productive and you may have to encourage them to do something sociable that they find easier instead. If you have a child who can’t say “goodbye” then you might send them upstairs to wave guests off from a window. Whatever works.

My son gives and receives gentle punches in the upper arm in lieu of greetings and farewells. I realise this isn't ideal but it is fully accepted within the family :)

Lovely ideas oldbirdy