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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What should I do about this incident in Reception class?

27 replies

kid · 09/06/2004 12:56

My DD is in reception and I work in the school (but not in her class). On Friday, the teacher taking assembly noticed a boy in reception was sitting right at the front with his hand inside another girls knickers. Thank God it wasn't my dd but could so easily have been her sitting next to him. Of course I'm not sure what she would have done about it but I have spoken to her about it since and I am confident that she would not let this happen and would tell an adult straight away. But my concern is that the school have done nothing about the boy and girl involved in this incident. The parents haven't even been informed. I am now so paranoid about my dd going anywhere near this boy. I do feel sorry for him as I know for a fact that his older brother was sexually abused when he was younger so I am lead to believe he may have been abused too. I need to speak to the teacher to find out that my dd will be perfectly safe and happy within the classroom and that she is never in the position of that poor little girl.

OP posts:

lars · 09/06/2004 13:01

I think it's your duty to inform the school of the incident what took place. If all else fail inform the LEA and don't think you can let this go this is to important and worrying. After all where is the safety of the children if the school fail to act on this they can be in serious trouble. It doesn't matter if you work there or not this was an sexual incident that took place and should be dealt with as soon as possible. larsxx

dinosaur · 09/06/2004 13:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LIZS · 09/06/2004 13:03

Hi kid

How did you find out ? As a parent I would have expected that the teacher who witnessed this and the head should have acted by now. It may be innocent but, given the family history, I would have thought the school should be more concerned in the interest of both children and perhaps involve SS. Can you approach the Head yourself ? If I were the parent and found out later that this had happened and I'd not been informed at the time, I'd be livid. It must put you in an awkward postion with the parents of your dd's friends.

btw have you seen Flip's thread ?

Blu · 09/06/2004 13:04

Kid - are the school aware that there has been sexual abuse in the family? I ask, because for me, this is the only alarming aspect of the story. I was certainly never abused, and neither (to my knowledge then or since) were my friends, but we used to spend hours playing doctors and nurses which involved looking at each others 'bottoms' (defined by us as anythig covered by knickers). I constantly see curious / unself-conscious 4 year-olds looking down each others pants.
HOWEVER, if you are right, and this poor little boy may be at risk of abuse, his behaviour may have more worrying aspects. Are you sure the school have done nothing? They may have acted in confidence to which you are not party. Otherwise, I suppose you should have a quiet wpord with the head.

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:06

This is shocking! How can they not tell the parents? If you work within the school is it a decision to not tell them and to keep it quiet?

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:09

I understand the "curious" train of thought but if it were my child I would still want to know, wouldn't you?

Original poster

kid · 09/06/2004 13:14

My sister and I do a job share at the school and she was at the assembly when it happened. As my dd is in that class my sister informed me as she was also shocked by what had happened. It was at the end of the day on Friday. On Monday I was at work, so I asked the teacher who witnessed the incident what is being done about it and she said nothing. She is equally shocked and agrees with me that something has to be done. It wasn't discussed in the daily staff briefing but I think all the teachers should be aware of this. I have told the teacher that witnessed it about the sexual abuse to the older brother which happened about 10 years ago. I just find it amazing that nothing has been done already. It will be much worse the longer they leave it.

I have read some of Flips thread and shall read the rest of it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

kid · 09/06/2004 13:17

I think they are trying to keep it quiet and not let too many staff know, but I'm sorry they should know. My dd is in that class, would they not tell me if anything happened to her?
There was also a different incident a few months back when a year 6 boy took 2 yonger boys to the toilet and made them touch eachother. The parents were informed that time but the year 6 boy was never spoken to in depth aboutit just a quick 'you shouldn't have done that'. I have always thought it was a really great school but it shows you never know what goes on behind the scenes.

OP posts:

Blu · 09/06/2004 13:24

Sorry, Kid, I did come across as more complacent than I meant to - but I guess there are also important confidentiality issues which a school must adhere to. It would seem important for the Head/class teacher to be aware of a history of abuse in a family, but I don't think a school can inform other parents of that.
Tactful word with the Head - who may not be aware of the history? This poor little boy may need protecting from something.

lars · 09/06/2004 13:25

Kid, I'm sorry the fact the school is failing to act sounds like can't be bothered with the hassle that this brings. This is very worrying what else are they covering up ( sorry but I just amazed they are not acting ) What about the child it happened to where is the concern for her. Please act on this this should not be covered up as the child no doubt will do it again ( doesn't see the wrong) larsxx

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:28

Sorry but I'm still absolutely shocked about this - if I ever found out something like this happened to my children at school and they had kept it from me, I don't think I could be responsible for my actions. Our children are the most precious thing we have and it annoys me to think that people like this can choose to keep something so important from the parents ffs. Can any of the teachers give a school based opinion?

Hulababy · 09/06/2004 13:34

I am shocked that the school are hushing this up,. you'd think they'd want to at least inform the parents of the two children involved, and I am sure they must have some form of legal obligation too, surely? Our children have the right to be protected (from anything) whilst at school surely? I would be furious if I wasn't informed.

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:35

feeling cooler today Hula?

Original poster

kid · 09/06/2004 13:38

I have spoken to 3 teachers about this yesterday and they all feel that the school should do something such as inform SS. They are just as shocked about the incident as I am. They also agree that if the boy had been touching himself then that wouldn't have been so alarming. I understand the need for confidential information but I am going to tell the teacher everything that this boys mum told me about their family. If anything were to happen to my DD then the school would not know what hit them!

OP posts:

lars · 09/06/2004 13:40

Kid , yes I feel that someone should be acting what is wrong with the teachers why sould it be you that needs to voice- The teachers also have a legal obligation here as well to protect a child in their care. larsxx

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:41

I think SS have a duty to look into any incident that has occurred. You can call completely anonymously and explain what happened. It doesn't have to come from the school, but if you are forced to do it and after they have begun enquiries, I would write a letter to the Chair of Governors stating how disappointed you are as a parent in the attitude shown by the Head in the light of this incident. I'm sure there are some school governors on this site too somewhere

Hulababy · 09/06/2004 13:41

A little jampot thanks! Feel loads better mainly as I have only had one proper lesson Supposed to have GNVQ for 3 lessons, had 1 girl in first lesson and 10 minutes of 2nd before I was also able to sign her off as finished. Fab

jampot · 09/06/2004 13:42

In fact a quiet word with the head along the lines of "are you going to call, or shall I?" should sort it out

Angeliz · 09/06/2004 13:44

I too would be furious if i hadn't been informed and even a week later would infuriate me.
They should have been informed straight away so the parents could talk to the children about it!
I agree with others, children have the right to be protected at school and this sounds like a cover_up.
Hope you can sort it out++++

Hulababy · 09/06/2004 13:46

I still can't believe the parents weren't informaed that day!!! I would have thought the school and the Head would have wanted to cover their own backs at the very least in case either child mentioned it at home. IMO the Head should ahve waited after school to meet the parents and took them to one side to tell them, or a phone call home to ask them to come in.

Original poster

kid · 09/06/2004 17:36

Well, my sis bought DD home from school today and still nothing has been done or said about the incident. I will be making and appt to speak to the teacher tomorrow and see if I can get anything done.

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Hulababy · 09/06/2004 17:38

Good on you. I think it does need to be dealt with.

jampot · 09/06/2004 17:59

good for you kid - let us know how you get on

LIZS · 15/06/2004 11:01

Did you get anywhere kid?

Original poster

kid · 15/06/2004 18:05

I spoke to the class teacher yesterday and she said that between her and the teacher that witnessed it, they decided it was a one off and leave it at that. I told them about his older brother and what had happened to him and she said she is going to talk to the deputy or head about it. I haven't heard anything since. My next step is to talk to the deputy myself.

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