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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does anyone else have a school age child they find completely and utterly emotionally exhausting? Does it ever get any better?

49 replies

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:11

Ds has always been a challenging child. Adored by everyone, star at school but murderous at home.

He still (despite being 5) screams like a baby when things don't go his way (i.e. all the time). His pronounciation has always been poor so he reaches for screams before he uses his words.

Today he wasn't allowed to read before bed because he hit me (out of frustration). This is a known punishment - he spent the entire 45 minutes, until his sister finished reading next door, screaming at the top of his lungs.

I love him dearly but He NEVER backs down and I know he's tired from school and the like but tbh, he's always been this way and he gets SO frustrated and I'm starting to wonder whether he'll ever calm down.

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Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:49

is he at school yet aloha?

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Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:51

actually (light bulb moment) have just realised you were talking about him the other day being in reception and the playground stuff. Did you sort that out?

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crystalpony · 31/01/2007 21:55

My dd is 4 and basically nags me to death. I have no doubt that her constant nagging, whingeing and yattering has put years on me. She never takes a breath and is either on top of the world all absolutely beside herself with trauma - from one moment to the next - my nerves are shot to pieces!!

I try to see the positive side - that she is bright, articulate, intelligent etc but sometimes it really gets me down that I have to debate every little thing with her and that she'll never just accept instructions or information without questions.

She is great at school but very up and down at home and I struggle to discipline her because I hate to feel that I am constantly telling her off for interrupting, shouting etc. Because she's an only child, she's probably a bit grown up for her years so God help us when she hits her teens!

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:00

yes, that's true, the constant questioning ('why is the sky blue' 'why do I need to have a bath') is very annoying but at least we can console ourselves with the thought that we have children with inquisitive minds that hopefully one day (no doubt when all the hairs on our heads have turned grey ) they will put to good use .

I also feel, like tonight, that I can be a bit of a dragon so I know how you feel (I also struggle with the not accepting instructions till they know exactly why and often end up with 'because I bloody well say so!') - it's hard to get the balance right between praising positive behaviour but not getting completely worn out with all the overreactions, frustrations and drama that come with all the other behaviour.

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Aloha · 31/01/2007 22:00

fox, thanks, yes, went to a meeting, sent a letter to the head and next thing I know ds is telling me about the head telling them an inspiring story at assembly about a boy who was teased in the playground but overcame it with the help of his friends....I think it is safe to say they are taking notice! Mind you, ds's rendition of the story went on for hours and hours and hours

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:01

oh and thanks for the book recommendation controlfreaky

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Aloha · 31/01/2007 22:01

My ds says, 'I have a very inquiring mind, don't I mummy?' It does drive me INSANE though.

Heathcliffscathy · 31/01/2007 22:01

foxi, know you wont' mind me butting in to say:

aloha, I'm SO glad you are back....

xxx

Aloha · 31/01/2007 22:03

Hi Sophable!

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:04

you know I don't mind

I'm glad the school are listening to you aloha - it's so important and lol at ds's rendition of the story.

It is very very wearing - I'm relieved ds is at full time school now because I was really struggling to keep him occupied at home. Now I just pity the teachers .

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controlfreaky2 · 31/01/2007 22:05

you could be describing my ds2 when he was 5..... the ?'s drove me bats.... he's now 7 1/2 and has moved on..... he now does stubborn to olympic standard.... "if i cant have 4 (weetabix) then i shant have any" was this mornings example....... aaaaargh.

singersgirl · 31/01/2007 22:09

I have two of these - age 5 and 8. They are challenging in different ways, DS1 more so, though DS2 is becoming more difficult daily. Everything in DS1's life is a melodrama and life is against him.

DS2 has historically been more phlegmatic, but has recently taken to screeching and invective whenever someone gainsays him. He is also pedantic, and both relentless and forensic in his seeking after truth. He is particularly keen on picking up other people's glottal stops, which is occasionally amusing and mostly annoying. ("You said a glottal stop, Mummy. You did. You said 'bu'er'. Why did you say a glottal stop?" etc).

Have seen the "How to listen/talk" book recommended often before and might have to check it out.

crystalpony · 31/01/2007 22:13

wow.

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:17

and there I was hoping it might improve with age aarrrghh

coping with two like that must be very hard

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singersgirl · 31/01/2007 22:17

Of course the glottal stop thing is entirely my fault, because he once commented on it and I told him what it was called. I really have lived to regret it.

Heathcliffscathy · 31/01/2007 22:17

fox, am reading this with interest as ds (3) is shaping up to be the same.

i hate to be a narcissitic cow...but they're bright aren't they?

that's the prob isn't it?

singersgirl · 31/01/2007 22:19

DS1 is not forensic, he is just .... emotional. He is an "I will bolt my door with a thousand bolts so you can never get in again" sort of boy.

sauce · 31/01/2007 22:20

Foxinsocks, my ds (3.5) sounds like yours. I dread the holidays, I'm sorry to say. And he & his sister fight, fight, fight, argue, argue, argue. It can be absolute hell.

sauce · 31/01/2007 22:23

And yes, he does go to school because I couldn't meet his demands 24/7. I'm a deficient mother I guess but I do love him & he knows it! I have more patience because I have some time to myself. Here I am justifying myself when no-one has said a word -- yet!

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:23

yes, I reckon they probably are soph.

Ds was such a nightmare when he was 3/4 that I wanted him assessed for special needs - he was so demanding and so frustrated, I was convinced he had some sort of behavioural issue. I must admit, he has improved somewhat since then (especially as his speech developed).

Ds has a real talent for maths - I have to physically remove him from the room when dd does any maths homework because he can do sums in his head far quicker than she can in her head or on paper and it really pisses her off!

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sauce · 31/01/2007 22:26

I also had ds assessed for behaviorial disorders/special needs. And things have improved since he's been able to talk more fluently^.

Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:27

don't feel deficient sauce - we can only do our best and it's far better to have a break and be more patient than being constantly worn down and at the end of your tether

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Original poster

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 22:34

lol singers - you have your hands full there! How do they get on at school?

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singersgirl · 31/01/2007 23:47

They do OK at school, Foxinsocks. DS1 (the emoting one) is above average academically, but in no way exceptional - he is very distractible and is the class clown. DS2 appears to be quite bright and, a bit like your DS with the sums, frequently corrects DS1's spelling (cause of several ugly scenes at the breakfast table).

DS2 has started saying he hates school recently, which is quite another thread.

They are very wearing, though, and I often become very irritable with them even when they have really done nothing wrong - they are just going on and on and on...

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