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Original poster

Does anyone else have a school age child they find completely and utterly emotionally exhausting? Does it ever get any better?

49 replies

foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:11

Ds has always been a challenging child. Adored by everyone, star at school but murderous at home.

He still (despite being 5) screams like a baby when things don't go his way (i.e. all the time). His pronounciation has always been poor so he reaches for screams before he uses his words.

Today he wasn't allowed to read before bed because he hit me (out of frustration). This is a known punishment - he spent the entire 45 minutes, until his sister finished reading next door, screaming at the top of his lungs.

I love him dearly but He NEVER backs down and I know he's tired from school and the like but tbh, he's always been this way and he gets SO frustrated and I'm starting to wonder whether he'll ever calm down.

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noonar · 31/01/2007 20:15

hi fox. my dd1 is nearly 5, she wears me out too!

to point out a positive here, i'd be delighted that your son sees forfeiting reading as a punishment. good that he loves books!

how about giving a sanction that doesnt take place at bed time, so that he's not too tired to cope with it? also...they say, dont let the sun go down on an argument, dont they?

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:21

yes that's true noonar

I don't like taking away that reading time but tbh, it's the one thing I know he really enjoys so he understands it's a harsh punishment (but I regard hitting me as something that requires that iyswim). I gave him fair warning not to do it - he has trouble dealing with frustration - despite massive efforts on our parts to get him to Use Words rather than resorting to screaming or hitting, he still has a big tendency to do that (it's like a default setting).

He did come down just before I turned the lights off to apologise and have a hug (sob)!

I'm trying to think what else I could do - could ban the tamagotchis or something I suppose?

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noonar · 31/01/2007 20:27

that sounds like a good idea. after all, you WANT him to read, but do you want him to play with those nasty things!?

ssd · 31/01/2007 20:28

Jesus, try having two..................

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:29

I have two but luckily the other one is very laid back

lol noonar, that's so true!

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mrsflowerpot · 31/01/2007 20:30

Oh I've got one of those too. Exhausting, aren't they? No words of wisdom, just sympathy, I'm afraid.

We withdraw TV - or rather, he only gets to watch it if we can say 'because of your wonderful behaviour, ds, would you like to watch Scooby Doo'. Also he never ever gets anything that he has screamed for. Like you, removing bedtime reading would be the last resort.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:38

it's reassuring to know that others have similar problems - the screaming drives me mad especially the constant 'shall we see if we can find some words instead of screeching' (said through gritted teeth).

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mrsflowerpot · 31/01/2007 20:40

lol at familiar ring of 'see if we can find some words'. mine is 'shall we think about how we could ask/say that nicely?', also through gritted teeth.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 20:51

lol

yes that's exactly what it's like arrrrrrrghhh

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motherinferior · 31/01/2007 20:56

Oh f*ck, I suspect DD2 may be a bit like this when she starts school unless she undergoes some amazing personality transplant in the next 11 months.

Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 20:58

My DS (5 in May) is very whiny/screaming especially after school when he's tired and hungry, once he's had his tea he seems to cheer up until bedtime.

The one bug bear I have is he is constantly trying to annoy DD (7). He always wants her attention and if he doesn't get it because she's playing and doing her own thing then he teases her mercilessly i.e takes her toys or spoils her games or jumps on her back in a boys kind of way. Then she starts screaming and then he cries because she's crying......madness!!!!

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:02

oh it's just so wearing (he's also a cuddly boy too who loves time with me and lots of physical affection iykwim)

I think some of the frustration comes out of having to share the time he has with me with dd now because this is the first time both dd and ds are at school for the same hours.

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Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:04

oh yes crazydazy that is a pain isn't it - dd (6, in yr 2) has the same issues with ds - it's an attention thing isn't it. He loves winding her up by physically grabbing her toys etc. but she gets him back with words because she's much better verbally and he has no verbal comebacks yet (and they share a room so are really on top of each other).

Mine can see each other at school play time now (much to dd's annoyance!)

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Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:12

Your life sounds just like mine fox, mine too share a room and DD is in Year 2.

Its the relentless bickering that gets me down the most.

They either love or hate one another there is no in between.

My DS is also very affectionate and really hates hurting my feelings, he always feels guilty when he's had a tantrum and loves cuddles. DD on the other hand "broods" and is very stubborn and so wouldn't dream of asking for a cuddle.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:18

yes, that is scarily similar.

Dd is a brooder too who needs her space but she's very sensitive to being told off - I hardly ever have to and if I do, she bursts into tears (proper upset tears rather than fake tears).

Having said that, she could win awards for her melodrama and some of her 'performances' when pretending to be hurt by ds or when trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do (like spelling) are quite extraordinary ('I can't possibly do that spelling because my wrist is broken' - cue limp wrist amd falling on the ground in the manner of someone who's been shot).

Ds doesn't like hurting me at all but is still at the very bottom of the 'how to deal with emotions' curve (sigh).

How's your ds getting along in reception?

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Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:25

Girls and boys are so very different though.

He loves school, I didn't think he would as I felt he wasn't emotionally ready but he has proved me wrong.

He is left handed so struggles with handwriting, he can right his name but writes very large whereas everyone else in his class seem able to write their name neatly and clearly.

On the other hand though his teacher things he's doing fine and says he's very keen in lessons.

What about your DS? Is he coping with the words. DS can spell mum, dad etc but has trouble writing things down.

Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:27

write not right

What hope does the poor child have

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:30

Ds loves school - I thought he would because he likes the order and routine of it.

He's Ok with the work but he finds the emotional stuff harder to handle - so e.g. they have a class soft toy that goes home each weekend with a child (with a diary). Now basically, everyone gets a turn and once it's been round the class once, it goes round again. But the teachers tell them the toy goes to someone who has behaved very well in class and ds is distraught every single Friday when it isn't him (and obviously it isn't him more often than not) because he believes he has behaved well (which he has) and can't understand why he hasn't got the toy. Arrrghh.

I have explained it to him, the teacher has explained it to him but every Friday when he doesn't have the toy, he comes out with huge tears running down his cheeks and he holds back his loud sobs till he's home with me then buries his head in my lap and cries and cries and cries about the unfairness of it all.

Everything is black and white with him - right and wrong, fair and not fair and he cannot bear the thought of not winning when he puts effort into something - he finds it all just so heartbreaking!

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Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:34

oh and none of the children in ds's class write neatly yet at all (and most not clearly either!) so I think you must have a class of good writers there

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Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:37

Oh bless him.....how awful for him each week. They do this in DD's class and although she seems to be very good at school she has only had it once this year.

DS enjoys being "teacher's helper".

Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:40

I think its because DD is very good at art and very creative, she could write her name before she started school and her full name at DS' age.

I know I should't compare them and I do try not to, they both shine in different ways.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:41

sounds like he's doing really well crazy - esp as he's on the younger side. It's impressive that he's even trying the writing and reading imo!

ds loves helping the teacher too (little teacher's pets!)

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controlfreaky2 · 31/01/2007 21:41

am always plugging this on here but try reading "how to talk so kids will listen...." (find it on amazon}. has some really good ideas. i go back to it often when family life gets more than ususally fraught....

Aloha · 31/01/2007 21:41

My ds is so bloody pedantic sometimes, and like a nazi interrogator. 'why did you say that mummy? Why did you do that mummy? Why is it dark? It wasn't dark a minute ago? Why did it get dark so quickly? Why are you making that noise mummy?' aaargh!

Original poster
foxinsocks · 31/01/2007 21:47

oh yes, ds, despite his poor pronounciation, will witter on for England.

I once said on here, on the train he will go 'which stop is next, which stop is next, oh it's Kingston. Here's Kingston. We're at Kingston. Look there's Kingston. There's the sign that says Kingston. There's the sign. Now the sign is going, the sign is going. The sign is gone. Which stop is next, which stop is next. Oh it's Hampton Wick, look it's Hampton wick'

at which point the commuters are starting to move to the other carriages

arrrrghhh

think it is hard (for school) having a girl then a boy! one of my friends had a boy then a girl and she said she felt her girl was like a genius starting school because she could read and write and was completly ready for it all!

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