Right I need to sort all of this out, anyone care to help ??

[nutcracker]

The kids behaviour is driving me nuts right now, especialy Dd1 and Ds. Dd2 is having her moments but is generally better than the other 2 right now.

Dd1 is 9, Dd2 is 7 and Ds is 4 and non of them do anything to help out round the house, not even tidying their own rooms (dd1 did it once and thats it).

Anything I say to them seems to go in one ear and out of the other and I struggle to think of consequences for their bad behaviour and rewards for their good.

This is a lost of what I would like each Dd to do each day......

Make bed
Open blind and switch of fairy lights
Put dirty washing in basket
Put clean clothes away
Have a 5 minute tidy up
Brush teeth
Take own plates,dishes and cups to the kitchen.

With regards to behaviour, I would like them to stop hitting each other and speak nicely and quietly to me and their siblings.

Is that too much do you think ???

Not even sure what I want with regards to Ds yet as he is my biggest problem at the mo.

If I don't reply straight away it's because I am dunking the monsters in the bath.

Oh and I can't offer pocket money as a reward as I don't have any spare to give.

That list should be a minimum.

You could use pocket money and they get 10p for each day every job is done (or 10p taken away for each day it isn't - whatever rocks their boat). You could also have a reward for treating each other nicely and with respect.

I know how you feel, I hate it when I have a sore throat and realise it is from shouting . It is a horrid time of year, everyone in my house seems tired and witht he back to school after christmas thing everyone is edgey. Things will get better in a few weeks believe me.

You sound like you need some TLC too - did you see your Freudian typo??

'LOST'

instead of..

'LIST'

have a glass of wine and congratulate yourself on managing 3 childrena nd staying sane!

oh sorry - read it as 'can offer pocket money' not can't

You could do a no tv time or five minutes earlier / later to bed.

hi nutty, could you do star charts with all the jobs listed and a treat at the end of the week. know you havent got any money and im wracking my brains for "free" treats for you!

if theyre not used to treats, would something like a cream cake as a reward each sneaked into your shopping budget entice them or would the girls think that was a bit of a p* take!

walk in the woods and then accidently lose them

how about a late night at the end of the week and they get to choose a vid/dvd to watch. could you borrow one of some friends?

sorry for hijack brandy i have moved house and we have a new pc so have lost all emails for some reason, still have same address have loads of news - am getting married next year!!

congrats nulnulcat! email [email protected].

sorry nutty

No problem brandy, congrats nulnulcat

Ok, I have stickers that say 'Brilliant helper', I'm proud of you' and 'Star' on them, so can use them along side the rewards.

Dd1 is collecting the stickers for the high school musical albumn and Dd2 is collecting the Felicity Wishes comic so perhaps they could be the reward as at the mo they get them for doing sod all. They are something that I already buy so that would be easy for me.

The thing I don't get is, what if say dd1 does 6 out of 7 of her things one day but leaves 2 of them, does that blow her rewards for the whole week or can she earn it back or what. This bit always confuses me tbh cos I know that at some point one of them will refuse to do something.

Would stop letting them take food and drinks into their rooms for a start until they've demonstrated they can be responsible enough to bring the dirty crockery back by doing all the items on the rest of the list for a while without you having to nag them.
Would also be inclined to go on strike re the laundry situation (having maybe decluttered their drawers/wardrobe of a few choice items so the issue's confronted before you have a huge mountain of washing to do). Surely having to wear dirty clothes for a day or so would drum the point home.
I'd also consider confiscating the toys if they're left on the floor and then saying that they have to be earnt back (better than going the whole hog and saying you'll chuck them if they're not tidied away at the end of the day) IMO.
Otherwise I'd withold pocket money and treats to get the rest done.
And also I'd consider how to stiffen my resolve and distract myself whilst they beg endlessly for the above rules to be dropped, probably by taking on a long put off chore (DIY/ clearing the attic?).

LOL @ my typo Dimpledthighs, very true though lol.

Oh they are not allowed food and drink in their rooms anyway. I meant about them taking plates and cups in from living/dinning room.

Nutcracker - 2.5 weeks ago my boys (7 and 9) were driving me crackers, particularly at the weekend they were being rude, cheeky, and unhelpful: and not doing their chores without a big fuss.

I spoke to them and said their attitude was unacceptable, and this is what was happening. I confiscated their Gameboys and banned them from the PC. Then I put up in the diningroom a chart with space each day for up to 16 ticks and up to 16 red (=bad) marks. It said at the bottom:

Ticks will be awarded for good behaviour
Fulfilling regular expectations without prompting: taking fish oils/vitamins, sorting clothes/laundry, putting coat/shoes away, brushing teeth, clearing the table, doing piano practice, doing jobs, etc.
Also for particularly charming and pleasant behaviour ? asking politely, waiting patiently, having an interesting conversation, etc.

Black marks will be given for bad behaviour
Any sort of rudeness, impoliteness, swearing, sillyness, inappropriate language, etc.
Screaming and tantrums instead of communicating with language
Any form of violence and aggression
Making a mess and not tidying it up.
Getting up before 7 am.
Being disruptive and disturbing us during the evenings, and/or going to sleep too late.

Your GAMEBOYS will be returned when you have demonstrated by this chart that your behaviour has returned to being acceptable, and you are a pleasure to live with.

In addition the PC is off limits until the playroom and bedroom are tidy.

After an initial blip Ds1 responded very well and got his Gameboy back after 4 days. The chart finished after 5 days, but we continued the ethos iyswim and ds2 got his G back after 8 days.

We didn't actually have a specific "reward" as such, but the reward - for them as well as us - is to be in a pleasant, calm house where everyone is nice to each other: and we have talked to them a lot about this.

Btw the playroom is still in turmoil so they've not been on the PC at all: I plan to tackle this with them at the weekend.

I think everyone goes through phases with their children (I know I do), no matter how 'nice' they are normally, where you suddenly have to clamp down hard, be really strict, and make a new start completely.

Sorry that was so long, I hope maybe something in there is helpful to you.

As I have said before on other threads, a great read is Jane Bidder's Tidy Your Room which is not confined to what the title suggests, but covers all sorts of duties.

Re good manners towards each other, we have a system of going in the corner for unacceptable behaviour towards sibling, followed by kiss and the S word. Any refusal to comply results in pocket money transferred from culprit to victim.

Whatever sticks and carrots you use, you have to be consistent.

Thats sounds brilliant roisin, thats the type of thing I think I need.

With Ds, I need something immeidate and sending him to his room, confiscating toys etc just doesn't seem to cut it, he just doesn't care.

I was wondering wether to try making him sit in the corner, facing the wall for 4 minutes as a punishment, do you think that is ok ??

if you want Nutcracker I can email you a copy of what I created? (though it's nothing flash!)

Let me know - klgoddard at tiscali dot co dot uk